Lessons - Why Successful People Run Toward Fear | John Assaraf - NeuroGym Founder

In this lessons episode, explore how meaningful skill building starts with mastering essential foundations before advancing toward bigger goals. Discover how deliberate practice and consistent routines drive real progress, understand how fear can become a signal for clarity and growth, and uncover how mental focus and emotional control elevate performance and long-term improvement. When somebody wants to take on something new, so we understand how they're going to get from point A to Z, it's not going to be easy, it's going to be habitual, it's going to be feedback loop, it's going to be constant, it's going to be repetitive. Are there certain things that they should do, like I guess it depends on the actual activity or the thing they're trying to learn, but at a high level, like what should they be aware of, like the things that they should be like writing stuff down, should it be practicing the thing daily, is there a minimum amount of their life required to vote to that thing before they can actually succeed at it? Because if I just read that script one time a day, even in six months, it may not be enough, but I have to balance everything else going on in my life. And the way we balance is actually by making decisions based on our highest values. And the highest need that we have at the time. So listen, you're never going to solve this Rubenscube ever unless you know how to solve this one. So you first need to ask what is the foundation that I need to put in place? What's the foundation for the thing that I want to achieve? Listen, think about your watch with moving pieces inside, think about your car, think about a rocket ship, think about a Rubik's Cube, think about staying in shape. Are there not foundational things that need to be put in place before a second layer and third and fourth? Think about building a house. Yeah, of course. Right. You don't focus on the story of a house until you have the foundation. So let's not worry about the fifth story. Ask yourself this question, this question, what are the foundational musts that I need to have? What are the foundational musts that I need to have in order to get good at those first? You can't run, okay, a marathon, okay? Unless you train at least, you know, a 10K or a 5K. Like it would be ludicrous to try and go and win a marathon, right? But if you committed to running a marathon a year from now and you ask yourself, okay, in order for me to run a marathon a year from now, what do I need to know about running? What do I need to know about equipment, shoes? What do I even know about hydration? What do I need to know about rest? What I need to know about stretching? What do I need to know about food, the different types of fuel that my body burns? Like, there's five things that start with that. Don't start running, start with that. Now that you have a foundation, go, okay, great, what should I do my first week in running? And we say, I don't know, great, go to Google. Just like, I'm going to begin a runner. What should a beginner runner's process look like? Well, you begin a runner in shape, begin a runner out of shape, male, female, weight, height, right? Whether there's certain things that you're going to need to know. And then you say, okay, from those things, like, can I do that? Great, do that. Don't worry about how you're going to run a five minute mile. One of the things that you mentioned before to thought was interesting was that fear is a ghost signal for you. What does that mean exactly? So, when, when you understand that fear is an automatic reaction that is triggered in your subconscious mind, and yes, well, what is triggering that circuit? Like, think of fears, a light switch on off, okay? So, if yes, what does fear or why does the fear circuit activate? Well, it activates because there's something real or imagined from my database of experience, okay, that is causing the fear circuit to activate. So, most people when the fear circuits activated, the release of cortisol, epinephrine or norepinephrine or adrenaline is rushing through their body. And what they don't realize is it's because of the fight flight or freeze signal that fear is. It's part of the sympathetic nervous system being activated. So, whenever mind is activated, right, I can feel the surge of that energy, right? It's energy in my body, a neurochemical release, right? So, I can feel that energy and that means, right, that A, I need to be aware of is the danger real or imagined? Understood. I get it. I get it. That's why, and that's what, that's what it prompt you to, to take action to start to figure out why you're even feeling that in the first place. Correct. So, am I afraid of taking action because there's real danger? There was danger sometime in my past, okay, or is it my imagining the danger because of something I've read or heard about, et cetera? So, first, it's the awareness piece, right? So, whenever I feel fear, the first thing I do is, is what I call, inner size number one, which is take six calm the circuit of fear. I want to make decisions out of my Einstein brain, not my Frankenstein monster brain. Fear is because this part of the brain has been activated. It's called the right prefrontal cortex. So, it's not that I don't want to listen to the signal. I want to understand what tripped that wire. So, first thing I do is deactivate. Listen, if I'm like walking along the street, I'm about to, you know, go off the sidewalk to the street that I hear, a car coming in, I jump off. Perfect. Perfect time for the fear signal to work. Right? I'm just going to retreat fast. No worries. That's, that's a great reaction. But if I want to raise money, if I want to hire employees, if I want to merge with another company, if I want to release weight, even though I've lost a released weight 25 times, if I want to go across the room to ask a young lady or a young man, you know, who they are because I'm attracted to them. If I feel that surge of fear, that's because something in my memory, okay, in my experience um, um, um, library is activating that there might be something that can cause me to fail, to be embarrassed to shame ridiculed judge, to be disappointed, to be rejected. So, I want to calm that circuit first. I want to thank the signal, calm the circuit, and then I want to be aware of like what is causing that. So, inner-size number one takes six calm the circuit, inner-size number two is called AIA, AIA, which is standing for, I want to be aware of my thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, and behaviors. Now I'm operating from a state of awareness. I want to analyze those and then I want to set my intention. What's my intention? Well, my intention is to follow through and do this because I want the reward. My intention is to protect myself. Great. How can I do that? So, AIA is awareness, intention, then what's one action I could take that moves me towards what I want and not away from it. Now who's in control? Now who's gaining more self-confidence? Now who's gaining more self-trust? Now who's gaining more awareness? Now who is taking inspired action? And now who is deliberately and consciously evolving themselves being versus being a victim of past conditioning? In many cases, my parents, you are, you are, when you feel that, when you feel that fear, that's like you're like, that's like your flag that I need to follow these steps, take these actions, get the hell out of my comfort zone. So fear is indicator for that you're pushing inside your comfort zone, basically. And that's it. Yeah. And also think about this. Why do firefighters get training on going into a burning building or building that's blowing up? And how do they manage the fear? Death. I mean, death is possible. Real death. That's like the highest level of fear. Navy seals. When they discovered that there was an issue many years ago, Scott, when Navy seals were going through the entire motions of becoming a Navy seal, many of them failed the last test. What was the last test? There was submerged underwater with all of their equipment on and three instructors would go down there with them, you know, 20 feet below the water, they'd remove their mask, remove their, their BC, their regulator, they shut off their air supply, they pulled off their fins, they, they created chaos. And you know what the Navy seals that were untrained wanted to do? Both right up to because they were afraid they're going to die. And when they taught the Navy seals to stay calm so they could respond versus react out of fear, they graduated 50% more Navy seals. What was the difference? The difference was mental awareness, emotional control, and practicing the skill of staying calm. They teach it to Navy seals, they teach it to firefighters, they teach it to astronauts when life is on the line. Well, those are the Olympic athletes of emotional control. Well, that means that we could be better at mental focus and emotional control. And what if it's just a function of practicing? The reason I started my company, my neurogym, right? And the reason I wrote inner sizes to give people the understanding that that we have this $100 billion bio computer, the most advanced sophisticated, okay? Organism is I like to call it in the universe. We already own it, no mortgage, no payment plans, but we're maybe not very good operators of it. And so part of my war cry is to help people understand that you are capable of way more than you're displaying right on me too. So I just want to constantly never end my improvements. Thanks for tuning in. If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the links in the description to watch the full episode. See you in the next one.