Lessons - Overcoming Self-Doubt | Jim Jordan - Celebrity Photographer

But how do you deal with that self-doubt? How do you push yourself to make the decision, is it because you had the right people in your life, the right mentors, or was it intrinsically coming from inside internal that even though you were saying you couldn't do it, you still took that step forward. How did you sort of keep going? Well, like being in fear that kept me in fear for so many years, being something that I really wasn't happy doing when I had a drain, like I knew there was no way more to me. And I feel like it was a lot of things. I feel like a lot of the people that kind of pulled me out of my box were like angels, like sent from God, you know, way to look back at it now. And I believe I was a lot of work that I do that I did and that I'm constantly doing to keep myself present and to be able to recognize those voices that are coming in all the time, to recognize who's voices is, and to realize and now recognize the truth, and the truth of who I am and why I'm here, and then I can do all things that are trying to keep me or make me afraid. I realize those voices are, it's like an arrow of which way I need to go. So some say, you can't, I'm going and running toward that. And I journal every day, I started doing a book called The Artist's Way, and it's a 12-week workbook that changed my life back then when I started became a photographer, I embarked on this 12-week journey called The Artist's Way, and I recommend it for every creative, people that have lost their creative gifts until what they are or how to recover them or discover them. I recommend this workbook for everybody I know to change my life. And part of doing that work the third week, the first third week, I did that work, I became a fashion photographer. And part of the exercise you do every day is you journal, three pages, full pages every morning. And I started journaling these things that came out of me on my journal that I didn't know when I would reread it, I would say to myself, who is that writing? Like it was such a disconnect of how I thought, but then when I wrote something on a journal like my heart, and I would read this stuff and fall my eyes out, like who is that? And I started to journal every day, and the third week of me journaling, I met Emily, gave me that job, and the second week I met Renee and got that job, the third week I was shooting for both, and I just kept journaling and journaling and journaling. So people that say they meditate every day, they don't stop meditating. I believe that my journaling changed my life, and every day I was in fear and right about my feet, and I keep writing about it and every day I got sick of writing about how scary I am, why does I just have to do it, and then I want to have to write about it. So I did a lot of things to kind of push me out of it. And then I would start saying, you know what, it's more afraid that I won't do it in my life than doing it. What's more painful, not doing it, and watching it pass you by or trying it and seeing what being afraid there too. And I always realized by me just doing it and sick of writing about it, I'm just afraid of writing all the excuses that I made for myself writing to. So I'm a big advocate about running toward fear and running through the fire because your miracle and your miracles are there on the outside waiting for you. That's powerful. And that's how I've lived my life and I try to share that with everybody I know. Now, sorry, go ahead, no, no, go ahead. I just, I feel like I'm still evolving and I want to help people, you know, when I, when I became a photographer, it was kind of all about how much, how high to climb this ladder. And I started getting these things that were miracles to me. And there's an opportunity in the people that I've been able to be around, the influence that I have had. And I had a lot of, you know, life changing experience in my life, like really life changing. And I started shooting and I've been shooting probably like for 10 years. And I was getting everything I ever wanted in my life. And I had a ton of access to finances and houses and money and celebrities and the who's who and being in the end crowd. And I just started realizing, you know, like all this stuff is like empty. And everything I desired in my life, like I would attain it, like the world would say, oh, that's so cool. You have the coolest job. But somehow I always felt like really sad and empty inside, no matter how much I thought, how many big jobs and big movie stars I'd get to shoot. It was cool, and I felt great, I was thankful, but that happiness never lasts. So I started having like these, you know, questions. And I had like, I don't know how to say it, but I had like a breakthrough, like like a like a breakthrough or a breakdown or a coming to you with the end of myself. Yeah, and Piphany, Piphany, Piphany, that this wasn't all about me anymore. And I ended up in the hospital. And I was like on my deck that they didn't know what was wrong with me. And they said, your kidneys were failing. And they basically gave me four hours to live. And they called in the, you know, the the pastor to get me my last rights and my whole family was there. And I was laying on my deathbed, not even able to move. And I had a supernatural miracle happen in the hospital. And I was miracly healed. And I sat up with this like miracle that happened. And it's a whole long story. And my life changed. And I came out of the hospital completely healed two days later. And I made a big, I had a big life changing a mom in my life. And I said, this isn't about me. It's not how rich it's not how famous. It's not how many celebrities I could shoot. It's not how the trips and jobs and all these things that bring me temporary happiness. Like my job now is to help other people. My job now was to to give the gifts and the talents and the experiences of the past to give it to other people and a whole other people's hands. And she should help them navigate the jungle. And I was like, have this, you know, I started having dreams at night and sounds crazy. And I was having dreams at night, like literally, and I was being spoken to and I was being told to do things. And I had wake up out of these dreams and I grabbed my journal and I'd start writing these things in this journey. And one of the dreams I was having it was at night. It was, it was me being shown that I was out on a battlefield. And there were nurses running into the fire to help hurting people that dying soldiers. And then we're lifting them up, carrying them out of harm's way. And I heard these specific directions that I was going to have a company and it was going to be called White Cross. It was going to be based on the light helping hurting people. And then it was going to be a production company. And I was going to have a production where I was to help young kids. And I was that I was being told that I was perfectly placed exactly where I was meant to be. And that my mission field wasn't in Haiti or Africa or all these other places that might get the hurting in the sick and the thaw. And we're right here in the entertainment business right where I was positioned. And so I started paying attention to it and listen, like, well, maybe there's something for you here. So I went out and I went back to my roots on finding models. Because along my journey, I would find a model along my journey and just say, Hey, let me take some pictures. Go meet this agency. Bye. Good luck. And I turn them loose. And I'd run into these models like three, four years later. And they were like, I'm not modeling it. I'm like, who are you with in Paris? Who are you with in London? Did you do bachelor? They're like, no, we just stayed in LA and no one ever copied agents all along. And I'm like, dear, you should have had a start. And so I went out and I started finding models again. And I still put my company white cross productions. I got incorporated. I got an LLC, got a trademark of the name and that white cross management talent management company. And I got this company did the logos and opened the website. And I went to started had some models that I discovered that I was like, I'm not going to just give them away. I want to hold their hands and I want to carry them. And I'm going to not give them to these agents that are going to just do whatever they want. I'm going to hold them and be a foundation for them. And they're going to have to top of me and get through me because I knew a lot about the business instead of just put these young kids around. So I opened the company. I started filling my roster for talent. I was in Rambi, Colorado and a barn shooting a job for me. And I locked up in this 14-year-old girl and I said, hi, what's your name? She's looking at me like, hi, I'm not a bitch. Her name is Taylor Hill. And I go, hey, Taylor is your mom here. Yeah, she's out there. I went out and I talked to my mother. She was a year daughter. Daughter is a star. Who are you? I'm like, I'm just enjoying the fashion with her wherever I have a talent management company. And I managed to have a young talent. Long story short, I started finding girls and discovering and basically hand holding these kids and taking pictures of them and grooming them and placing them with agents all over the world. And this girl, Taylor Hill is now the biggest model in the world. And I started her when she was 14 years old. Her and her mom lived with me in my house here. And I started grooming, putting agents all around the world. I have this formula where I would do that with every model I found. And that's how White Cross came about. And my management company and started finding talent. I discovered Gigi Hadid. And I had worked with her mom, Mielanda, for many years, which she was modeling. And I placed Gigi with agents all over the world. I helped Mielanda. They called her meetings in New York. And I found the Hot Fallen Jeremy Meeks, the prisoner, who has moved shot when viral. And I went and took him out of jail, moved him into my house, and rehabilitated them, moved them and placed agents all over the world and did kind of those type of things. So my company as a fashion driver, I mean, how am I going to all kind of go inside of each other? And so I spent my life, you know, everything I'm doing now is to help people and really keep an eye on people that I'm finding new talent every day. And I'm keeping my photography and I'm learning still and making mistakes. And just trying to keep my mind open and keep opportunities that keep coming, you know. How, how was, how, what were some of the struggles that you found when you transitioned to this new stage in your life where you built out a business started really aiding in the careers of all these young individuals that obviously didn't have the proper representation? Were there any things that you that you had to because you spoke about all the struggles that you had sort of going through your photography able from from hair and makeup to photography and sort of that career path? But what about the more recent things that you that you've understood or that you've had to learn? One of the biggest lessons that I had to learn is, you know, becoming a businessman and learning, you know, when I first started, all I was was creative. I didn't care about the money and I didn't care about the the database and keeping business cards and phone numbers or I didn't even know what I was getting paid if I was getting paid or not getting paid. I was the biggest reckless. I was just out shooting big jobs. I didn't know and I found that years later that my agent had been stealing from me and taking a lot of money from just kind of woke up to and I realized at that time when I confronted them that they were producing all my jobs and I realized my agent makes me work on a day that I'm even making as the photographer of their sweating doing it all. And so I started realizing how much money they were really making. They weren't just my photo wrap. They were producing all my jobs. They were hiring the motorhomes and the caterers and the studios and prop stylists and all of these saying and they would hire a makeup artist. The budget would be $1,900 for the makeup and hair and she would only give the hair makeup $500. So she's making $1,000 in her pocket off of my job and that went down with the motorhome looking for give the motorhome driver $500 and she'd make $1,000 a day on one. So she'd make $500. So every day I'd go to work. I started realizing she was making my $20,000 a day and I'd go to work and be making half of it. And then not to mention she wasn't paying me stealing from me. So I had a life take this big bold to stand even though I never was a business guy and I confronted her and I said, look, you're party's over. If you want to work with me, I'm going to produce all my own jobs and I'm going to do my own building and I'll give you my $20% and at that time, clients started calling me and they're like, hey, we call your agency and your agency now is telling us you're not available that you're booked. There's one of my big clients for Brooks Brothers and so I'm like, when did you want to book me and I find out that I was available? So she wasn't giving me those jobs because she'd give it to another photographer where she could produce those jobs. So I started learning business like, well, this is not. And how unfortunately, how shitty some people are, which is not, yeah. And so I ended up really stepping in and opening my company for my production and I had a business manager that's consulting, holding my hand because I was opening another business of cosmetic companies. And she started saying to me and I said, I let my agent. She said, why did you do that? That was stupid. This is what's funding your cosmetic company. And I'm like, I don't care. I'd rather have nothing than be stolen for a library, please. She was, well, why didn't you take the money and open your company and start hiring two new assistants and teaching how to be agents? So I hired two full-time administrative assistants. I taught them how to use my database. I taught them I gave them the client list and I said to each one of that, I want you to make 50 introduction calls every single day on the phone. Here are the art directors, here's our phone numbers, here's our address. So each one at a task, every day to call 50, leave a message or send a mail in from a promotional piece with a stamp and a logo every day they put them in the mail. Within three months, I was booked every day. And they were producing their own jobs. I taught them all how to be producers. So they booked a client and they hired the model with the location permits. And I started thinking to myself, this is insane. How much more money I was making as a production company? I had control over my whole shoot now. Everybody on set was like something that I saw. It wasn't because she was ripping everyone off and everyone was unhappy. Even the client, when I get the work, they are already pissing me. I didn't even know them. So I started getting a grip of life really had to have a vision not just for what I saw, but the experience I was having on set. And then my production company became a full swing. It was really a real production company at that time. And so to answer your question, like the challenge was like how to really step in and own but becoming a businessman and taking my creative hat off and putting it aside and really step in and take the responsibility for a big businessman.