Lessons - Why Don't Women Support Women? | Elena Cardone, Speaker & Author

Welcome to Lessons episodes of Success Story, part of the HubSpot podcast network. These lessons episodes will be shorter conversations with past guests, valued members of the success story community, and myself. They'll be focused on teaching you actionable, insightful takeaways that you can use to upskill your personal and professional life. Do you feel on average that women do not support each other as much as they should outside of your community, for example? Yeah, you know, look, not all women deserve to be supported. So there's that, just because you're a woman doesn't entitle you to support. What is your value? Are you an asset to your fellow woman? You know, I don't support every woman. If you're going to go be a drug addict or an alcoholic or a liability of any kind, I'm not supporting you. I'm not supporting your fun, I'm cut off. I have my values. So my values are, you know, are you honest, are integrity accountable? Do you show up? Are you interested in self-enhancing? And so for those, trustworthy, the whole thing. So, you know, if the question is, why don't women support women, not all women deserve just have to support each other? Now if there's a woman that shows up in that realm that is like an agreement with your values, why wouldn't you support them? Women are so frickin powerful, man. Women know how to flow power to power. Women are, so it's hard for me because I've developed this community of women who are actively interested in supporting each other. We do business together because we are going for the same goal. We want women empowerment. We want to restore the value of the woman back to society, you know, like, so it's hard for me to speak on the other side of life. Because you're in it. You're in it so much. Everyone supporting each other in your community, right? That's the thing. But women who don't support other women either, either the woman isn't worthy of the support or maybe the woman knows, hey, I don't support other women because I know what I'm doing to other women. And it's not cool. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm not supporting other women because I know what women can do because I'm doing it myself. But when you get, again, it's kind of that conversation that I told you about with Grant and I, when you get clean on women or that role and that relationship and you're not doing things to backstab women, you can support anyone because I don't have to individuate from that. I'm not, but I'm not worried about a woman backstabbing me. Hey, I know how to, I mean, I'm not always perfect at this, but I know how to read indicators. I know how to read red flags. So I'm not going to allow myself or that type of woman to come into my empire for very long as soon as it's detected that you've got to go out. But I'm not afraid of supporting women because I'm afraid they're going to harm me because I'm not harming women. So I don't think I'm going to get women harming me. I love that. So you upgrade your value, you give back, you cut people that aren't basically contributing and helping you grow and don't share the same values and the same ethics as you. These are all incredible things, but it's like what's the same common sense as in common, right? These are all things that we all have to do every single day. That's right. And I look at everyone as an asset or a liability or are you an asset or a liability? I know I'm an asset. I was not always an asset. It's no judgment involved. I told you about my world and drugs and alcohol. I wasn't an asset. I was a liability to myself and everyone around me at that time. I wouldn't want me around at that time. I was not like good intention. I'm an asset now. I'm an asset to myself. I'm an asset to my family. I'm an asset to my group. I'm an asset to mankind. So I expect anyone to come into my life to be an asset to me because I know I'm an asset to them. I just want you to speak for a second. We touched on Imposter Syndrome. I think it's super important because it's getting over that first hurdle. It's allowing yourself to realize that you are enough. You are OK. You're worth putting the effort in to grow and to evolve and to upskill. How do you get over Imposter Syndrome? How do you get over that first hump? Well, the thing is, I think people confuse it a lot because if you're going to step into a new area, there's going to be unknowns involved. Well, it's kind of tricky. It's kind of like a catch-22 because you have to be the thing first. Then you have to do the actions in order to then have what you want. So let's say you want to have to be a doctor, OK? And that's what you want in your future and that's what you think you want to be or whatever. Well, then in this, at this moment in time, I have to be that role. I have to assume the position of the doctor. And then I have to do the steps of my schooling, my internship, my this, my that. And by the time I get to the other side, I have it. So am I an imposter? Like the word, the imposter would be if I'm not a doctor yet, but I'm falsifying the record and I'm on social media, pretending to be an expert and tell you that I'm a doctor when I'm not. That is an imposter. But now if I'm going toward that and I'm taking my steps of that and I'm wearing the beingness of being a doctor, like you just have to grant yourself the beingness to get through whatever you need to go through, you're not expected in this moment to know everything. So does that mean you quit or disqualify yourself or berate yourself for not knowing how to do open heart surgery? Because you haven't gotten there yet. So I'm not worthy of this or that because I'm not there yet. No, you still have to assume the role first. So I don't know if that was a good example, but it is, no, it is a good example. It's like, yeah, I 100% understand. I became a realtor. I became a realtor. I sidestepped from doing this world and I became a realtor. I didn't know anything about a realtor. I feel uncomfortable. I feel self-conscious. I feel like I don't know what I'm talking about half of the time. I feel insecure when I have to show an open house or not an open house, but like a realtor. Right? But does that mean I'm not a realtor? I'm a realtor. I'm licensed. But like that's real. But am I going to stop myself or not make someone want to do business with me because I don't have 10 years experience as a realtor? No. I don't have to go through that in order to be able to go, oh, I deserve it. So you just have to understand as a learning curve with anything, you're not going to feel like you're there yet. I'm not there yet, but it doesn't mean I can't assume the position and sell this person a house and go have my little mentor help me with the transaction or, you know, yeah. No, I'm just thinking like even like for an entrepreneur, it's like the first sales call you jump on. For myself, the first podcast I did, the first stage I stepped on every time it was like, you got to, you got to, you know, flip a switch and like be that person or you're just going to, you're going to be paralyzed with fear, right? Taking every single step and it never ends, by the way, it never, ever ends because throughout your entire life, you're going to have those moments as always, always, what was, what was, you know, the, the single most impactful piece of advice that you've received over your life, that you feel the absolute need to teach everybody that you speak with, that you talk to, that you coach. Oh, man, there's so many, but the couple popped in the mind. One is, this is my motto and what I live daily with every decision. Is you're either creating or destroying your empire, you're either creating or destroying your empire with every decision and, and I mean every decision, eating something that's bad for you. Okay, it was a little, maybe a little damaging, you know, you know, or, or did I eat it and it was creating because it was a reward that I told myself, you know, when I hit this, I get to have that cheesecake or whatever it is. Every decision, you're either creating or destroying, you know, and a lot of people don't look at the effects of how far they can go with making pro survival decisions and choices.