Lessons - The Science of Human Behavior | Dr. John Demartini - Human Behavior Expert

In this lessons episode, explore how personal values shape decisions, behavior, and long-term outcomes in life and work. Discover how to accurately identify values through actions rather than intentions, understand why misaligned values create frustration and careers and finances, and learn how values can be deliberately reshaped to support growth, wealth, and fulfillment. I guess the two the two paths that I would like to go down and step to you to choose which one you'd like to tackle first. I have sort of two main questions out of that. One would be how can you identify your values and then two would be how can you potentially change your values if they're not in line with, for example, wealth and assets that appreciate versus depreciate or potentially the career that's actually going to benefit you. So how do you identify? And then how do you change if they're not in line? Well, I was I got into, you know, aware of how significant values are many years ago. I've been teaching value applications for 43, almost 44 years. So I was probably in my early 20s when I started to realize the significance of those. But when you ask somebody what their values are, I'm guarantee you because I've done it for many thousands of times, they will tell you injected values of outer authorities. Their mothers, their fathers, their preachers, their teachers, their conventions, traditions, and marays of the social collective that they are part of the herd of will infiltrate and inculcate into their consciousness and they will tell you things that have nothing to do with what their life demonstrates. You know, they'll say peace and this and that and honesty and all these things. They don't realize anything about human behavior. So they just say what they think it's supposed to be many times even to themselves. They've not even where you ask the average person how many want to be financially independent. They'll all put their hands up, but their life doesn't demonstrate that. Only 1% or less demonstrate that. Rest I'm not dead. So I'm not interested in what people say. I'm interested in what they live and what their life demonstrates and because their perception decisions and actions are governed there. So I had to come up with the ways of determining values that went through that filter and one of the most significant one was space. Proximums. Every human being, if you give a child, even in a crib, an item, if they value it and it's intriguing to them and they value it, they will put it in their mouth, taste it, they'll play with it, look at it, they'll explore it, and they'll keep it next to them. They and you try to take it away, they'll cry or do something and they'll hold on to it because they anything that's valuable goes proximal and they keep close to them. You give a woman a diamond ring that usually stays close to them, right? And distal distance is something they push away. So if you give a child something doesn't want, it'll kick and scream and whatever and push it out. So even a child at a young age already has a set of values. In fact, values are already occurring in this I go to the very first stage of, you know, first mitotic division from the sperm and egg uniting, values already being developing in cells, but by the time we're born, we already have our set of values and we're developing them as we go and involving them. But the first thing I do is look at space, how we feel our space most, what are the three most significant most consistent items that we keep in our personal or intimate space, personal is four feet, intimate is a foot and a half around us in proxemics. And we get an idea of what we actually fill our space with. And this tells us what we value. Like I'm sure that you're probably like me a bit, you probably have a computer in front of you a lot. And my computer is where I research right, travel through zoom and teach. So my computer is probably the most significant thing if a fire was to break out and they say I couldn't take the, I was on a plane or my ship or you can't take that. I'd hide it in there and, you know, hide it with me because it's your life. It's your life. That's the closest thing to you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not that I wouldn't grab my kids first, but I would grab my kids with my computer. Yeah. But it depends if they're teenagers, you might get the computer first. Anyway, I'm joking. But space is number one. The next one is time. You make time, find time, spend time and create time for things that are really valuable to you. You'd run out of time and don't want to take time. And I don't have time right now. I can't do that on things that aren't. And the more valuable it is you make time for. I mean, if all of a sudden, you know, I'm just going to pick a name if Bill Gates or maybe Jeff Bezos or Richard Branch or somebody that's an icon in the business world, if all of a sudden they called and said I can do an interview right this minute, you'd say probably, John, I got to go. I got this opportunity. I'll call you. We'll reschedule this because you get an opportunity to grab it. Yeah. So you would make time, find time, spend time on something that's very, very valuable to you. And so I look at how you feel your space most top three things, how you spend your time most top three things. And I don't want to go and write it. You're not here to write what you wish you would be or hope it would be what it used to be. You're right down with your life demonstrates. Your life demonstrates your values. That's what's so crucial to look carefully at what you're objectively doing. If I videotape you from a hovering thing above you, looking down on you, and I watched your life, it would tell me what you're doing. And that tells me, watching that over a period of months and months and months and months, I can see what your pattern is. And I'm looking for that because that tells me what type of the third one is what energizes you. Whenever you're doing something that's high in your value, your energy goes up. And whenever you do in your mitochondria go up, their mitochondria actually spit out that energy and do fossilization and oxidation much more efficiently when you're doing something high in your values and demonstrate. And then if you go down into lower value, your energy goes down. If all of a sudden somebody said, look, I want you to go and repair your car. We know mechanics. You've got to go out and do your car. You're going to procrastinate, hesitate, frustrate doing that. And you're going to go, oh crap, you're going to fall asleep, probably. You're reticure activating systems going to shut down. But if somebody says, look, I want you to interview Jeff Bezos today. Can you do that? If you didn't get any sleep, you would rally because you automatically would get that reticure activating system going. So what energizes you and what do you always have energy for and what is it that you, when you do it, you got more energy than when you started. That's a sign of a high value. And by the way, when you do the space, time and energy, you're going to find that those patterns are the same. They're going to see the same thing repeating if you're honest. I've done it thousands and thousands of times. The fourth one is money. You find money, make money, spend money, get money for things that are valuable to you. If I said to you right now, you know, you have a $10 million in your pocket, you know, I might have to go and get that and work, you know, do something to get my $10 million. But if I said, okay, I've got a guaranteed return, a 10 to one return in 30 days. You'll find that $10 million. I'll get you 100 million. You would find a way of getting $10 million. You'd find you'd call all your friends, you'd do whatever it takes to do it. So when you really, really, really value something, you find money for it. That's what's amazing. When people say I can't afford things, it means somebody hasn't sold it to them in a way where they feel their values are being met. That's all. There's no lack of money on this planet to any human being when they really have a value on something. So how do you spend your money and where is that money going? If you look at this, there's a first machine to tell you. If it mostly goes to a house, then obviously a house and whatever that represents to you is. And then you look at what is it really represent? Just like what do you fear space with? What's its dominant use? Because if I said my computer, well, the computer's not valuable. It's what you're able to do with it. So what's the utility of it? What's the purpose of that item? And the same thing for what you spend your money on? What exactly are you doing with that money? What are you trying to accomplish with that? That tells you what the value is. The fifth one is where you most organized and ordered. You know, knowledge is organized in my mind. I have the vast amount of knowledge, you know, gathered from all the reading and watching YouTube and stuff. So that's all organized on my computer and in my head. And wherever you have the most ordered organization, that tells you what your value. And the next one is where you're most disciplined and reliable. You can rely on me to be teaching. You can rely on me to be researching and writing, but you can't rely on me to socialize at a party or or, you know, go to a social event or, you know, I do work out once a week, or do your own or do your own tech support. That's not a that's not a priority. That's that's something that, you know, you don't want to take that. I haven't cooked since I was 24. I haven't driven a car in 32 years. You know, I delegate everything that's low in my values. I even joked with my girlfriend said, look, you know, you know, I'm not that great at love making. If I was to get George Clooney or Gerard Butler or, you know, Brad Pitt or, you know, something like that. If they, if I was to get them to make love for with you on my behalf, would you still love me? Every single time my girlfriend says yes, every time. So, you know, I delegate everything. I'm joking about that. I don't know. I know, I know. But I, I don't really get it. My girlfriend's pretty hot. She's cool. I'm not going to delegate that one. I've been stingy on that one. Good. Good. But I delegate text. So, so you look at where you spend your money. You look at, where you, you're ordered it and you look at where you're most disciplined. And I'm very disciplined when it comes to research and teaching. I do it every single day. Now, the next one is what are you thinking about? What are you visualizing? And what do you internally dialoging? Frontal and Prado cortex, occipital cortex, temporal cortex? What do you visually auditarily and in the, you know, what are you thinking about visualizing and affirming inside about how you want your life that shows evidence coming true? So, I've said since I was 17, that I want to travel the world and be a great teacher on the planet and study the philosophy and the sciences and, and be, you know, leave a mark in teaching. And, and so that's my internal dialogue. That's my vision. I actually have a painting. I could show you a painting of me standing in front of a million people with every iconic building around the world and the background that a really amazing painting, five by four foot, that guy painted with a million people there, me speaking to him. So, I have a visual image of that. I've got an internal dialogue that I've got that, you know, hundreds and hundreds of internal dialogues. And I think about it daily. And so, I look at what I think and visualize and affirm every single day that is showing evidence of coming true about what I want in life. Not, not my fantasies. You know, I thought about being in an international sex symbol, but there's zero evidence of that one. So, I can't put that in. That's a zero evidence. But, but if I look at what I do have evidence of it's teaching, and then I go and then I look at the next one, what do I want to keep bringing conversations to? And I want to talk to people. What do I lead the conversation to? People come up to you and said, how's your kids? How's your business? How's your health? How's your golf game? They always want to talk about what's in their highest values. So, I look at what you want to converse most consistently with people when you can spontaneously socialize. And then I look at what it is that inspires you and brings tears to your eyes. And what's common to the people who you've been absolutely inspired to watch and interact with. And then I look at what are the most consistent goals that you have that's persistent consistent consistent that you're achieving and you're getting to come into reality. And then I look at what you spontaneously want to learn, study, read about watch on YouTube and absorb and information wise. What's the most common thing you want to learn? And if you look and answer the three answers for all those 13 questions, I guarantee a pattern will emerge and you'll sit and go, whoa, now I know what I'm really committed to, not what I fantasize about. And the degree of those inconsistency are setting real goals with real time to realistic expectations for setting unrealistic goals that are unmet that lead to frustration. So finding out what that is and summarizing that and determining the top values to me is like a starting point in mastery of life. The last point that I wanted to pull out of you is we've now established how we understand what our values are. So the follow-up is how do we change those values if we know they're not serving us? Well, there's no such thing as values that don't serve you, but what most people do is and I wonder if it's an inculcate this, you don't make mistakes in your own values. You only think you make a mistake when you compare your actions to some outer authorities values that you've subordinate it to. And you only think other people make mistake in your business when you project your values onto them and expect them to live in your values, they're not going to. Futility is a byproduct of expecting others to live in your values or you expect you to live in other people's values. That's why the mastery of hiring people is screening people according to what their values are and finding out whether the job description really matches their values because if there is, you're going to have a high engagement level and you don't need to micr manage them and you don't have to judge them because they're just going to get the job done and they're probably going to do it more effectively than you could do. But when you hire something that's not congruent with that, you're going to think they're making mistakes all the time, you're going to think they're disobedient, but that's because you're righteously projecting your values onto them and they're supposed to read your mind and expect to live in your values and nobody can. That's why the idea of a cultural value system is murky and not really well educated out there. So you want to make sure that when you're filtering and you're looking and hiring people that you basically get somebody that really is congruent with the job description and that you can do and I've got a whole science for that on how to do that. That's just amazing and a lot of companies using it. So that's one thing. Once you identify the values, then to change them now, first you find out what it is because you sometimes want to change your values when you're expecting to live in somebody else's life. NBA's ignorance and imitation of suicide is said Emerson. But if you do, let's say you're 50 years old, you've raised beautiful children, you've had a great family and anything else and you realize, oh, emptiness syndrome. Time for me to run a business or grow my wealth because oh my god, I don't have any money to save. I get involved with the kids. Take care of their college, take care of this. Live meager for the sake of my kids. Now I'm going to get Salzymer's condition and pretend like I don't know their names so I can put some focus on what I want to do. That's a joke. But if you want to change a value system, you identify the action steps that are proven to master that area. Success leaves glued. Find out the action steps that prove to get a result. And now what you take those action steps and then you stack up and you use operative conditioning from Skinner or Pavlov condition reflexes and you ask the question, how specifically is doing those actions helping me fulfill what I value most and how has it helped me spiritually, mentally, career, financial, family, social and physical so you empower all areas of your life. And if you ask that question and answer that question and don't say, I don't know, I can't find it, but answer it be accountable. You'll blow your mind. If you stack up enough advantages over the disadvantages, once the advantage is outweigh the advantages of what you're doing currently, your brain will neuroplastically remodel itself and go in that direction with stimulus responses, you'll start doing that action. But it's got to be enough where it overrides that because of heavy and rural and neurology that it basically has to, you know, the oligodendrocytes in the brain come on and myelinate all the cells and they myelinate a new pathway, it's like a blazing a new trail if you add enough benefits to it. So you go in there and stack it up until you can see a change in behavior. So you just keep doing it. I tell people 200 benefits and so the brain is completely rewired in a direction where you now stimulus and you now save your money, you now invest your money, you now doing things. And then you look at all those things that are proven to work. And I've held people that have never been able to save money or never be able to keep any money and change that. And I've seen that done in in a 200 answer response. I've seen that done as quick as a day. I've seen some people do it in less than a day, but usually about a day's work of effort. And all of a sudden they're now noticing in the mall different things and they're now taking different actions because your decisions are based on whatever you believe will give it the greatest advantage of a disadvantage at any moment in time according to what you're valuing. So you can shift the values and I can remodel the values to move in directions that you want. If you want more health or you want more wealth or you want more business savvy or whatever it may be, it can be. But I usually don't start to. I start with first identifying what the values are. So they quit living in a fantasy who they are and get grounded. They may not have to have a desire to change anything. I may just finally realize, hey, I'm pretty magnificent the way I am. I just never saw that because I've been comparing myself to others.