Heather Monahan - Top 50 Keynote Speaker & Best-Selling Author | How to Create Confidence

Welcome to success story. I'm your host, Scott Clary. The success story podcast is part of the HubSpot podcast network They have great podcasts you should go listen to but they also have great technology that can help your business The big reason why more than 300 of last year's unicorn startups use HubSpot is because there is no other software that keeps you better Connected with your teams and your customers so you can crush all your business sales revenue marketing goals The new HubSpot sales hub brings you that power of an easy-to-use platform designed for today's top entrepreneurs Today's top sales teams with 360-degree deal management and real-time reporting You get accurate windows into every inch of your business and with AI power tools like their new chat spot You'll have a dedicated assistant that knows your business inside and out chat spot enables your team with one-stop access to a ton of Time-saving functions like pulling data tracking calls managing leads scheduling emails So trade cold calls for warm leads because when it comes to scaling sales your software should be smart and the solutions It should be simple get on track for your best Q1 yet check out HubSpot sales hub at HubSpot.com slash sales What was that inflection point could have been growing up could have been when your older could have been Family career relationship. Oh my gosh. There's so many you have to pick one. Okay. I have to pick one I would say obviously there's a lot of inflection points in my life But one an earlier one that sent me down a completely different trajectory. I Had been right out of college. I went to work at the Gala winery and I was a salesperson and I became top salesperson blah blah blah. I Start getting sexually harassed at work Back then I wasn't the most confident person the world was young. I was 21 22 years old and so I just quit and And my boyfriend at the time who I lived with his father owned a bud distributor and Very very very successful like on the outside everyone looked at us like they're getting married I thought we were getting married like this is a love of my life. We had a dog together right like it was you're doing all the right things the quote-unquote picture perfect, right and All of a sudden I'm unemployed. I go to some event I start chatting up some guy at the event the guy offers me a job on a spot This is pre-google, right? There's no Google opportunities back then. I had no idea. I threw out a number. He hires me I start working for this guy. He's in the radio business. I'm selling air You know you're a good salesperson when you can sell air. Okay, let's leave it at that So I'm really getting trained well in sales and the guy's incredible super successful Things are going great and he's like I am gonna make you my protege And I'm getting so excited every day going to work anyway one day come home And there's a t-shirt with lipstick on it in my house my boy from cheating on me I it was definitely a shock I had never been cheated on at this point in my life and I'm still very young 22 something like that 23 and so I but I thought I was marrying this guy We've been together for years. We live together. You know, I just I was in shock. So Immediately I moved out and went to a friend's house I was like I cannot you know be with this guy I'm out of here, but I fell into this deep funk like I Stopped wearing makeup to work. I was like little, you know cry. I was a train wreck But I've become very close with my boss during this time as he was mentoring me So he immediately recognized something was wrong with me And so I went into work and he's like whoa What happened to my star like where where is she what's happening? So I said I got cheated on and I thought I was Marrying him and he actually had known my boyfriend and he said I'm gonna ask you a question Will you get on a plane with me and move somewhere to be my partner site unseen you can't ask me where we're gonna go I'm gonna drop you off. You're gonna be the on-site partner You're gonna run the company you and I will stay in touch to be a phone until we sell it our goals to go and Acquire this company you accelerate revenues as fast as you can We're gonna go ahead and sell it and then I'm gonna put your name on the map And I'm like does it mean I don't have to see him anymore. It's all I cared about he said yeah They're gonna get on a plane and never come back again. I'm like Where do I sign up? So that was the extent of it. That is something I would have I would have never no one leaves home Like I grew up in outside of Boston and this you know big city that everyone was friends forever They're still all my best friends live there. I would have never left that city ever had that man not cheated on me And it ended up being this incredible gift that I was given my partner and I bought a $25 million company We landed in Saginaw, Michigan, which I had never been to before bought the company obviously you didn't have money at the time So he's buying the company. He's putting you into I was a sweat equity partner He was the finance behind it and so He literally dropped me off. I walked in the doors at 24 years old and And I'd never run a company before right I had been number one salesperson here or there whatever But I had never run my own company and I walked in and everyone was white and in their fifties It was the radio business and we had news talk radio and all these five different radio stations Everyone was so much older than me and I walked in and introduced myself as every the owner of the company Everybody was now working for and in under three years we accelerated rap revenue So rapidly we sold that company for $55 million in under three years. So that's a huge success story I'm so curious first of all how you did it But also why would somebody trust you like at such a young age that's such a powerful Opportunity what do you think it like what do you think it was like you unpack that because that was a lot of chance Like a lot of things were happening in your life that like allowed you to take that step But there was something and then maybe hindsight's 2020 maybe you can identify it that allowed you to not only Create the relationship with the person to that allowed them to trust you to do this thing to manage 25 million dollar asset But also succeed at that Don't you already trust me just having known me for 30 minutes. I do trust you right. So my point is this There is but I don't know why right, but there isn't a Nate Understanding or I believe it's about goodness and in who someone truly is like who you really are as a human being I'm not saying what you do for a living or or any of that But there's a sense whether it's energy or intuition whatever it is that people can You know Game sees game like sees like when you are around successful good people and my old boss this boss in that situation Was a really good human. He was a great husband. He was a good dad. He was very successful in business Like sees like he saw me and probably seeing me go through that really difficult situation where my heart got broken I was very vulnerable right he'd already seen me perform at a very high level of business So he knew that I had the business acumen and that he could mentor me from he'd run companies before so he could advise me as you know My mentor but Probably looking back on at that moment of him seeing me crushed and knowing this girl is the real Dia she cares, you know, she's really sad This is the kind of person that I want to Be in business with as a partner. So so taking that on Obviously, that's a huge responsibility. You you handle it with grace you were stressed out how did how did you handle this? You know first time CEO co-founder role D all of the above right so One of the interesting things about being new at something is you approach it from your own vantage point of I saw things totally different than anybody else did because I wasn't 50 years old I didn't have 30 years expertise in this business right I had whatever it was two years in in business in general and so for me I saw everything through a new lens of why have you been doing it this way that doesn't you make any sense That doesn't sound effective or efficient. No, let's change it and do it this way So in so many ways I made great decisions because of my lack of expertise But there are many situations where I made horrible decisions and one very specifically sticks out to me I had a business manager. I'm not great on the like CFO that's never gonna be I'm the revenue and operation side Strategy side. I'm not the person that counts the pennies. That's not even to this day Like that's just not my vibe somebody else can always do that for me. I don't want to do that. I'm not great at it So my business manager for this huge operation Had a bad attitude. I didn't like her from day one and so I knew I set my sights that I better replace this person However, it wasn't like a there was so many other things I had to do before I could get to that one problem You know, I'm like I handle this this in this first and then you can go get rid of her and upgrade that person Well, while I was fixing all these other things She's quietly working in the background and problems start arising problem start So I start things are dripping out of her division to me and I can see there's and I knew what impact her attitude She just wasn't my person So I'm like this things escalating. I'm gonna have to get rid of her so I call my partner I'm like listen I don't I don't know what to do. You know this is not my wheelhouse. I can't just fire this lady and jump in and fix it myself In any other area of that business. I could I didn't feel confident in that arena So I'm like she's kind of got me and he's like don't ever let anyone get you if they see you as weak You're done kid. I'm like you're right effort. I went in and blew her out Just from like a principal standpoint. I thought This is the right thing for me to do and it's gonna show everybody else that you're either with me or you're against me and you know, I'm gonna make a mark from a cultural standpoint that hey This is the team get with the team if you're gonna be against us get a new job so I blew her out and The it was a great idea to blow her out. It was a horrible idea to do it without someone to replace her Right, I didn't have anyone in the wings and I wasn't I didn't have the capability So knowing that um, you know, I had to start looking so I started ground zero and in the interim I did the job until I found somebody and I had no idea what I was doing and I created a lot of headaches for myself I want to just on that one particular point just quick thing because obviously that that moment stuck out with you and that was like the first like Super high-tension person interaction you had to deal with in a company where you're firing somebody that's really shitting the bed with their job um Small business less than the plot of that Where do you think or when do you think you exit somebody out of the company because they really have no chance of ever Performing growing up skilling as a human being versus when is the opportunity where you see a person like that and you actually Could mentor them could help them. What was that factor that you saw? That was no she's not going to be good for the organization There's no way to ever get this person to where we need her to be that's about attitude That's about values That's about who a person is not about skill set or experience or expertise in my opinion All day long I'll take someone who's greener or doesn't have the expertise but has that want and will and like fits with culture And it's like a team player and you know and as a champion I'll spend time to mentor and teach anybody or I'll hire someone into bring them in so they can advance them That's the most important thing. This lady had a bad attitude from the word go And you can't fix a bad attitude nor should you and p.s You're saving that other person when you say to them. You're not a great fit here You'll be happier somewhere else. This is where we're going to shake hands and part friends I wish you the best to look that person will what in the moment they might say this is horrible What's happening to me? It's gonna be so much better for them when they go find their culture and someone out There's gonna want them at their table. It's it's it's so interesting because anytime I've let somebody go or even I've been fired from something. It's like always a net positive It's always in that positive But it's like in the moment emotions are high. You're not gonna see it But it's always because if somebody's no one nobody shows up to work and doesn't want to succeed No, nobody wakes up and is like I want to be a fuck-up today No one no one says that no and they show up and they don't perform and they're like Okay, so maybe they don't get how valuable they are to maybe someone else. So it's Very scary to be fired to be laid off whatever But it's very smart to figure out the values because it is like a a skill versus will thing Right, so okay keep keep walking me down this this this timeline So obviously you exit this company at a great valuation huge multiple. That's a Insane win for your first ever entrepreneurial gig. So what's next? So they had tied my hands a company that acquired us. They were trying to force me to stay and run the operation for the new company Which I which I was never gonna be doing right and what's so interesting from a business standpoint business lesson here for anyone listening If you want people to run through Wallsview if you want people to be as loyal and ever give them equity Even a small slice in your organization because someone like me. I'd grown up poor I didn't even know a person like me could get a chance to you know drive a value 30 million dollars and share on those profits granted. I wasn't a 50 50 partner by the way However, like I didn't even know that that type of money was an opportunity for me and I believe anyone who truly has a big vision and wants to build a big company give those key Members a piece of action on your team and watch your team explode like I would have never worked so hard and cared so much Unless I had been you know an equity partner in that organization. I know and then you know, it's funny how You have to align you have to line me incentives right and then a company So now you sell it to a group or whoever bought it they want to keep you on you don't have equity You don't have any reason to stick around zero Which is honestly stupid of them because they should have negotiated that as part of the actual acquisition But that's besides the point whatever they didn't make a some people are greedy though They think that they're gonna get you to force you to stay which is silly But it's stupid and never works out and if you are in that position like please like know your worth and actually get equity in a company Because our companies that will that will give you equity and yes Like and your equity is negotiable. That's an I didn't negotiate my equity another thing a lack of experience I just thought I'm lucky that he's giving me anything So when you're young in your career people take advantage of you like all the time Especially if you're ambitious and you're bright and you're smart and you like put in those hundred hour weeks Like they will take advantage of you again and again and again as much as they possibly can't shoot so okay So shitty sheet situation know your worth okay? So they put a non-compete on my partner so that he could not hire me with it. We couldn't do another deal So for that industry in that industry for one year and that's all he did that so his that was his industry smart guy He knows that he's like listen. Let's let the thing run out. We'll be partners again. I'll buy another company somewhere We'll just wait great So I said until then he's like take a take a few months off. I don't want I like I like making money I want to work. I want to add value. Who should I work for so he said Go to a publicly traded company. I have a friend who's the CEO the company's huge It's much larger than what you know, we had it's a nationwide take yourself to the next level and like further This you know leverage that you now have now use this to go to the next level great So I go down I interview with the company and they say it in me well We don't have like a huge opportunity like what you just had will give you a small market You show us what basically you got to come in here and prove yourself You're going to show us what you do one small market here in Naples, Florida If you can do something similar to what you're describing Yet again, like you know, just taking advantage of a young girl coming in Um will give you a bigger chance So I said okay, take a step backwards to move forward easy enough I can do that in my sleep So I came and I turned their small market around and made it the number one market in the company and driving like multi-million dollars It was insane. It was like six months and so when I When I saw the numbers I far exceeded what my goals were I thought now this is when you strike like well You've got all the leverage, right? Yeah I created the turn Exactly so I and anytime you want to negotiate with somebody and you know It's not going to be the other side's not going to be excited for it do it face to face Right don't do it over the phone Anyone's easy to say no to an email a text or on a phone call, but I'm really hard to say no to in person So I called the president of the company and I said Let's meet for lunch We go to lunch and I just kind of start recapping what we agreed upon when I entered the company What he wanted out of me how I'd over delivered and I'm like so I'm sure we both feel really good about the results We're seeing is like incredible how they're like you're killing it. I'm so grateful. You're you know such a nice guy Really appreciative. I said great Well actually, I'm here today to pitch you a position in the company that doesn't currently exist I've taken a step back from the organization to look at where are we missing opportunity? What I've realized is what I've done in this one marketplace they had let's say 30 marketplaces across country If we extrapolate that and and implement it into the 30 marketplaces that turns out to be let's say a hundred million dollars Would you like to you know increased revenue by a hundred million over the next eight months instead of just by 10 million here He's like well, yeah, I mean obviously course, but you know this anytime you're going in to pitch something new different There's risk people have fears or you know they have all their own concerns We're gonna lose it from this market. So anyway, he looks right at me. It's like for right now stay where you are So go back to work and immediately I start dialing for other positions. I'm like f this this guy's your energy time here Exactly proven what he'd wanted me to and he was not reciprocating which yeah, so I felt like okay Then he's not being honest with me So I find another big job in Boston and they make an offer and send it over to me And I said let me have one conversation before I sign off on anything just the right thing to do to my employer I go back to lunch two weeks later. I sit down. I said heavy thought any further. He's like no heaven I'm a great then this is my resignation and he said you're kidding me I'll be right back and he walks out of the restaurant He's gone five minutes and he comes back in he said I'd love to award you our newly created position of VP of sales for the country And I said where did you go? And he said well, I had to call my father I couldn't make that decision on my own and I learned this powerful lesson in that moment never take a no From someone who can't tell you yes Right, so I was sitting there thinking oh, this is my fate like it's it's done He never even had the ability to say yes to me So always qualify, you know who that decision-maker is and who needs to be present in order to make a better decision So I was promoted to VP sales then EVP then chief revenue officer during my tenure We more than double the companies revenue and a market and decline to incredibly well Do you have equity yet though in the second cut in this company? You're building up. Yeah. Well, this is a publicly traded company I'd like shares. Oh, okay, good. I'm just I'm clarifying that you're actually getting a piece of this Yeah, nothing like before I mean listen the reality is this there are restrictions and publicly traded companies that you don't need to adhere to when you're in a private company So from from a lucrative standpoint like go with a private people if you're looking just to make some good coin fast It's a little bit slower and you know when you're in a large risk too much less risk is traditional exactly so We um do incredibly well and all of a sudden the CEO that I'd been working for for 14 years becomes L Any elevates his daughter to replace him and immediately I was fired Really yes, why? I'm well, I was told this is what she said to me She said well as the new CEO I no longer need a chief revenue officer, so I no longer need you So she is living on this fucking thing I've ever heard Clearly, well, you should see what happened. The stock was trading. I believe the day I was fired was like at $15. Yeah, now it's a penny stock and that's five years later And again, it's not all due to me. I'm sure she made a number of bad decisions along the way But any CEO that would ever verbalize. I don't need anyone driving revenue for the company. That's a red flag Well, it's a little bit of her in my opinion. She was the CFO. I was a CRO So we were always running in our own lanes kind of not working together And they're in my opinion. I always felt choose jealous of me Because the nature of the business if you're the chief revenue officer you're the one that's on the stages You're the one that's addressing the team in the company. Yeah, she's back at corporate counting the money. It's a deal with that Clearly died in my opinion. She's never verbalized it this way But I just my sense was again back to women against women like there's a lot of situations in corporate America where the person sabotaging you is not a man It's another woman. I was wondering why you spoke I was wondering what the part of your life was that led you to that because you spoken about this concept and a lot of the stuff You put out a lot of the talks you put together and I've heard it a lot I've heard this a lot that women don't support women I've heard it from my girlfriend or from other professionals and whatnot and it's really it's really sad actually But I mean if you look for a mentor you look for a peer women look at a man who's Very willing to help them grow in their career very willing to help teach whatever they have to learn So I was very curious as to what happened. So this is the story of what happened Yes Okay, I get it. So okay, so what's the lesson in this because this is like it's a story. It sucks But everyone listening is like well that shitty. How would I deal with that? I got fired by my CEO. What could I do? A couple of things you know One when people say to me, you know, what do you do when you see women bullying other women because it's something no one talks about Yes, with me to movement people start talking about you know sexual harassment somebody needs to speak out if you're in any environment and you see a woman stabbing another woman in the back Call about say not here. I'm not here for that like you need to verbalize that's not okay anymore to just talk poorly about another person Because she's a woman in your jealous. It's embarrassing and people need to be called out on their bad behavior But the other thing I would say is that you know for me getting fired was the jump off point for my entire career to move into work That I was destined to do that is purposeful that is mission driven that is so much larger than what I was doing before And I would have never thought to do it similar to the boyfriend cheating on me I would have never thought Go take a chance and write about the only reason why I did is I had an 18 month non-compete non-salis at which meant I could not determination even after termination I could not compete in the industry. I had 20 plus years expertise in I had to start over somewhere as a beginner So I had to make the decision am I gonna roll the dice and bet on me or am I gonna go try the aviation industry or the hotel But you know, I'm gonna start over somewhere as a beginner. I might as well roll the dice on me So when you when you first built out like your your own brand, which is like that That's the the book that's the the content you put out online like I mean you've written two books now um You start to build a community. You start to build a community That's obviously people that you know everything you spoken about up into this point in in your career that really resonates with them So I'm curious when you start to build out a brand What's the messaging? How do you start to build a community? How do you realize that? Oh, I felt like I was treated like shit by my CEO But there's like a whole bunch of other people here that are being treated in their own jobs in their own lives And like they don't have guidance. They don't have support and that's who you're serving now obviously so Walk me through that transition point in your life How did you find out that this is the message you want to speak about you want to speak about confidence you want to speak about all these different subjects You have it. How do you translate it into building a community? I had no idea. I didn't even know that's what I was doing and that's like what are you doing at the beginning? So so what happened actually is one year before I was fired yeah one year before that one was promoted to CEO I was struggling to attract talent and recruit for my industry because it was a very traditional industry and only older people wanted to take sales jobs in my organization So I thought I can't keep chasing down one to one individuals. I don't have enough time in a day I need to create floodgates to pull people towards me and when I thought about that reverse engineering I thought about what if I start creating content online to show up who I am as a leader how I can mentor advise and develop people My experiences and expertise around starting from nothing and making it to the top and how it's possible for anybody if they find the right leader And then I'll start attracting swarms of young people to me Then I can hire the one full swoop start, you know Developing them. So that was my strategy around launching a personal brand. I love it And I love the orange story of a creator too because it's always different right nobody very few people jump into being a creator purposefully Like you start putting up content shit happens. I don't know I'm having podcasts I was I was a CRO on a tech company. I didn't you know grow up thinking I'm gonna start a podcast Anyway, it's your story go ahead. So it's so similar. It's so wild It just goes to show life does not turn out the way that you think it should or could Instead it's about just owning those moments and being curious up like okay Everything's uncertain right now. That means anything's possible I've got to start looking for the opportunity and so for me You know, I built my initial community during that time. I was still with the corporation when I got fired is when it exploded I believe I had maybe, you know, four thousand people in my community when I got fired well, I put up a post 24 hours after I got fired no one was calling me so I put up a post I've just been fired after 14 years of continuous advancement At Blah blah blah media group because I never give them any props because they don't have any social media following some not gonna Let them access minor yours. So you know, I said I've just been fired If I've ever done anything to help you I need to hear from you now that post one viral and had a millions of shares It was crazy and the cool thing was so many people called me and said take that post down. You look pathetic If anyone finds out you're fired, they're not gonna want to hire you And I did something smart in that moment. I checked in with myself and I thought do you feel pathetic? And I thought I don't I didn't murder anyone. I didn't steal I didn't do anything bad and treat people crappy I was treated crappy. So I googled has anyone really successful ever been fired Mark Cuban billionaire Oprah Winfrey billionaire JK Rowling billionaire the Steve jobs The list goes on and basically anyone who's Uber successful one has been fired. Yeah So I decided to reframe I'm proud. I'm gonna rock getting fired and the funny thing is to this day That's still how people know me on social media is you know the lady that got fired that you know It was like really proud of it who reframed it and so that weird difficult challenging situation became this blessing that grew my community So quickly it was incredible and started that landing me on the Elvis Durant show and halfway through that interview He looked at when he's like obviously you're writing a book And I wasn't But because he had conviction and I saw him is so far ahead of me and so successful I said well obviously I am Elvis and so in front of millions of people I held myself accountable and said I was gonna write this book and then Jumped on a plane and googled how do you write a book and it's just right and so that's what I did So when you so as you build out your brand You you put yourself out there like super authentically Which is really at the end of the day. That's all it is you didn't have a strategy You didn't have a key to going viral yet nothing said oh I'm just posting a shit that I'm dealing with in my life Yeah, and then hopefully a resignation somebody and guarantee that if it is something I'm going through I don't need something a lot of other people are going through as well. So you so You wrote to both you wrote confidence creator over come your villain which one was the first one again confidence creator Okay, so walk me through Because it's so interesting because your villain was so recent But you didn't write about overcoming your villain until later on I needed space I was still so scared of being sued every day. Scott. I used to wake up. Oh my god. Be careful of being sued I thought this late. It's very different. Why when you're running when you're in the sea suite of a large organization And you have some experience with this a large public trade organization You have an arsenal of attorneys that are just sitting by with nothing to do other than what you tell them right yeah When suddenly you're fired and you're a lone man you're a lone wolf you don't have anyone So I knew if she wanted to come from me. She has everybody's already sitting there on salad doesn't cost her one new dime For me to go higher a team of attorneys that could bury me So from a strategic standpoint This is what this is I wasn't aware. I was living in fear That was my fear right and and the math worked in my head like this makes sense But I didn't realize is this lady was so afraid of the truth coming out of what had really gone on She was hiding she was more scared than I probably was right so funny But I didn't know that at the time. I was just looking at it from the lens of how I was afraid I was an ever thinking she was afraid cut to right now Ladies never sued me ladies never done anything because she wants this to go away She doesn't want this out there She doesn't want anyone to know any of this happened and she probably praise every night that I just disappear You know or lose interest in this conversation. We don't bring up her name in a podcast in front of millions of people right because that looks like Makes somebody look like an asshole. Yeah. Okay, so confidence creator What was what was the theme? What was the thing you're trying to teach over in that book? So that first book was a compilation of my lowest moments and how I leverage them to create confidence within myself and how the reader could too So what we spoke through some of these lowest moments as well, but there's some other others I'm sure like let's go through some of the There's so many there's so many, but you know What I like about that book is I had never written a book for I had zero experience and expertise I hired an editor halfway through who had written 19 books and had you know Was able to advise me and help give me a framework for how to structure the book But it's just like a raw Me just creating content hoping to show Readers how they can create confidence in their life from stopping apologizing to accepting compliments to Giving yourself, you know, a 30-day challenge with actionable steps each day Like the just mapping out exactly what I had done during that time I got fired until I bounced back which really took me about about a month And so I wanted everybody to have that same blueprint and what's so crazy my second book is with Harpercon's leadership I probably 200 editors on that second book. There were so many people involved to this day I have more reviews of my first book It's so wild how people almost can sense how raw that first one was that it was like almost more me I get great reviews. It's you know, both books did very well But like I it's more like personal almost from the first book I just want to take a quick second and tell you about one more podcast You have to check out if you're a fan of success story It's sales evangelist hosted by Donald Kelly brought to you by the HubSpot podcast network Each week Donald interviews the world best sales experts successful sellers sales leaders and entrepreneurs who share their strategies to succeed in sales right now He brings on Jeffrey Gittimer Jill Conrath Bob Burr Guy Kawasaki. They share actionable insights and stories that will encourage Challenge and motivate you to hustle your way to more revenue for your business if you're somebody who's looking to take off in your sales career If you are an entrepreneur who's looking to sell more I think all of us are go listen to sales evangelist wherever you get your podcasts Um, I want to for people that are listening please teach over some of the things from that first book So you just mentioned do things and I'm like shit. I do that so I don't know if it's a Canadian thing. I think that's a stereotype where I you always apologize right So I always say sorry for the dumbest shit and then I hate I hate compliments So two of the three things that you just mentioned I'm like oh god, that's not good. Well, let's let's dive into both of those because they're very very common And typically with women and I didn't know Canadian it could be a cultural thing too But specifically women apologize for everything at least here in the US And for me it was working out at Barry's bootcamp is where I noticed that I was doing this I'd be in the treadmills half the classes on the treads and I'd be killing it. I'm looking in the mirror I'm talking myself up. I'm like girl you are killing it. I'm so proud of you You know myself talk was really positive the minute we hit the floor and you have to run and grab your weights Big guys bump into me by accident, but I find myself. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, and I didn't do anything wrong And suddenly I'm on the floor and I'm like not feeling powerful And I had to say hey pause Heather We know why are you apologizing to him? So my first tactic was I gave myself a seven-day challenge I will not apologize to anyone for anything for seven days I will just say excuse me because that was really where it started was Barry's So I would not apologize and I would just say excuse me excuse me And then that became easier and I was like okay now I just need to make this is my new regular I don't say sorry anymore. I say excuse me So then I decided to go to the next level. How could I reframe it? When I decide to stop making it about me when I'm saying I'm sorry It's all about Heather Maybe I'm gonna start making you about everybody else Well, then I can thank them for their patience Thank them for their understanding. Thanks for waiting for me And saying sorry I'm late. So make it about how can you be grateful and show gratitude towards others Instead of being selfish about yourself And once I made that reframe it was easy to implement Because I don't even think Now even when I say it It's not even a genuine Of course not It's having I apologize you're just saying it because it's the word that pops into your head So you believe and I actually I don't not believe this because I I think that I've had to work on myself as like being too much of a people pleaser I think a lot of people have that Not everybody I think enough people have that problem Where they want to please everybody and they want everybody to be happy And they don't realize that like not everybody has their best interest in mind either So But if you say sorry all the time you believe that that actually Starts to chip away at your own self worth It does You're putting yourself beneath other people You're blaming yourself Essentially you're accepting blame for something that you didn't even do You're putting yourself beneath others I believe we're all meant to be on a level playing field So we need to take people off of pedestals And we need to stop putting ourselves beneath other people What was the reaction when you What was how you felt about yourself Also how was the reaction of everyone around you when you sort of change how you can Oh, it's like a word ninja when you start showing up late to things You're like thank you so much everyone for waiting for me Let's let the meeting begin Everyone's like oh girl go you just Own bed or someone's like hey I'm out on vacation Blah blah blah and you respond to them I appreciate your situation with vacation However can you get back me We're like I'm not apologizing to people I'm not making excuses for people I'm just I'm kind of being grateful and owning it It's just really Powerful way to show up as the best version of you blamelessly Why does why does Except not accepting compliments play into this as well Oh my gosh, this is a huge one and this one took me a while to figure out I never thought about this before but I've always known that I hate Well, you don't take them well. You're not going to like this So I know I won't like it but I'm learning whatever I'm improving I didn't realize this either When I was younger people would always say to me Wow your eyes are so pretty or your blue eyes Like I would always get compliments my eyes And I would dismiss it right away That's my parents or yet good genetics or I could never Just be oh thank you so much And someone pointed out to me You know when you speak like that You made me feel bad about saying something I was generally trying to give you a compliment about But you probably didn't think you deserved it either did you And when that was highlighted to me I paused again and said wow Not only did I not make myself feel better And grateful for someone giving me comment I made them feel worse for giving one That's not making the world a better place So I'm like this is like a double negative So I challenged myself that I'm going to next time Even if it's uncomfortable Best I'm gonna get out is I'm gonna say thank you And then I'm gonna move on like I can do that So I focused on that at first Like when someone says hey your eyes are really pretty Thank you and then move on And so then I got to a point where I'd done that for a couple of years I'm like hey it doesn't feel uncomfortable anymore Okay now I can actually have a conversation with someone about it Like oh wow thanks so much You know I used to feel really uncomfortable when people would say things like that to me But that was so sweet of you to take a moment Come over and say something kind to me And it's very genuine thank you You know so then I I would start understanding So then someone would say something Wow that was so special how you did this or this Thank you so much for highlighting that Like I started showing up as a better version of me Which made other people feel better About taking the moment to do something that was kind and thoughtful And I thought that's who I really want to be Like that's how I want to show up And the more I did it The more it wasn't uncomfortable anymore And now I can't fathom When I give someone a compliment and they react the way I used to I'm like oh whoa whoa hang on Hey you are a good person You deserve to be able to process a compliment You know in your day I want you to know I mean that from the bottom of my heart I'm being genuine Can you receive it from me that way And I know it feels uncomfortable at first Because I lived it too You know what I'm thinking through I'm thinking through this right now And I think a lot of it has to do with Not total lack of self-love But like there's some level of lack of self-love That's included in that Because I think about compliments in my mind I'm like well I know when I've done something good And I know when I screwed up So if I've done it good Like I don't need to hear it from someone else Like I'll be aware of like when I kill it But it's like you almost just feel like You have to navigate this world on your own You almost just feel like you have to I don't know that's the way I feel at least Like if someone tells me a compliment I already know I did good But I definitely know when I screwed up And it's like good is like okay fine Like but I have more to do now I have more good stuff to do I have more good work to do whatever it is So it's like almost like you don't take a moment And appreciate yourself And celebrate yourself Yeah we get to celebrate all the wins even the small ones But then it ends up manifesting an actual confidence So it's like it's not just it's not just like Okay if you dismiss all the things that you do that are good You think you're doing it because it's not important To celebrate these small things about me Whatever Then ultimately could impact your performance And date and thing Of course right Because you're not going to be the most confident version of yourself Exactly Totally I love that What was the last thing you mentioned three things One more thing and I want to go into the next book What was the other Oh I was talking about a 30 day plan So one of the things that I found with getting fired Was a lot of people say it's like What's your life vision or your 10 year plan When you get fired or you face life And you've been cheated on and you break up with your spouse You get divorced Looking too far in the future Seems really daunting In those moments because everything's uncertain So for me I'm like okay how can I make this Titer and more tangible So creating a 30 day plan I literally rode out 30 boxes on a white piece of paper And I thought This is something I can do And I remember saying my confidence is at a one right now At the end of this month it's going to be at a 10 Like so I wrote down what is my goal Just like weight loss or anything else that someone's going to do Right like Where am I currently and where am I going What does that vision look like And I remember I had this life size cut out of me At my house And I'm so in this red amazing dress And I look super confident And I used to use this In case I wanted to get a meeting with somebody And they wouldn't return my phone calls I'd send them a life size cut out of me And I would always get it I'd always get a response No shit A meeting So there is a business purpose there But I pull that image out And I put it like right in my living room Because I want to see it every day This is me And a really confident moment I can bring I know what it looks like I can bring it back again Right and again That might be in your training Or in your relationship Or it doesn't matter where it is Just like Visualize what does confident look like on me That's where I'm going I'm coming for you Even though I was not anywhere near there on day one And then I started tracking What are the action steps I'm taking every day Like you have to do something You have to show up And then I started tracking This was interesting Because I didn't know this was going to happen The surprises and unknowns That started showing up That I could have like landing on the Elvis Durantio I didn't know that was going to happen And if that happened What else could happen Landing on the Gary Vee Show You know Getting Steve Harvey Writing the book All these crazy things I could have never imagined The day I got fired And that just made me more excited Gave me more momentum Which then Furthered my confidence Which then furthered me to take more action Which kept building and building from there One thing that you have mentioned Which I think is also important Is that confidence ebbs and flows Totally So I think this is also Whenever you're trying to get somebody From point A to point B I think it's super important To like give them the agency To understand that it's not always going to be an uphill Every single day If you're doing this 30 day plan or whatever Like there's going to be days where confidence tanks There's going to be days where shit is a fan There's going to be days where you say sorry to somebody Whatever it is But like don't let that derail you either No, you have to give yourself grace Knowing there's going to be pitfalls And that's just all part But but that doesn't shake us That doesn't deter us We stay focused on that goal And keep moving forward I love that Okay So now we move a little bit forward You're building out your career Your brand Now you finally write this book About this CEO CFO that fired you So So now you're trying to And I mean the The theme from the book is fire your villain Yes So Walk me through what this means What does this mean for you Why did you write this book Why did you feel even years later You wanted to Still like relive this moment Because I didn't want to feel Fearful anymore And I write about in the book Fear actually I choose to see fear as a green light That means go and go faster Right the tent now That feeling of fear You just stop me from everything And I would treat it like a child Would go home and hide And pray no one finds you Or now I reframe fear as that means Oh that's a signal how There we got to move into this faster And so Because I had struggled so much When I got fired from shame Fear uncertainty all these things I started realizing I received thousands of DMs from people Telling me they felt the same way When they got divorced When they got cheated No one day got fired When they got password for promotion That this was actually normal In many people's lives Maybe not in everyone But a lot of people felt the same way And if I could leverage my story And the tactics that I implemented In my life to help me Leap frog over those challenging moments So that other people could do the same And that's what I'm here to do What do you think allowed you When when you were fired You handled it very gracefully You were quote unquote fine I mean you built out You know you already had a little community You sort of doubled down on that But a lot of people that are fired Don't always rebound so quickly So easily What do you think the difference is Between somebody that can be fired Hit like you know rock bottom Quote unquote and still be okay Versus somebody who hits rock bottom And stays there for way too long Well listen I'm not a doctor Right so I don't know there are some people That maybe they have PTSD Like some people mentally And I don't ever want to gloss over Like no that is real Like some people get depressed Right and if that happens You need to go get help You need a doctor Some people need medication What an no shame for any of that But wherever you are You have to ask for help raise your hand And say like this isn't okay Sitting around in my house Crying every single day at You know for for more than a few days That's not okay You need to get help and get out of that I'm grateful I didn't have the I mean I was sad I was in shock for sure But there's no clinical I didn't have a clinical diagnosis Of depression or anything else So you know I was able to pick myself up I held myself accountable publicly That's reverse engineering accountability And for me that really works I did the same thing when I wanted to write my second book But I was like oh I'm being lazy Am I not getting this done I posted I've got a new book coming out I can't wait for you to read it And then I got bombarded with messages When does it come out What's the title And that forces me to say I gotta serve these people I gotta get moving Right so You need to know yourself on some level What is it gonna be That's gonna help push you over that hump For me it was putting that post up That first day Which really started the whole process And I just knew Listen I likened it to getting divorced If no one knows your divorce No one's gonna ask you out So you need to raise your hands I'm suddenly single I gotta let people know I'm divorced Getting fired is no different No one knew I was fired There was no big news announcement That went out the day that it happened I need to raise my hands I've been fired I'm ready to go to work And find other opportunities Who can help me You know make that happen So all of this is like this This trying to think of the best word for it So you're going through this process Mentally to get over this Like really traumatizing point in your life And it has to do with Putting yourself out there Creating accountability All this stuff But What Is there anything else That allows you to Get to the point where like you have Fired Your villain in your head So you're doing all these steps So what's the point where You like Close the book And you're like I fired the villain I mean gosh that's like a deep question Because the most important Well it can go on forever And the most important villain You're ever going to fire Is the one between your own two years In my opinion Like that's That's where the negative self-talk comes That's You have more thoughts in a day Than any conversation you have with anybody Like it's really down to you However I've learned it's easier to tackle that villain When I get rid of the ones that are around me Because if they're around me They're feeding the one within me And I'm never going to get out of that Do you mean like actual people Or do you mean thoughts Influences what do you mean I mean when I was working side-by-side with people That would smile at me And stab me in the back every chance I got Those were villains in my life Right And when I worked with people like that The negative inner thoughts that I had Were amplified times 100 Because they're just feeding Helping to feed and grow that negativity within my own mind Once I removed all of them for my life I created Opportunity in space for positive people to start showing up When I was around with positive people That were my champions Those negative thoughts stopped They certainly got down to a much lower level And then I was able to get clear and say Oh I need to get rid of the rest of these inside Okay that makes sense And one thing that you also do And this ties back to confidence before But it's also playing to Firing your villain How do you run these confidence campaigns You have confidence campaigns That help you again Solve for this So what does this actually mean Okay so I was in the advertising Business for 25 years media So I My job was to drive revenue That means I would go meet with You know GE and talk to them about ad campaigns To sell their newest dishwasher I'm making it up right So one of the things that I learned It became very proficient in being successful And helping people create strong ad campaigns Well you need to have a great call to action You need to have a jingle That people it's going to get into people's mind That they're not going to be able to forget you Right you need to be when you couple An audio message with a visual It's much more powerful and impactful I just used all of these steps That I have learned through creating Ad campaigns for customers And I created an ad campaign for myself I talked to you a little bit about this I was working side by side with a CFO Who didn't like me She wasn't overtly in my face She was covertly And passive aggressive Very passive aggressive Very behind the scenes very much stab in the back That made it more challenging I'm a very outgoing person So when I did confront her a couple of times Hey I feel like something's wrong You're not responding to my email It feels difficult to work with you Did I do something upset you do Can we clear the air and she smell No Allspin And so I didn't know how to fix this problem And I never thought remove yourself from this environment You're at the wrong table You're sitting with people who don't support you And aren't encouraging you They're trying to sabotage you So I stayed in an environment Where someone was sabotaging me And it was just It was eroding at my confidence And a very silent Because you feel like you're going crazy You feel like you're going crazy And you just don't feel as good about yourself Because you know why I knew somewhere down deep I needed to leave But I never pulled a trigger and I didn't do it So every day that I'd show back up at work And see some other BS that was going on I felt worse about myself And so I became a B-rate version of myself I started thinking If I dim my light a little bit Maybe to allow her to shine a little bit more And that got on my head, right? So all these horrible Dimmier lights never going to make the world a more positive place That is never the answer So I was doing all the things that I neatly knew were wrong And hopes I could impact how she felt about me You can't make someone feel Positive about you, right? But I was just in not in a good headspace at the time Cut to I decided hey Heather, this is out of control Like what are you doing? You need to change this And so that's when I had this Coming to meeting with myself I said run an ad campaign for yourself About yourself And start boosting your own confidence And so that's what I did I had my call to action It was fear as a green light that means go and go faster I created the vision Which was that life size cut out of me I married it with The I am Kendrick Lamar song Which is like I love myself Right, like I did all the same things I would do for my clients and customers I did it for me And I played it on repeat seven to ten times a day Because frequency sounds and ingrained in your mind And so I would focus on this I would own my mantras every day I am confident I am powerful I am good enough Like I went back to the basics I started writing on the bottom of my shoes I can I will like I really I put the work and the effort in To something that I don't think people necessarily think about every day Like how am I working on my confidence today I did I think many people do No, I don't think they do Because if you really get literal and focused on it You can do it Anyone can do it And I definitely did it So luckily for me I did that about a month before she fired me And thank goodness I had been working on my confidence I was a much more confident version myself When I went in when she fired me And she was Rooted and you know All smiles and laughing when she was firing me And one of the things I've learned is Never react only respond And when you're in a difficult situation You need to take your breath and pause But when you react You're allowing someone else to control you And so I wouldn't let her control me And I was able to pause And have grace And smile and say You know If you have nothing else to say to me I'll be leaving And I handled myself with a lot of confidence and grace in that moment Which I'm really proud of You know what I think So smart that you work on this actively Because I think actually with confidence Just to your point that you just made I think what a lot of people do Is they always want to be more confident Everybody wants to be more confident But they only ever test themselves When they get in the arena And in a high tension conversation Or an argument And they measure Okay well I didn't screw that one up too much And that's not my new measure of confidence But it's like The only way I can equate that to Is if you like stepped on for like an NBA All-star game and you didn't practice all season Or planning games And then like that's how you measure your performance Because you don't put yourself in situations Where you're actually trying to learn and grow And this is like not just confidence This is anything that is like a soft skill People just kind of flippantly do it Whenever they're asked to do it But they never practice doing it I love this I want to ask Because now you know as you tell me this story When we first started we're speaking about women supporting women And some of your story Really resonates with me Because I hear stories of other women executives Dealing with things I'll give you a story Obviously we'll not name names But this I want you to give advice in this situation So I have a really good friend She's very very successful Multiple exits She sold two three companies So she's thinking about going into a new president role And there's the founder of the company He has a chief strategy officer And then she'd be the president And the chief strategy officer is that passive aggressive She's been there for 15 years She's like everything you just said But she's not like explicitly being an asshole It's just like you can tell that She doesn't want the new woman in there And it's really sad Because it's like a great opportunity So what do you do? Do you walk away Because like right now we're in like the I'm not even sure if I want to do this stage That's where she's at She hasn't taken the president She hasn't taken it yet She needs to have a 101 conversation with a chief strategy officer Yeah That's the only way to deal with it But what if she is gaslighting What if she is passive aggressive Then you can't work side by side with that person Then it's up to you I would go in and have the conversation with the person first Give that person the benefit of the doubt Right Sometimes we only let maybe the person scared And jealous We don't know but maybe once this woman calls around And says hey I just want to clear the error I feel like you're not excited about me being here Have I done something to defend Is there a way you think you and I could work together and flourish together Or do you think that this is something that we can't You know, stick Stick together to work out Find let that person empty their glass Face to face one-on-one Face to face one-on-one Don't do that in front of somebody else then What that person empties their glass and they say You know what I didn't realize I was being an asshole You know what I'm intimidated by you Thank you for bringing this mic Like it could be a million different things Or it could be I don't know what you're talking about And if it if that's it Then we know that person is not going to change They are going to keep this You know this is the culture of what's acceptable And if that person's thriving and succeeding at that level That's what's accepted in that organization That is not the organization for you Yeah, no I think that's really good advice for people that are Sort of looking where they want to spend their time Which jobs they want to take on Because there's a lot of I mean there's a lot of support for people that are in shitty roles to begin with And like how do you navigate this But like I think If we just do a little bit of education Before you even take the job Like you would save a lot of stress A lot of anxiety Because this is the one thing that I try and Sort of get into people's heads As much as you wish the world was a nice place There's a lot of Really not good people out there So you can always try and find a way to Work in an organization and make it work And you hope that they're going to look at the world the same way You look at the world and they're going to be great people And they're going to be You know everybody's going to be supportive But the reality is Is that that's not every company and that's not every person So in my opinion You don't waste your time with companies that are like that As opposed to trying to like Fit like what is it the square peg into the round hole Go somewhere where you're appreciated And look for those signs too Of people that are shitty leaders Shitty but this is not just A woman leader This is just shitty leaders across the board Obviously don't fucking work there Because it's not going to be fun It's going to be uphill It's going to be pain in the ass Going to be the worst years of your life And like life is short Life is short Find an industry that's a growth industry Find people that you love That love you That want you to be there That are positive And that share values and culture with you That is key Yeah Okay So you built a community Who's in your community now Who is the person that you try and teach over to You know help What's the what's the problems that they're dealing with Oh my gosh, it's funny So you sound like Harper cons leadership They're like What is the one person And this is what's interesting is I found I don't have one person I have 60% 65% of my audience is female The rest It's almost half half Is male Harper cons hated that They're like no, just speak to just the woman Just the 40 year old date No, because then I have this This section of audience that Just graduated college And it's looking for career advice Then I have this section of audience That's 40 to 55 that just got fired That needs to reinvent themselves Where their kids just left And they need to reinvent them Like so I have these different pockets What I would say the commonality Amongst my audiences No matter where they are Their age Demographic whatever Is that they all want to get better And they're just looking for like What are some of the things that I could do to get better To get Out of this situation that's difficult Or to enter into this uncertain one That I don't know how to navigate What are some of the things that I can do to get better So they're looking to develop themselves If you had to pick one myth about confidence That you see graduated too often What would that myth be The myth is that people are afraid If they work on their confidence They're going to become arrogant There is nothing More Polar opposite than that Meaning I used to be arrogant when I was in my early 20s The reality is I was so insecure To truly be arrogant Means you are not confident at all To constantly boast about yourself To constantly be trying to yell over other people To silence everyone else That's because you're afraid to be seen as a fraud You're afraid for someone to challenge you When you truly are confident You're like Oh my gosh Thanks for pointing that out That I was wrong there I totally appreciate that It's a polar opposite When somebody comes to you And they're trying to define villains And their own life What are the things they should look for Well you already know Number one, I'll tell you all They all already know Everybody knows You just don't want to actually deal with it Right It goes back to some cost fallacy And some of these other issues You've been at this job so long And I hate to acknowledge That he actually isn't asking He's never had my back And never gives me the promotion And says he's going That's your villain then bro Like Deal with it Own it Stop making excuses for other people See people for who they are Doesn't mean they're an evil person Doesn't mean they're a villain They're a villain in your life at this point And you can't move forward And live your best life Having a villain running side by side with you Speak to me just briefly Because I think that's a really good point About the sunk cost fallacy Because I think that if people don't know what that means Or what that is And they're in a job right now And explain it all How it Let's talk about it for relationships Talk about it for jobs Talk about it for friendships What is sunk cost fallacy How do you sort of figure out When you're in this shitty situation That is going on too long You don't you shouldn't be in it anymore But you stay in it Yeah, so I mean The best example I can give is When I was back in corporate america I worked for the same company for 14 years As I mentioned I was not happy I wasn't growing I wasn't thriving I was constantly behind closed doors Complaining to people in my inner circle That He My boss keeps saying he's I'm going to be added to the board And then I'm not green lighted And I don't know why I keep being told I'm getting another bonus And I was constantly complaining About these things that were making me upset However I wasn't pulling the trigger and leaving And in my mind And this is a sunk cost fallacy piece I was thinking But I had been here for 14 years I've done it's far beyond the point That you can actually up and leave now Have they're like You've invested too much This idea that it's beyond The point where you can rip the band-aid and leave That is wrong sunk cost fallacy is not The fallacy being the key word here Actually Ripping the band-aid and leaving No matter if it's been one month or 10 years That's irrelevant Yes, the longer you stay The harder it's going to be to leave There is no doubt about that But if five years ago was the right time Today is the only time Like rip the band-aid and go And for me getting fired Ended that myth Right that you know I'd been there too long That I can't leave anymore I've created too many relationships I have too big of a job Whatever it is Whatever lie you're telling yourself But that ended up being the biggest gift Possible for me And then And we were talking about this off air Once I saw that clarity of Wow I was lying to myself That I'd been there too long That you know I had stayed past the window It was too late to leave That's when I started seeing my relationship That my personal relationship The same way It became very clear I was doing the same thing at work That I was doing in my personal relationship at home I'd been you know As too close as persons kids And it was beyond the point Where I couldn't leave anymore And that was the wrong thing to do In selfish and No, that wasn't true And once I saw that I was thriving From a business standpoint I thought you know what It's probably time to pull a trigger In my personal life too And yes, it was very hard to do And it was scary And all these other things And now here I am You know Years later I'm so grateful I did This is um It's very interesting Because this whole confidence piece There's so much self-help out there But like confidence seems to be Like the crux of it Like the most important cornerstone And building out a better life A better work life A better personal life It's like the trickle-down effect Of building out that confidence Extends to everything in your life Confidence is the one thing that changes everything That's why you speak about it I mean it really It really does There's two other Strategies that you've spoken about That I want to That I want to just outline for the audience Um The first one I want to understand Is the BAK method What is that? So that's my second book Overcome Your Villains Um The book is structured in three parts A mentor of mine years ago Said you need to distill a simple process That has Behooves you And allows you to be successful In your career and your life Like what is that magic that you do And so I sat for a long time Really thinking about it Like what is it that I do And it boiled down to my beliefs The actions that I take And the knowledge I surround myself with And so that's back And this three step process Is really what's Afforded me All the success that I've had in my life And will continue to Because it never gets old And it always pays Taking a look at first and foremost What are the beliefs that I'm holding in this moment Are they even true Like is there any basis to any of it Because typically what you're going to find out Is No, it's a complete lie And you know what we just need to stop Pause and get real with ourselves right But you know sometimes it's We're in a difficult situation Externally and so we're talking to Ourself negatively which is creating Negative beliefs So really just taking a moment to Address and assess your beliefs And rewrite the ones that aren't Benefitting you And drop the ones you know That are harm you Step two is take immediate action Once you've fixed your beliefs Even in that moment just in that day Whatever Take immediate action to move yourself forward Doesn't have to be huge Can be a baby step We've got to take some type of action To move yourself closer towards your goal Whatever that may be for yourself And then step three is Continually surround yourself with knowledge That's going to keep you centered on Positive beliefs, positive movement forward So for me lately Even on my way over to meet you today I've been listening Whenever I'm in the car I'm listening to Dr. Joe Dispens as audible books Right For me That's where I am at my life right now That I need to hear that messaging again And again like how I'm showing up Every day is impacting The decisions that I make Sometimes I forget I lose sight about it right Like and you'll get caught up in whatever Headache you're dealing with Or focus on something that you're trying to resolve And really you know Just lock in on that And what his work Reminds right now is Hang on take a step back from it And instead let's start showing up Is that best version of us When this whole thing is solved And like how do I feel and Seem then And what are the things I'm looking forward to So I Surround myself with that knowledge on the regular I've you know it's so funny I've heard so much good about him And his work Like so many of the people that teach I mean like you have Community you teach over You you you mentor a whole bunch of people But then he's like the teacher of teachers And I've never really consumed the stuff But I've heard his name so so so often Oh my there's so many teacher of teachers And that is going to continue to evolve As we just age and people age You know what I mean it's like These things just keep evolving and changing And one of It's actually a board member on the board That I'm on He was the individual that nominated me to the board He said to me Heather in any moment Someone can be the mentee or the mentor And then it can toggle and switch back And it should toggle and switch back And for someone who's really confident You're going to be fine with either role I love that The second thing that I want to bring out You have a methodology To overcome challenging situations And you say you have 100% success rate Deploying this methodology To overcome challenging situations What is this methodology Wait where did you get this one from now? This was from one of the podcasts I can't I listen to like six podcasts about you Oh my gosh I have to stop and think A methodology to overcome challenging situations I don't know I have no idea which one this could be I literally have like 400 episodes of my podcast I have to think what could it be I wonder I wonder if it was a methodology With difficult conversations It could have been I think it was actually Yeah it could have been Because I've been asked about that a lot lately Like how do you go into a difficult conversation Number one not apologizing You know for Let's stick with that Taking emotion out of it Is another key element I learned very young in business Like you know Emotion has no place in baseball or at work Like right so just drop the crying Drop the Accelerating your voice And start thinking But as how can I find peace How can I get centered And how can I not let others control me When I react I'm letting others control me I'm going to stay calm This is a great example A friend of mine gave to me yesterday She has a vendor that she's been working with And they got on a call together She's very upset about their work Right and so it's going to be a very difficult conversation She knows going in And so they end up on a Zoom call Closest thing they could do to in person They're all on there and one of the vendors Starts coming in hot Right at her and being very aggressive And very defensive And she's taking a deep breath and she said I'd like to say something I'm sitting here today As your customer Trying to communicate How I feel My experience has been this far In hopes that We can rectify things and move forward I'm not certain that Everyone around this call feels that same way I'm going to make a suggestion How about we give this call 24 or 48 hours And we regroup We're all feeling a little bit more common centered Should never raise your voice Stayed completely calm Didn't allow anyone to control her And immediately the other vendor said I think that's a great idea Right she was able to defuse a really negative So often we get in these And I can be louder And I can speak over someone Or I can be the bully And we're never going to get Full buy in from someone else Or really get the resolution That we even want If we're just looking to win And speak over somebody So I really thought that was such a great example Of finding your piece Finding your center And if you need to buy time Buy a little bit of time Because people will come back to things With emotions slow down And hopefully some better solutions Or they're going to reveal who they are And maybe they come back to that next column They're still angry and volatile You know that's not your partner I love that Thank you Even if it was not the I'm not sure which one it was Doesn't matter Yeah man Even doing this for too long You have too many It's just love the process or not Any last words of wisdom To give over to the audience To give over to the audience Yeah As I mentioned Confidence is a one thing that changes everything Set the intention Get clear on what your goals are And and realize that You know This life is about finding joy And doing good in the world And if you haven't found yours Yet like start focusing on that as well Like the more You know No fish is going to be happy Trying to climb up a tree But if a fish is put in the water The fish is going to be pretty happy Find your place in life Like whatever that may be Right You just got to kind of start saying Hey I'm I'm going to count Because that's what I've always done I don't feel joyful at work Okay let's Hit pause right now When do you feel joyful Like start finding out When is it you feel it your best And then let's figure out How you make that leap from accounting to art Or whatever it is And how you find a thriving career there You might not have the answers yet But I promise you And time you'll find it If people want to reach out to you Where do they go? Social website My website is Heather Monahan.com My show is creating confidence with Heather Monahan I'm on all social media at Heather Monahan And my two books are confidence creator And overcome your villains Amazing And last few questions close it out What would be one thing you would tell your 20 year old self Oh my gosh I love you You have so much within you You have no idea Like wait until you see What is ahead of you just go bigger Stop asking the rest of the world To make decisions for you And start asking yourself The one voice and opinion that matters Will always be your own And then what does success mean to you Success means having freedom To do the things you love With the people you love While you're taking care of yourself And doing good in the world