Lessons - How To Master Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

Welcome to the lessons episodes of Success Story. These lessons episodes will be shorter clips from past guests, accomplished value community members, and myself. In each short episode, we'll feature concise and insightful actionable conversations and tactics, providing you with real-world strategies and tips to help you achieve your personal and professional goals. If you're seeking a no-nonsense approach to growth and progress, you've come to the right spot. Settle in, take notes, and enjoy. Hey, Scott here. Today, I want to speak about one of the most important traits of an entrepreneur that you have to work on right now, emotional intelligence. Why do you have to work on it if you're going to be an exceptional entrepreneur or business leader and why do you have to hire for it if you are building a company and you're trying to bring new people into the organization? Why is emotional intelligence so important? Well, my stance is that emotional intelligence should be taught as a subject in elementary school. That's always been an opinion that I've held. Not only in EQ is a crucial tool for self-regulation and self-concept, but it underpins every action we take in our personal and professional lives. To me, emotional intelligence means understanding that our emotions aren't a reflection of reality or not necessarily anyway. It means having the ability to interpret our feelings in a conscious and deliberate way so that we can make decisions with clarity and purpose. Recently, I've been reading up on how this important trait plays into being an entrepreneur and what it means to be an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur. I know a pretty big chunk of the people that consume my content are super interested in this kind of thing and they're trying to figure out how to upskill themselves and hire for it, so I thought it would be valuable to share some of my findings. Here's what I've gathered on the traits of an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur. First of all, let's define emotional intelligence. I find it fascinating how so many of our psychological concepts were born hundreds or thousands of years ago, both Eastern and Western philosophies stretch back centuries. We still learn about the teachings of Confucius and Lao Tsao today and Sigma Freud's theories remain widely studied, so it's interesting to see that emotional intelligence, one of the most popular psychological concepts in the 21st century, was actually first formulated very recently, in the 90s actually, John D. Mayer of UNH and Peter Sullivan of Yale teamed up to coin and research emotional intelligence. Here's how they define EQ. Mental intelligence is the ability to accurately perceive your own and others emotions to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships and to manage your own and others emotions. It doesn't necessarily include the qualities like optimism, initiative, and self-confidence that some popular definitions subscribe to it. Now I actually love this definition because I think it draws in some of the most important distinctions. Many intelligent people aren't chronically optimistic nor do they ooze confidence every second of every day. That's not what EQ is about. Emotional intelligence is the ability to shape your reality based on how you respond to your emotions and those of the people around you. It's pretty powerful stuff. Hallmarks of emotionally intelligent people. This is where you can actually identify who these people are throughout history and one of my favorite figures in history, Victor Frankl. He is a holocaust survivor, a psychiatrist whose book, Man Search for Meaning, is one of the most crucial pieces of literature I've read in my life. Frankl wrote about how people can find meaning even in the darkest moment. His work has been studied by everyone from philosophers to psychiatrist entrepreneur. And I think it speaks volumes about emotionally intelligent people. They are able to take something that other people consider negative and find a way to use it in their favor. Here's something he said that I'll never forget. To quote him, between stimulus and response, there's a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom. An emotionally immature person lives their life as though the universe owes them something. They are completely at the mercy of their emotions, forgetting that emotion is just a chemical reaction in the brain. It's fleeting and it doesn't necessarily dictate how we should act or think. An emotionally intelligent person takes the space between stimulus and response to choose their reaction wisely. They take responsibility for their emotions and then they use them as a guide to making decisions that are in line with their values rather than letting them rule over them. Now, let's think about the role of an entrepreneur for a second. Let's take this and tie it back to business. First and foremost, it's a career of total devotion. It isn't a part-time job. You wake up and you work until you go to bed late at night. You take on a double work week, you just to get your ideas off the ground. You wear every hat and you do whatever needs to be done. Along that, complete dedication, you're interacting with tens or hundreds of people, employees, consultants, potential clients, investors, etc. and so on and so forth. You're also managing tasks, delegating responsibilities, dealing with a variety of complex issues every single day. If you're disarmed by something as unpredictable and unpreventable as an emotion, all of these responsibilities fall by the wayside. Emotions are going to ebb and flow in the life of an entrepreneur and you need to be able to ride the waves and stay afloat at all times. So what are the traits of an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur? And if you're wondering whether or not you have the chops to be an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur, which I think is just an entrepreneur, here are a few traits that show you that you may already be on the right path. Number one, you approach your industry with a sense of awe, humility and curiosity. A common trap of entrepreneurs is that they try to enter a niche with the attitude that they know everything. It's partially a self-serving fallacy to make themselves feel better, but it's also an avoidance mechanism. Spotting your knowledge gaps means stepping into the unknown. Emotionally, mature entrepreneurs curious about their industry. They're startingly aware of their own shortcomings, but they embrace the process of learning and growing, and that means knowing when to pivot. Second thing, you make changes earlier rather than later. If an entrepreneur has a high EQ, they don't resist change at all. Instead, they understand that their original idea might not be the one they stick with for the long haul. They're comfortable making changes or something isn't working out, especially if it's hurting themselves, their team, their customers. Entrepreneurs who resist change do themselves a massive disservice. It's not only a sign of emotional immaturity, but it's also a missed opportunity to take control and shape the future. Third thing, you wait for strong emotions to pass before responding. The decision-making process of a successful entrepreneur is often rooted in logic and reason, but when emotions come into play, it's important to take a step back and let yourself process situation without being reactive. A good example is when entrepreneurs are confronted with difficult questions or criticism from investors, stakeholders, as long as their emotional state isn't too overwhelming, they can pause for a moment and respond thoughtfully and constructively. It's the same with team communication. Too many CEOs are highly reactive and let their emotions enter communication with their team, which can be super damaging. An emotionally intelligent entrepreneur takes a step back and considers a situation from different angles before responding. Fourth thing, you understand how to lead with empathy. A high EQ entrepreneur doesn't just know when to keep their emotions in check, but they also know when to use them effectively. They don't shy away from showing vulnerability or compassion, as they recognize that these are qualities that can be powerful tools for connecting with others, fostering team-spirit building culture. They know how to draw on their own experiences or listen carefully to the stories and perspectives of others in order to create an understanding of shared goals and objectives. They also understand that emotional intelligence is a two-way street. They have to be willing to take responsibility for their own feelings as well as those of the people around them. Fifth thing, you invest in yourself outside your business. No matter how much energy you invest into your business or how attached you are to this child of yours that you're trying to grow, it doesn't change what really matters. The only consistent presence in your life is yourself, and if you don't take a care of yourself, you risk being left with nothing. Emotionally intelligent entrepreneurs and just people maintain a balanced perspective. They're fully aware that careers aren't the be all and end all. For that reason, they make sure to invest in activities and nurture their own well-being such as exercise, meditation, and hobbies. Six point, you embrace criticism and ask for feedback. There's one thing that I'd like to see more of in the entrepreneurial space, it's humility. To willingness to admit mistakes and accept criticism, high-eq entrepreneurs understand that feedback is essential for personal growth and development so they make sure to continually ask for it from their team. They don't just wait for an acid tweet, they actually seek out constructive criticism, allowing them to understand their own weaknesses and capitalize on their own strengths. But at the same time, these entrepreneurs are secure enough in themselves to take criticism without feeling personally attacked. They recognize that it's a necessary part of success, not something to be feared or avoided. Seventh point, your relationships matter more than money. What do I mean by that? At the end of the day, relationships are paramount for successful entrepreneurs. It's not just about networking or making connections, it's about building strong, meaningful relationships that will stand by you no matter what. And no, it isn't enough to buddy up with workmates or teammates. Emotionally intelligent entrepreneurs seek out and invest in platonic and romantic relationships that exist outside the realm of their business. You have friends, you have a spouse, you have people in your life. And inside the business as well, the reason here is simple. It's a separation of work and personal life that makes them more resilient and able to handle difficult situations without letting their emotions take over. Eighth point, you invest in employees rather than viewing them as assets. The difference between an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur and a traditional CEO is that the latter of you's employees is nothing more than assets to be used to their own benefit. The former, however, understands if people are much more complex than that. They have goals, they have dreams of their own. That's why emotionally intelligent entrepreneurs make sure to invest in the development of their team members, giving them the tools and resources they need to reach their full potential. They recognize that it's in their best interest, both professionally and personally, to invest in people. It's the surest way to create long-term success. Ninth point, you show up authentically in all settings. It's very unsettling to meet CEOs and business owners who change their tone drastically depending on the environment. Probably met these people before. They seem to have a certain business persona if they put on when they're in a company meeting with clients or investors. High Q entrepreneurs take the opposite approach. They show up authentically in all settings, all interactions. They understand that their relationships and businesses only benefit from genuine conversations. So they make sure to be open and honest with everyone they meet. Ninth point, you actively consume the thoughts and opinions and ideas of people you disagree with. I think number 10 is true for everyone. Actually, a lot of these are true for everyone, not just entrepreneurs, but it's one of the ones that resonates most with what the general public should be thinking about and doing. It's one of the most important traits for emotionally intelligent people. The ability to listen, understand, and learn from those who have different opinions in us. High Q entrepreneurs make sure to open themselves to the perspectives that differ from their own. Inside and outside the industry, recognizing that these conversations are essential for personal growth and development. Now, I love this trait because it's a surefire way to keep yourself humble and basically eliminate your comfort zone. You're not stuck in an echo chamber. You're actively expanding and understanding the world. Now, the beauty of emotional intelligence is that it's a learned trait. Some of us were fortunate enough to begin learning it at a young age. Perhaps we had emotionally balanced parents or went through a life-changing experience that forced us to confront and manage our emotions. But if none of the above applies, don't be discouraged. Emotional intelligence is something we can all learn over time, working with a psychologist and consuming content from the likes of Brene Brown and Gary Chapman can help you gain massive insight into your own emotions as well as how to manage them. Remember, emotional intelligence is one of the most important traits an entrepreneur can have. Not just being able to read people, it's about having the courage and humility to learn from them. Invest in relationships, embrace criticism, show up authentically in all settings. If you're looking to become more emotionally intelligent, start by taking steps towards understanding your own emotions as well as the feelings of those around you. From there, you can begin to build a meaningful life, both inside and outside your business. If you enjoyed this, you're watching it on YouTube. Please like, comment, subscribe, leave a comment below, hit the bell, whatever, all the YouTube stuff. If you're listening to this via podcast, make sure to share it with somebody who'd find it useful. And if you have some feedback, any other topics you want me to go into, just write them in the comments below and I'll be sure to cover every single one. Have a great day.