Lessons - The #1 Thing Great Mentors Do Differently | Scott Miller - 6x Bestselling Author

In this lessons episode, explore the real purpose of mentorship and why meaningful guidance stems from wisdom rather than authority. Discover how great mentors share failures as openly as successes, understand how clear intent and healthy boundaries strengthen learning relationships, and uncover how seeking diverse mentors across life domains reveals blind spots and accelerates growth. I'm excited to break down. Some of the things that you've learned that you transpose into this into this book mentors mentors and people always speak about mentors mentorship why it's so important. What is a mentor? Well a mentor is different things are different people sometimes it's formal like will you be my mentor will you mentor me on this six sigma process sometimes it's informal. It's someone that just you know friend it up they've friend it someone who is more accomplished wiser smarter but I think a mentor is someone who is abundant who has wisdom to share with someone else not not not. An ego to try to turn them into a mini version of you but someone who has an abundance mentality that wants to share not just their successes but their failures and messes I don't know about you but I learned more about having a successful marriage from those who are divorced. I learned more as an entrepreneur growing my business from those who've had bankruptcies than from those who made their first million by age of 30. So I think a mentor is someone who is more concerned with what is right than being right meaning what's right for you what are your strengths what are your fears what are your passions and can any of my journey mistakes and successes be helpful to you that's what a mentor is. I feel like when people look for a mentor they don't have that definition in mind I think everything you just highlighted when mentors open up when they're vulnerable when they teach over from their past failures I think that's what will actually help somebody and actually move the needle. But I feel like the average person doesn't even know what to look for when they're looking for a mentor because there's this vision of a guru that can help them in all aspects of their life and to me that's not that's not helpful that's not mentorship and that's not even what that's not even what your definition is like if you're looking for a mentor you have to find somebody potentially who's done something in one area of your life or one walk of your life. And if you find multiple people who've done different things and different areas of your life and you consume them and you learn from them that's probably the best way to leverage what a mentor is it's not a course it's not a class it could be but it doesn't have to be. And I think there's something that I want to pull out because even you know when you write a book and the book is basically 30 30 people that you've connected with through your interview and you take that insight and that knowledge and you summarize it that's a definition of mentorship that is mentorship that people can consume through the book so how does somebody figure out. Let me think how to word this how does somebody figure out how to build a relationship with a mentor is it something that you should go out and seek them is it something like you should just consume them on YouTube what is an actual beneficial definition of a mentorship look like. I don't think a mentor is someone you don't know like I don't think you know Gary V is not my mentor but I follow him and I learned from him is a podcast host that I listen to I think some people confuse that your mentor is someone who is in relationship with you it's not your therapist it's not your coach it's not this will even your cheerleader it's someone that you've identified that has perhaps pursued a path similar to the one that you want to. pursue and that you believe they aren't just smart but they're wise I think that's what's different about a mentor someone that is smart and wise that they have wisdom that they have enough confidence to demonstrate humility to not necessarily say that their path should be your path a mentor is someone that asks big questions that they're good listeners that they're able to like I said before demonstrate humility which by the way is a leadership competency humility is a mentoring. competency but someone can't mentor you unless they know you want to be mentors so I'd say formalize it but make sure you declare your intent make sure that you're not artificially trying to be mentored because you eventually want them to seed your first round of funding or you want them to open their role of decks right don't manipulate someone into thinking they are your mentor and all of a sudden you ambush them for a different reason that's just called duplicity and disingenuousness find someone that you believe you can learn from. their successes and their message declare your intent my intent is try to learn from your experience would you spend some time with me over the next six months one call a month for 30 minutes to talk to me about these particular topics and then honor that don't send them emails throughout the week don't suffocate them most mentors if they're valuable they're probably successful they're probably in demand. they don't want to be your therapist or best friend if it turns into that different story right but I think people can't help you if they don't know you need help so reach out move outside your comfort zone reach out to someone perhaps you don't even know and say hey i'm trying to launch a podcast like you. on hubspot on soundcloud on stitch or whatever you've done what i'm wanting to do could you mentor me for three or four 30 minute sessions in the hopes that I could learn from you most people I have found that are successful having abundance mindset they'll help you out as long as there's not this sort of mission creep right you're now their best friend and you're coming by their house and you're inviting yourself to their barbecues be respectful of your mentors time. and boundaries. and then when it comes to a lot of that stuff as I find our many high performing individuals who have seen success in their life they have aligned the people that have mentored them to some capacity let's talk about the benefits of having a mentor if somebody is never really sought out that they've done it on their own so to speak and they never really they never really aligned with anyone they felt like they couldn't ever trust anyone to give them that feedback how do you get somebody to take that first step and why should they if they've already figured out their life to this point. I don't know a single person that's successful that's ever figured out their life without a mentor they may not realize that they have a mentor in their life it might be a rabbi it might be a priest it might be a father law might have been their headmaster so I just I reject the premise that people have achieved any level of significant success success without some kind of mentorship it may be that they don't realize it but to your point mentorship is it can take on many forms and fashions mentors allow you to kind of look around corners they allow you to turn a disappointment into an appointment. They give you feedback on your blind spots which we all have whether it be our our lack of vision or too big bold vision of execution mentors are typically like I said before wise people that just ask big open into questions so if you were to do that what's the consequence what's the upside what's the downside if you were to say that or launch that. Tell me about your board of directors tell me about the people who are mentoring you in life what what are you so I think mentorships mentorship isn't really about teaching lessons from your journey it's about having your mentee know what questions to ask uncover unfold help them to understand their identity what is their passion what is their mission how can they turn their fears into their strengths. I think a great mentor someone who listens more than they talk. And so for me mentorship is a requisite for a successful life is surrounding yourself people who by the way they may not always be older than you might be younger I have I have several people mentoring me on how to get on clubhouse and how to leverage tick talk and how to do you know different types of platforms to help launch my my books and products they're mentoring me and I'm not afraid to say I've got mentors that are half my age they're helping me become more relevant in a post covid world right and so mentorship I think can be different people different things it kind of is what's right for you at the moment in your life. And if somebody wants to go find a mentor you mentioned a few things would be very specific and intentional watch the creep of the relationship don't try and get a mentor to have ulterior motives and to help them invest in your in your company but if you do want to find a mentor what are the right ways of going about it. Well I think there's probably many right right ways one is you can make a list of your entire network might be eight people might be 800 people and you might call up some of the most accomplished people when I say accomplished it might mean that they had the most bankruptcies because the people that have had the most failures probably have the deepest lessons to teach and say hey Scott. I notice that you've launched three businesses I'm trying to you know do some crowd sourcing or crowdfunding over here who do you know that could give me some wisdom on this anybody you know that you'd be willing to build a bridge to your mentor may not be in your network it might be your attorneys accountant it might be your ex girlfriends brother it might be someone that you don't even know so I would say the first step would be to look at your own network. And find trustworthy wise people who might be able to bridge build a bridge of someone they know if that isn't the case you might just reach out to someone I mean I don't care how big of a celebrity you are you're still checking your Facebook feed at 839 and bed I don't care how successful you are you still have an email account you still have an Instagram and you're still looking at it in the evening time when you need to break from your kids because you're you've worked 14 hours today so I'm a big proponent of just putting yourself out there and asking most of my success has come. Because I was willing to I was willing to ask I was willing to pick up the phone and call Matthew McConaughey and say Matthew love to interview you sometimes they say no sometimes they say yes and Matthew leads you to Will Smith and Will Smith leads you to Mark Manson Mark Manson leads you to you get the point right and so there's many ways to find a mentor and you'll know pretty quickly but it's the right fit for you. I think what goes wrong in mentorship is when you start to treat the mentor as your friend or as your bank or as your coach or your therapist mentors are there to help impart any knowledge any wisdom that they've gleaned from their journey that can be replicated in your journey. I think also mentorship goes wrong when the mentor feels like their job is to like I said before it kind of turn you into them mentorship is not trying to have someone follow your path it's about helping them clarify and uncover their path. So when you when you have someone that is helping you clarify and uncover your path that's that's when you know you're in a positive mental relationship when it's not extending beyond that. Right now I would also just ask how do you know when a mentor so how would you I guess you sort of answered how you know when a mentorship isn't working out but even just jumping into something what are some red flags right off the bat when you are looking for mentors because you're right there's a lot of there's a lot of opportunity at there you make somebody a successful is there things that you should stay away from or be wary of when you're trying to find someone to help you. Well, I think it's self awareness knowing what it's like to coach you knowing what it's like to be on a zoom call with you so some of it first is self awareness to know what type of person would be best to match your personality. I think also is scope creep you know you don't want to call up Sylvester Salone and ask him if he'll mentor you for a year and a half on how to become you know a boxer I don't watch his movies I think he was a boxer is that what Rocky was I think was boxing. I'm sorry I'm sorry not a boxing fan forgive me to your millions of boxing listeners but I mean that's overwhelming right slice loans like a you know mentor you for a year and a half but you might say hey could I have a half an hour of your time and the mentor might fall in love with you and she or he might say hey you know if you have more questions give me a call. So I think incremental it's like dating you're going to know in the first date whether or not you want to invite you know this person back or they want to invite you back be transparent be open. I think be realistic is I'm trying to develop this skill right I'm trying to do this particular thing and I have identified that you may have some expertise in this. Would you be willing to coach me and I would be very specific in a couple of 30 minute sessions you know if it goes well and you have high EQ you can read into the third session whether or not it's appropriate to ask them to extend it or not and I also think it's gracious to break it off. So after the second call you find that that person's expertise isn't what you thought or they're not as invested you can simply thank them for their time. Hey can I tell you Scott I have so appreciate your investment in me I'm going to actually release you from any further commitments I'm going to go out and execute on the things that you've taught me already and would you be willing if I needed some more time to ever give it to me. And then they feel validated and you feel like you're able to break it off I think many of those techniques could work for different types of people.