Kelly Siegel - CEO of NTM & Author of Harder Than Life | He Grew Up on 8 Mile Road and Built an Empire From Nothing

So my entire upbringing tell us 16 years old I was scared to death. That's why I'm fearless now. It took me years to overcome that. This is how I did an EMDR therapy. To make me harder than life because life was gonna be hard. What if the life you were born into was never meant to define you. Kelly Siegel grew up surrounded by abuse, addiction, and chaos. But instead of becoming a product of that environment, he made a decision to break the cycle. One of the best business advice I can give anybody. The harder thing, no. Knowing exactly who isn't for you. They find time for Netflix and chill. They find time for scrolling. They find time to drink with their bodies, but you can't find time to go do what makes your money or improve yourself. Make an investment on yourself as the best freaking investment you'll ever make. Building a multi-million-dollar tech company as CEO of National Technology Management from battling his own demons to writing harder than life. A raw story of overcoming poverty, addiction, and violence. There has never been a more opportunistic time than right now. With AI and social media, anybody can be anything they want now. Just do forced hard things. There is no shortcut. You have to do the work. The truth hurts once a lie hurts forever. The world could be anything you wanted to be in this world. You just have to freaking help people and help yourself and work on yourself. Talk to me about growing up near eight miles into Troy. It's a great story because I'm still coming up. People know me as the non-drinking bodybuilding fitness guy that's obnoxious and crazy, but I haven't always been that guy. It's the struggle. It's the backstory. It's the hallmark special of growing up, you know, and violence and poverty and abuse. The beauty part about healing and doing the work on yourself is I can look you right there and not have a single feeling about this. It used to be your heart would be bait meeting. You'd be triggered. I would feel like I'm bragging. But, you know, this is this is the heart of the work. And a lot of us haven't addressed that subconscious, that childhood trauma, whether it be big tea like mine or little tea like other people. So I grew up, both parents, alcoholics, both parents, just bad news. Mother, stepfather abusive. Stepfather was a big dude who used to beat on me all the time. My mom almost killed me. My stepdad almost drowned me. And it was just, it was the worst you can think it happened every day. So my entire upbringing tell was 16 years old. I was scared enough. Scott, I've used all my fear up. That's why I'm fearless now. I don't, I was scared. My mother had a stalker. I ended up putting him in the hospital. This went on for years. It was, it was crazy chaos. And every single day they were out drinking. There was no food in the house. So to this day, if I get hungry, I do get treasures. So if I remember, you'll see me with with protein bars and what, but I've done a tremendous amount of work. But what I didn't do is I drank the poison and expected them to die for years. And until I looked myself in the eye and said, this is you, it's your responsibility to live your life. Nothing keep me in the victim and keep pointing the finger at my mother and my stepfather for and, and say, whoa is me. Cat me playing small. And it wasn't until the pandemic that I said, this is crazy. And I started doing videos. Yeah, the pandemic is only years ago. This is when you were 16. You know, it, from 16 until 43, I crouched with alcohol. Alcohol, women, and partying and, and, and, and perceived success financially. You were still building the company. I mean, tons of money, but blew it every dollar, trying to be, trying to look successful. I was successful when we made a lot of money. But I've just hated the person in the mirror. It was, there was no fulfillment. There was nothing. It was just, every day you were on that hamster wheel and I called it the Mary go round and you just go round and round and round until you puke. And I got there. And it was at a point when I was 43. And I just said the same working for me. And I just cold turkey quit drinking and said, I'm declaring war on myself. And I was in Key West Florida, partying on the beach. And I said, I'm done. Took a scratch, set it down, walked away, haven't touched this is. But why was drinking such a because at that moment, you were, you were successful. I put that in my care post. You're financially successful. A lot of people would have not felt they needed to radically change their life at that point. From 16 to what was a 43, 43. So obviously, this is the way that you've lived your life. Probably a lot of traumas that you just sort of push down with substance and on work to works. One of the things that probably sort of helped you escape those traumas. So what at 43 made you think, even though I'm by everyone else's definition successful, now I got to stop drinking. And now I got to get rid of all the vices. Yeah, this is a good way. So it was a love story. I kept meeting the people who weren't for me. I kept meeting my mother. But now that I'm completely healed, I'm still working going to the next level. You got to keep growing. So I realized I was meeting my mother, someone who was emotionally unavailable when the sliding sliding stuff got tough. They'd get running. So I'd avoid I'm dated avoidant attachment. If you go to the analogy of attachment styles, avoidant attachments, I was anxious attachment. It's the worst one in the world. It's the push pole, push pole, push pole. And you get love bombing. And I just looked and said, Hey, this is crazy. The only constant. There's five women in a row. I dated who were avoidance. And I said, the only thing I'm doing is I'm creating this exact environment. So I like to use the fisherman analogy. You throw a freaking you're you're you're you're cash to ride and you troll, you're going to get little fish. But if you take and you're in your patient, you'll get big fish. And what I was doing was was hitting from the bottom of the barrel and going after women with daddy daughter issues and just looking for love in all the wrong places. And I got sick and tired of it. My heart was broken. And I said, I don't want to be with these type of women anymore. And this is where we were talking before you hit recorder. You didn't record. And you can buy mimic merge them in. But we don't tend to we we tend to look out the window and not in the mirror. And I look square in the mirror and said, it's over. It's done. I'm done doing this. I'm done doing the same thing. And the one constant when I broke it down was drugs and alcohol, but it was where alcohol that anything else. And it was so commonplace growing up a female. If you watch the movie and M&M made famous, it's like that trailer parks. You get your camaraderie from your brothers, your boys. And we're doing bad things. I wrote in my first book, Heart of the Life, that most of my friends in high school are dad or in jail. It's not a way. I don't know how I escaped it. I tease and I say I'm the chosen one because somebody was always looking out for me when the going guy. We were in terrible barfights. I got scars to prove being stabbed and punched and run over and shot at. And I kept missing me Scott. So I'm like, there's got to be a reason. There's a reason. And now I'm seeing it as the brand is blowing up as we're coaching more and more people. And as we're making an impact, I said it a million times. And once you take take significance, successful never tastes the same. And everybody me. I'm a poor kid who was abused is making it in this world. Anybody can. And I can show people the blueprint, which got to be willing to do the work. And there's no excuses. I coach some people that they have an excuse for every single firm solution. They have a problem for every single solution. And those don't work well with me because I got a solution for everything. And I won't stop until I get what I came for. You're one of the most like uplifting motivational just like feel good people that I know all the time. And I think that that's that's something coming, especially from where you came from. Coming from like that much trauma and abuse and stress and to be the complete 180 of that. Well, you know why we resonate? It's the same thing. It's because I emanate it from my heart. It's I'm coming from my heart and you're good people. And that's why we align. And you feel like attracts like and that's where I kept getting into trouble was I was a drunk at horror, kept meeting drunk and horse. A lot of people that were coaching are guys who are successful. And it's funny. They're looking for love. And I have women that are reaching out to us that are looking for love and they're looking for a love in all around places. I can help you do that. That's easy. The business stuff is it comes to me second nature. It's like I was programmed in business. I started I started selling candy door to door. I sold newspaper prescription or subscriptions door to door. I had a paper out. I had to lie and say I was older to get a paper out so I could make money so I could feed myself. There ain't nothing like freaking being a good and becoming good in sales. So you can eat because you have to. Well, I was going to ask, I mean before you quit alcohol and you sort of realize that financial success wasn't the only thing that was important. You overcame traumas that allowed you to be successful in business. So what did you do to overcome traumas from early childhood allowed you to be successful in business. But you didn't heal all of it. You didn't go all the way there because there was other parts of your life that were lacking. But I think a lot of people can still learn from that sort of first version of Kelly that just succeeded financially. That's an important stepping stone. You do have to find a way to make money and be successful. And if you do come from no role models and no mentorship and shitty circumstances, what allowed you to still make money in spite of all that? Well, all the podcasts I've been on and all the interviews I've been on, nobody's asked me that question. And that's the first time and I just started smirking because I realized why and it's the easiest answer. And this is why people struggle right now. I outworked everybody else. That's it. I didn't. I used to say I was a dumb hillbilly and I believed it. So it's part of me that believed that but I don't work you and you can't you would not I would not give up. But I made it pretty simple. I studied sales and I studied people. I started the art of the deal and how things are made and I just kept teaching myself when they said this. I said this and this is the reaction and I would break down every single deal and where it went wrong and I got better and better and better. And then we talked about it off camera. I measured everything. So I measured how many calls I made to make to get the appointment. How many freaking appointments did I have to get in to get to get the sale? How many proposals I sent out to get the sale? And I just it became a game to me. And then I realized as I tweaked my message and the more I listened, God gave you two years and one mile for a reason, I was able to to create those ratios to be crazy. Our peak were 75% close ratio. And here's a that's a lot for anybody listening. That's an insane close. We were selling tech. Yeah. So we're selling invisible tech, which is hard selling you visible hard. And what I would do is part of that and this is and this is the one of the best business advice I can give anybody. It's saying the art of thing, no, getting to know, no, is the best thing. Knowing exactly who isn't for you. So in our coaching program, I know people that that have not gotten a certain level of success are no good, they're no good play. I can't help them. And you just made put you help me connect the dots there because you said the one thing that I was in control of was working hard. And when people in heaven got successful, have it worked hard. And that sounds harsh, but we could all work harder. I think about it now I could still work harder. But when if you haven't reached a level of success where you don't really have to worry about money, you've used a hundred thousand dollars, work harder. That's the easiest thing. They find time for Netflix and chill. They find time for scrolling. They find time to drink and drink with their bodies, but you can't find time to go do what makes you money or improve yourself. Make an investment on yourself because it's the best freaking investment you'll ever make and it'll it'll pay you back 10x. My favorite idea is the 10-year rule. Just commit to it in your head for 10 years and you'll find a way to be successful. And I challenge anybody who anyone they look up to, I don't care if it's a Gary Vee or a Grant Cardone or an Ed Mylet or somebody who's like a thought leader or just somebody who has the nicest house on your street. Go ask them how long they've been doing the thing they've been doing. I remember this idea came from in Toronto. I'm Canadian. I don't know if you knew that maybe I told you. So in Toronto, there was two guys. I had like huge, huge, huge homes like like estates homes like and I and I asked them we had a networking event and I knew where they lived and one of the guys did paper. He manufactured paper and another guy manufactured glass for new homes and they've been doing it for like 30 years right and more money, more money than God like really more money than God. These houses were insane and it was really just like just do boring businesses for long enough and you'll figure out how to make a shit ton of money at it. Even a podcast you want to be successful here. I'll make it prove your point. So I was never I never wanted to be a coach. I just wanted to be a podcast get the message out there and the keep people keep reaching out to me and it just it just the God will guide you the way and and I will tell you that that I'm sure Dan Martell said this and he was sitting here. I'm going to tell you this and I guarantee you said the same thing. There has never been a more opportunistic time than right now. The field of the playing field is level with AI and social media. Anybody can be anything they want now. It's just going to it's going to be the people that take action and the people that don't and I remember I always make a joke. There's people that make things happen. There's people that wonder what happened. Which side are you going to be on and just take messy action day in and day out and measure it and get better and better and better and don't stop until you get what you came for or something greater and believe me the universe will provide. I'll use the love story. I now have been in a loving reciprocating of a safe relationship where we're both committed for over a year now. Funny how when you do the work it works. The way you approach life is to be like harder than life and I think that that's something that people will think okay that makes sense for business. Maybe that makes perfect sense for business that makes perfect sense for health fitness. Yeah I get it but they don't think okay so how do I be harder than life and commit more than expected in relationships in mental health in education in spiritual health like I think that harder like harder than life to me applies in everything. If it's hard what do they say hard times make hard people make good times for make easy people and make easy times and it's like oh shit. So what happened? So you just nailed the mantra you're reading me like a book and it's great. So I'm trying to go to the next level where we want to become the number one podcaster in self improvement. We want to have a big map. We want to have a thousand people on our membership group because we're going to donate it all a charity. We're working on book number two and so the hard was just getting started and do the hard work dang it out. It's how it came with harder than life is the name of the first book. Well now my habits and rituals are so easy to me that I was struggling like am I still supposed to be this hard tough guy. So the new book is going to be called happier than life because when you do the hard work for a long period of time technically we're coming up on six years of the sobriety of all the changes of the of the really declaring war on myself. So six years and I'm struggling. I'm in that struggle. I'm in that dynamic where I'm I've achieved success in the space and I keep going up levels and I've got an undue remember you said create space. I got an undue who I was. Everything that I came to come to up until very recently I expected it to be hard. Well law law the law of attraction says whatever you put out there karma claw you're going to get back. So I'm wondering why everything was so I was getting so much resistance. Why go wake up everyone. The harder it is. So now I create space and I wake up in the morning and I go life works out for me and it's all going to be smooth and everything's going to work out and I'm happy. And what do you know. Happy things coming. So the harder the life is always going to be the brand and the harder life is because they got to do the work. So I would say harder life is doing the work and want you to do the work to become happy. Yeah. And then book number three is going to be healthier than life where we're really going to talk about the mindset and the physicalness. What's the most important thought or idea that somebody has to understand that they can be the one in their family. I'm going to turn it around on you. What do you think? I know what it is. But I want to what do you think? I would say for me first it starts with the belief that I'm able to do it. That's the belief. And then once you have the belief then it's almost selfish if you don't. I'm just going to say the belief. It's always that limiting belief that what we're going to realize is there is no ceiling. I am a poor kid from AIMO who starved. You're about as rock bottom is rock bottom can get when you're a kid. Oh man. I mean literally the stories you read my first freaking book and it talks about I had to empty a jar of urine of my stepfathers because he was a drunk and he was afraid of my mother. I watched my mother stab my stepfather and the whole police comes she lit the house on fire. I mean dude it was straight up gangster crazy wild stuff. And to follow up we start the second book happier in life we talk about that like calm was real. My mother's alone my stepfather is dying in a hospice with his leg amputated because he never took care of himself. These people live the horrible existence horrible. I caught him off years ago but then I had to go through therapy. This is not overnight man. I did a hit in the therapy EMDR therapy plant medicine talk therapy until one day it finally clinked in that man I'm here for a reason and I'm going to make a big thing. So yeah they didn't they're going to die alone and the exact way that they deserve. And my sister bless her heart I dedicate my first book to her is they she saved my life one day my birthday my mom was beating the hell I mean it was gonna kill me she was so drunk she had no cool how bad she was beating me and my sister had already left the home and she stayed over to just come be with my birthday this is the first year that she was gone and she punches my mother in the face grabs my lifeless body yanks me out slams a door in her face locks it and then gives me her social workers number and says you've got to get out of this house she's going to kill you and yeah I I the one day of school I missed that year was the next day of school because she'd gouge my eye out so about it couldn't go to school it was it that was a hard lesson to get and I'm saying this for anybody feel bad your eyes are fricking like oh my god I say this because I want people to understand how hard it was now it took me years to overcome that why would your mom punch you in the face you know why this is how I did an EMDR therapy to make me harder than life because life was gonna be hard now when things happen they ain't nothing like it punch in the face when you're nine years old by your mother like smack in the face broke my nose so when things get hard you don't get the knowledge you don't get the likes you don't get the deal that you were working on the girl doesn't like you the guy doesn't like you it's not like it and punch in the face by your mother now is it and it's all perspective bro people would trade you straight up for your problems right now straight up there's somebody out there that has a struggle to eat and I just got dropped off by a frickin driver yeah you know this world this world is a great place man especially if you're here in the United States this is the land of the free this is opportunistic us fighting right and left it's crazy you know we are all one we realize that we come together there's nothing this country can't do I agree but the noise is so loud all the all the angry noise from social media but not just that that the political noise the social media noise is loud but the noise from what our parents want us to be what our friends want us to be what our spouse wants us to be you're really good at shutting out noise and focusing on and I'm sure that it's a bit from all the therapy and all the life lessons well you think that's how I survived yeah I know but then how you're like therapy you're giving me I didn't even realize what some of the things are because that's how I survived shutting out the crazy I see that wow I mean I mean how does someone else do so it's it's one thing to go through the life that you went through and go through you know years and probably tens of thousands of dollars of therapy at a minimum of no doubt that shit is not cheap but you never want to you never want to wish what you went through on anyone else so how do they in their own way shut out the noise and sort of what's the best way to say it understand how trivial their problems are when they never went through the shit that you went through the easiest thing in the world is to just do forced hard things forced hard things so whatever you're afraid whatever scares you to do it do it yeah you know that's that's it and you will build and then you don't negotiate with yourself like if you say so I always that's why most of my my program I start off with people getting into the fitness so if you can hold the line with your fitness if you can go to the gym five days a week no excuses it's it's it's it's the keeping you word you make yourself if you keep your word you make yourself you're going to keep it to everybody else and then that translates in the business so do the dang thing that scares you ask the girl out ask the guy out ask for a race go do the thing that the soundtrack in your mind is saying if you do this and would you say that you got to believe it so if you whatever your your your mind is telling you that you can't do go do it quick question what's your go to when you got 10 minutes before a meeting or a workout for me it just used to be whatever I could grab which usually meant skipping meals entirely or just grabbing something that left me crashing an hour later because it was just full of garbage that's why I'm partnering with Hule this black edition ready to drink is a complete meal so it has 35 grams of protein six grams of fiber 35 essential vitamins and minerals it is no sugar added gluten free under five bucks I always keep a few of these in my fridge and honestly it's solved the whole back-to-back meetings go go go non-stop no time to eat problem super well and this one's new for me it's Hule's daily greens I had the blueberry this morning honestly first impression it was way better than I expected it's developed by registered nutritionists and dieticians there are 42 vitamins minerals and superfoods only 25 calories four grams of fiber and just one gram of sugar I throw one back 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guess it knows it can automate routine tasks it can deliver actionable insights and it can help you cut costs and make fast decisions with confidence and now with the net suite AI connector you can use the AI of your choice to connect to your actual business data and ask every question you've ever had this isn't just another bolted on tool it's AI built into the system that actually runs your business so whether your company earns millions or hundreds of millions net suite helps you stay ahead if I needed something like this for my business I'd use net suite then you should too so if your revenues are at least in the seven figures get our free business guide demystifying AI at net suite dot com slash Scott clary the guide is free to you at net suite dot com slash Scott clary net suite dot com slash Scott clary let's talk about drinking let's talk about sobriety so you at 43 you wanted to become sober because you wanted to have better relationships you know look for fulfillment of meaning outside of just money and work what else do you discover when you want fully sober well first of all I didn't plan on being living a sober life I was taking a break from alcohol for 90 days which is not a bad idea I just said you know what I'm gonna take a 90 day break and then 90 days turned into six months and then on the day 93 I gave myself permission to drink and it was happened to be forced July which is a big party time for everywhere and it's my favorite holiday because you go on the boat and your party and it's good time and I I pulled the boat out and I was with a group of friends and everybody was drinking I had yet to drink so I was still a little nervous and I had the massive amounts of anxiety and I looked around at everybody and all my friends and I said I don't belong here and I put the boat back in and never lie I looked and I said guys I'm sorry I can't go today and they're like why why he was gonna drive the boat because I'm a great captain and I said I just I had to get out of here I freaking dove off the boat I took off I got a nine alcoholic beer and I got a cigar and I just decided at that very moment I'm not never gonna drink again so I just took a break that's why I tell people just take a break many people haven't taken a 90 day break in their life says they're able to drink so take 90 days off an exam so you asked me the that was a long beginning to to your question the question is this is what else did I learn and it was everything I started feeling my feelings everything that I had that it was afraid of that I've been bearing everything that that that I had been masking because when you drink can you take drugs yes you mass the bad but you also mass the good so I started feeling my feelings for the first time since I was 15 years old and at first it was scary really really scary and so for the first 13 or 14 months so I did this in January first 2019 so there was this little event that you might have heard of that happened in 2020 that really it was so that was 15 months into my not drinking at all of a sudden I was alone so you hear me say this stillness silence and solitude that's where all the answers are and how many of us are ever alone be still completely still and in silence we have our phones we have computers we have our friends those are your answers and those three asses so I was forced and I believe that the pandemic happened a hundred percent for me now I'm sorry the people lost lives I'm sorry that people lost businesses it was the best thing in the world ever happened makes it forced me to be alone and then the universe said we're really going to test you and see if you want it if you're going to drink good drinking my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend got together took and tried to take away my daughter which is my why we lost our biggest customer at NTM and we were shut down so it was like there wasn't just one issue it was like 15 why did they try and take away your daughter hurt people hurt people man when they when they knew that I was done and it was a it was a very calculated thing I don't know if I'm ever said this out loud but I believe that that they took a 50 50 wrist that they said you know weird things even though that hurts my daughter when I'm hurt but that's what my ex-wife is now we've since fixed everything and we are great we actually do co-parent very well she's watching my dog right now but at the time she hadn't done any healing and she wanted she was hurting so she wanted me to hurt and she knew the only way to make me hurt was to get my daughter because to me part of what get the reason why she's my wife is because I didn't want anything that that I've ever gone through to her have to go through so she I've overcorrected two scouts she's just a pushed life she gets her first job here's her that I start laughing I go like you realize that she orders filet because you do realize you're gonna have to work a full week just to order the filet out and she's like what I'm like it's expensive your lifestyle is expensive so um the why did they what was he we're it was what first of all I was just curious why oh why did that it's so at the end of the day I believe it was God testing me it was how many things can they throw at me and at one point and this is where your surrender where you talked about surrender and creating space I could have frickin I have a full bar in my houses all of them and I could have walked over and grabbed a scotch and pounded my scotch but had I known that I carry guns I would have gone over there guns blazing and got arrested and lost my daughter and I literally took a stop this happened at four o'clock March 20th 2020 that's when the whole country shut down yeah and I get served that I lost my daughter and I had no clue when I was getting her back so I was alone I was still forced to be still and there was nobody to talk to so what did I do I shut my phone off I grabbed a cigar and I went for a long drive and I hatched my plan and I looked up at God and I looked over at my scotch and I said you made me you know this is not gonna break me and I was scared and when I get scared I get going so when I say if you knock me down you could better not be standing there when I get back up because I'm getting back up and I'm gonna get back up tougher and stronger and I will not stop coming forward and that's what I did I declared war on myself even harder that's what made me launched I started writing my book I launched podcasts I hired a new lawyer and I went after everybody and then I ripped NTM apart and read I mean I did everything everything during the pandemic and boy when that thing ended we were while people were day drinking and and getting fat and we I immediately I immediately ordered a home gym because I knew it wasn't gonna be two weeks and I came on of that thing bigger batter stronger mentally physically so everything happens for you you got to look and say instead of say why me yeah what is this teaching me and I had been prepared from that those beatings that my parents gave me the drowning that my staff finally I had prepared I wasn't fighting for my life I was fighting for water I mean I was fighting for money and just in my daughter then you're done I honest yeah and then when I got her back it took it took a couple days I got her back it spent a lot of money she it brought us closer because she said she's dad I knew you'd never stop fighting for me and and I was like I couldn't you know I will I'll ever want it with somebody to fight for me in fact part of my healing is I just want to it's my I wanted my stepfather my mother to say you're a good boy Kelly it's all I wanted you're a good boy because I was a good boy I got straight A's bro I wasn't a bad kid but they beat the hell out I mean like I was a bad kid sweating that one to me oh I mean it's not you can't rationalize that but you try to especially as a kid I mean that's probably the way that I what do you think you think that you're not worthy you're not you're not deserving of love so what did I do when I don't picked women who would hurt me yeah guys this is the blueprint man this is the blue Scott's giving you the blueprint I'm giving you the blueprint the the mass the messy your messy story is is how you get to the next level and there's no avoiding it there's no magic pill you just have the thing that scares the heck out of you and probably whatever you the baggage or that you're holding back at your masking and I always tell everybody this get a frickin journal just a spiral notebook and write every day and look for the frickin commonality of when it turns negative and there's going to be an underlying there's a most important number behind that mine was alcohol and I would have never said guess that because alcohol made me fun alcohol made me social turns out I'm way more social way more fun we were at that friend a year and a half ago and I was running around talking I found the same thing I mean like I'm not like I still once in a while drink I don't drink as much anymore I think it's been it's probably been about a month and a half two months as I've drank but it's because I don't find that it benefits me at all it doesn't when I go to a social event trust me I have no problem being like out like loud now going like sober like it doesn't change anything when I'm drunk I'm the same I just hate the next day but you know there's I say this there's nothing that alcohol makes better there's nothing it doesn't loosen you up I could sit here we could do a frickin five minute meditation I got to get closer yeah and relax more zen then we would if we had a frickin scotch yeah and by and it would happen faster than we've had a scotch so I'm not an anti alcohol guy I still think that you know you want to celebrate there's there are not alcoholic versions of it I'd prefer people do cannabis I prefer they just do nothing and lean into their feelings I mean you're seeing this huge right out there probably is it's it's a 20 billion dollar tax on alcohol and drugs or cannabis now 20 billion dollars the United States brings in it ain't going away so you but you're seeing sober bars it's it's becoming really chicken really cool they're not drinking what did you discover what was the most surprising thing that you discovered about yourself under the party persona after you quit drinking the man I became when I was drinking was really the person I really was sober so the person I was playing and who I wanted to be that's who I was is the person I created to to survive that childhood and everybody so I could drink and I was the life of the party and everybody loved party Kelly well you walked I walked in he said bro I love energy everybody loves this guy you were sober when I met you yep and and and everybody I really loves me more now and I don't have to apologize so you can create any freaking world you want you just have to do the work and you got to do it consistently and I love when I walk into a room and everybody looks I think because I'm the big guy it's because my energy just walked in and we're gonna freaking light this room up and we're gonna have fun and we're gonna enjoy life and if you're not if you're gonna for it can take a shot at me you're probably not enjoying life man that's the thing right nobody's nobody's taking shots that you is living better than you misery loves company yeah but really misery hates being alone that's when you're you ruminate on your feelings all been there bro they're you only nights they're in the pandemic I said why is this happening and it was alone so what I did as I couldn't journal enough I couldn't meditate enough I couldn't work out enough and I just I couldn't read or podcast enough so I would go into my my it was still cold in Michigan so I'd go into my garage and I would turn on my music and my my motorcycle because it was loud and I would just do a dance party by myself and I would envision things like this you know how life's gonna be once I finish learning whatever less than God wanted me to learn and that's that's part of the journey the process we talked about marrying the process of the worst outcome there is no shortcut to this guys you just you're not you have to do the work and you have to unbecome the mass the crotch the the things that you you did the persona that you did to survive and then if you lived the it's some people I've come to be the only of the great life well then what's holding you back if you live the great life then you should be doing great things if you didn't if you're not then there's something that you haven't uncovered yet the coolest thing in the world you you asked this and I didn't answer till just now the coolest thing that I realized is intimacy love and sex or three different things and you can be intimate with somebody without having sex like I'm we're in we're our conversations very intimately like I feel connected to you right now yeah I agree with that brother man I'm gonna frickin message you you're gonna get messages from me we're gonna do some things together the people gonna realize that you can't form that bond when you're drinking you do when you're drunk and you forget it the next day yeah what are we talking about yeah let's let's do great things also sometimes you know like if you want if you want to do good work and you want to build good relationships I think this is where I think like what you said like just the alcohol just numbs everything it numbs everything like even like the guy that you're talking about like he drinks I think he drinks yeah and I think that that when you when you have a lifetime of drinking and and trying to sort of fill this gap in your soul with work or money or whatever it is at least the bad decisions but my was in my heart I look whole but when you're when you're and not to say that everybody drinks who drinks makes bad decisions but I think the clarity of thought it can only cap and when you're completely sober and I don't I can't make business decisions anymore if I drink if I want to make a good business decision I just want to be sober I go to the gym that's where I create space for myself to think through an analyte and I think it just leads to better outcomes I literally just sit and talk to God and I'm out of religious I wouldn't call myself religious I will sit back and just say I'm stuck I'll meditate and I'll just create space and then all of a sudden something appears and I'm like oh you're listening it sounds will will we but it's so true I was just out of playing I left a master I'm at the group of of people that I went to speak at and I ended up getting some crazy delays and I ended up at a flight and I ended up between two bigger people and they piling at times like this is going to be a bumpy flight and I'm freaking getting thrown all over and I'm sitting there going this socks wide and I go do this and I just went and I started meditating and I said God smooth this plane out so I can relax and have a little bit of time to have a conversation with you it's got about 10 you 30 seconds later the plane freaking and then the pilot said it was going to be like it for a while smoothed out and I actually could sit there with my thoughts and I sat there and talked to God for another hour and when I landed some things were clear so it is in that stillness and the solitude and silence that it works if you haven't read the book conversations with God it's pretty wild I have or outwitting the devil those two I want them back to back for conversations with God Neil Donald Walsh you could listen to it to it's on the audible audible it's wild wild and I just it was the only thing I hadn't tried and now I have these conversations and they need to look out the universe is transpiring to make me happy and I'm happy even one of when things aren't I do I posted this I was anxious because I hadn't booked my flight back I was supposed to go do three or four more podcasts and I'm like you know what I'm just going to do scots I'm going to catch a flight and go back to my daughter and as soon as I did that I was it was called that that's what makes people scared is we want to know we want to be able to predict the future the unknown scares people or is it does and you have to get comfortable in that unknown and just knowing this is what this is what substance abuse workaholism it's it's all escaping the unknown and it's escaping that that scary feeling yeah exactly and that's that we just that's it and when you were comfortable walking taking this step into that unknown and knowing you're going to be okay you've built the confidence and the resilience to do anything in this world and it applies to working out it applies to relationships it applies to business anything but Kelly I don't know what you mean reach out to me I got a new book coming out happier than life follow me on Instagram and I'll send it to you I'm giving it away for free it'll be out within a month or so I'm giving it away for years you the antidote it's literally daily habits that I follow every day take it take the things that resonate with you yeah and then add your own my whole daily routine I have stolen pieces from everybody else I always tease everyone it's like in in the IT company right you're old enough to know BASF their tagline was we don't make the things that you make every day we make the things that you use every day better yeah and that's what we do if we did an IT and NTM it's what I'm doing it harder than life and I just take a little bit from everybody indeed is a success story partner now if you're hiring indeed is all you need let me give you an example if I needed to hire a new editor for this show I'd go to indeed and be super specific not just can you edit audio I'd say I need someone who's edited a conversational podcast for at least three years gets our style and knows our software someone who's done this before and here's the thing with indeed sponsored jobs I'd get people who fit that description I'm not digging through resumes when people who've edited one youtube video I'm getting actual podcast editors who know what they're doing people who've worked on shows like ours and can prove it that's what makes a difference you get people who actually are what you're looking for according to indeed data sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed are 90% more likely to report a higher than non sponsored jobs and people are finding quality hires right now in the minute that I've been speaking to you companies like yours have made 27 hires on indeed according to indeed data worldwide spend more time interviewing candidates who check all the boxes less stress less time and more results now with indeed sponsored jobs and listeners of this show will get a 75 dollar sponsored job credit to help you get your job the premium status it deserves at indeed dot com slash clary just go to indeed dot com slash clary right now and support our show by saying you heard about indeed on this podcast indeed dot com slash clary terms and conditions apply hiring do it the right way with indeed hop spot is a success story partner now if you're looking for a new podcast one of my favorite shows right now is demand to code it if you're in the B2B marketing space you need to be listening to this it's hosted by the team at blend they are a demand gen agency they know what they're doing they're also part of the house podcast network what I love about it is a skip all the theory and they just tell you what's actually working today so demand gen marketing content linked in at attribution they talk about real strategies that they are using that you can use today that are working so if you're an entrepreneur if you're building a business if you're really selling anything to anyone go search demand a coded wherever you get your podcast this is one idea that I love so if you don't if you don't believe in the traditional version of a god then you will find something else to replace that god and it can be substances it can be women it can be work it can be something else but you find something else to idolize in your life and I think that more people should it doesn't have to be a traditional version of but it's silence it's spirituality it's it's being alone with your thoughts the kind of like what you were just describing we always try and we always try and escape our own thoughts and I think that what God does and any version of God I think it forces us to be alone with our own thoughts and I think that's probably the scariest place so when you silence your own thoughts you numb your own thoughts with alcohol or drugs or work or gambling or any vice you're just escaping yourself you're just trying to escape yourself because you don't want to deal with a shit that's going on inside and I can't blame people for that because some people have a whole bunch of trauma that is not been dealt with and when they are alone with their own thoughts it's fucking horrifying it's absolutely horrifying to be so they find a way to escape their own thoughts so for somebody for again let's use a version of another version of you somebody who's had a really tough upbringing who is now 40 to 50 years old has escaped their own thoughts with alcohol and drugs and work and all these other things that we use to not really focus on ourselves is it smart for them to just go cold turkey on their vice or is that is that more damaging than helpful well not a doctor but I would say this does that make sense yes part of the heart of the life mantra is to just literally hit it right in the face so to me I wanted to better life more than I wanted to breathe and so if something's holding you back and we know it too of course we all know it that's what we're doing the shit that's why we're that's why we're working a hundred hours a week we really don't have to work in that so let me give you an antidote yeah it's to take action towards the the thing that you're really looking for which is identity being seen being heard and just really mattering in this world doesn't that what we want yeah we just want to know that our lot our time on this earth mattered I could tell you if you're drinking and doing drugs the time on this earth doesn't matter so let's get you out of that and let's focus on what makes you and everybody's here for a reason or else the drugs in alcohol would take you or the car would run yours God didn't have a plan for you you'd be done so I would say let's look and see what is it that you really want what is the big hairy audacious goal the thing that you have that's in deep rooted shit yeah listen I know that he was joking around and act like I make this stuff look easy and I I want to take a step back there are moments they're just moments that I my ruminating my shit and if I said that things out loud to you you wouldn't like me that I say to myself like I am the hardest I am on myself I'm working on that that's behind the scenes like man that you have to give yourself grace and and here's a new one thoughts are magical eyes 98% of the things you're worried about ain't ever gonna happen not gonna happen look back you're back in the thousand right now every single puzzle problem issue you have pieced together and you're here today remember that when you get scared you're is so why not take that leap and you're gonna fail and you're gonna for and and to me failure isn't it's feedback and it's not finality it's only failure if you make it finality you're gonna because it's it's God pushing you back on this isn't the way I wanted for you or you still have more to learn but keep freaking going if I would have given up way back when I I'd probably still I'd probably be dead as hard as I was partying but I just I always knew that this is something bigger for me and that was what made me just put down the alcohol and remember it's not about the alcohol it's about chasing your dream about living a meaningful life it's never about the alcohol it's about what's in your heart and soul that needs to become out in the universe the world deserves it and everybody's got it I don't care if you're a freaking janitor how about it what was it that we've heard all here just thought I'm sure Dan talking about what it was here to us janitor working at NASA isn't saying I'm a janitor I'm putting somebody on the moon hey whatever it takes it may sound hokey but if you get results who cares who cares whatever you got to do to do it do it that's why I even say to some people if you need cannabis to get you off alcohol my all means do it you see now there's studies with the with the with the the veterans coming back with PTSD they're going down the psilocybin method the do it because I couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of stuff now I've been there I gotta tell you it was pretty stressful that March 20 2020 that but that took everything I had to me to not go off the rails because it felt like I was just doing well yeah and I was too it's funny how that works so I say your life is a rollercoaster and you go up and down and you enjoy that up and then even enjoy that down down because you know what's going to happen next go right back up that's life because you think about your heart heart monitor if you have flat lines we're dead so enjoy those rides man you're learning something everything I recently read this book the second mountain and it was it just basically talking about the first mountain that we achieved I achieved it the house the cars the fame the fortune the the the the I thought I was valid I thought I was there was somebody and then I ripped it all down and I realized none of that mattered and now I'm climbing up the second ladder or the second mountain and when I get to that second mountain I'll probably never will just because I'm always moving the goal post and that's what beauty part I've learned to love that climb it's fantastic it is addicting it's because I get to meet more people like you I get I get invited to events that I I would have never been invited to and then it's all the negative just stays away from it's like a repellent well it's it's so the negative doesn't say away the negative happens but it doesn't affect you the same way that's good you're right it happens and it bounces off of you or it it becomes fuel what do they say the fuel frustration fuel is it frustration or is it fuel I like like there's moments where I look at at trends and because I'm a numbers guy look at trends and I look at my IT team I'm like you guys don't see this trend yeah and then I get I used to get I get frustrated but then I get angry now I just go okay this is what I'm supposed to be here for I'm the one seeing it and so I use every time I get frustrated instead of getting frustrated I literally say to myself use it as steel Kelly and when there's a little effect when I get frustrated like that I would I would that's when I would drink because it's like okay I'm not supposed to do this this isn't what I'm cut out for yes it was that limiting belief coming in this is it this is too hard I'm the same stimulus same same thing happening totally different outcome right exactly and now I go oh this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing I don't like did is waste 30 years yeah but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter because you know what you say you waste 30 years but some people some people this is their whole life yeah I you know my dad died of might my real my biological dad he didn't abuse me he was but he was a drug abuse or a drunk and and he died at 46 so he died young he was never he could never be my father he didn't never be but he never lived the day in his life he drank him druged himself to death I'm 49 and I look back at that it makes me sad I wish I could have a conversation with my dad smart he had the funny thing about his life came easy to he was the he had the highest IQ in the family he was the smartest he could think things quicker and he just to to slow life down he started drugs early and became addicted right away and 30 years later the body gave out and that's what happens guys if you don't look at this and you are out of alignment with with some sort of substance it could be prescription do remember it could still be a lot of a lot of people come to me for porn or dick and porn feel your feelings feeling is healing and then once you do that then you unlock whatever you were supposed to do in this world this is what I meant to do it's help people it's so tough though is that you have you know all these all these companies you know whether or not it's it's alcohol companies food companies porn whatever they know how to tap into our biology to exploit us that's the thing and it's and it's like everything is an uphill battle nah yo you think you look at the the most interesting man you know it's they make drinking like oh I'm gonna get the most beautiful woman I'm in the most beautiful body I'm gonna have the best time I got a news flash for you I was at Fort Myers Beach yesterday and uh trick it ain't it ain't it people I saw some of the most terrible bodies I've ever seen and I'm not trying to be judgy but let's let's look around and you know again one finger pointing away three or point away back at you so I always look at myself I'm like okay I you know I'm in the middle of doing 500 workouts I don't know how my idioticity came up with that I work out every day so I figured 365 days no problem what's 135 days oh my god Scott the pressure is a lot you know I I made it this morning I made sure I saw you I was there five a.m. which the gym doesn't open no five a.m. my gym in Michigan opens at four so I had to stress run and get it and when I land I'm gonna work out on my gym at home because I want a front load the 135 two days I need to do because I have that's all one bad thing I have to which I told you have to achieve my goal it's just a maniacal about it okay I want to ask about your parenting approach breaking cycles and how your own childhood shapes your parenting with your daughter you mentioned your daughter is your why so I'm sure you have a very specific way that you like the parent what has your upbringing sort of taught you about parenting well I keep things simple because for years I used to think I was smart but turns out I'm really smart I just what I I stepped at beat that into me it's like you're not ever gonna want anything you're stupid you're an idiot smack and it took years to undo that so I keep things simple I literally did the opposite of the way I was raised I lead with love I lead with tenderness I make her a priority like right now it's so it be so easy for me to just say I don't you know this is my parenting day Monday through Thursday I could just say hey I gotta be with Scott for the day um you know stay with your mom but I know and I've never done it I think this been like 11 days in 14 years that I have even moved today for her she is my priority I want her to know she is a woman she's a female 16 years old and I wanted to know she matters she's my priority she's my choice I always choose her because what happens the women that I used to pray on they're they were invisible to their fathers so my daughter 16 years old still doesn't have a boyfriend she's beautiful by the way blonde body unbelievable smart she so you're here at my let and Dan Martell say everything's caught not taught no they're caught and taught I've taught her over and over and over to love herself and and she's caught my hard work in determination so she doesn't drink she doesn't do drugs she's I know it's how it's crazy but these kids are doing it now at 16 at 16 they're having sex they're they do it at 14 she tells me everything she sends me videos of the parties it's wild Scott I know you guys are gonna have kids soon yeah and it just starts from right out of the room man I I told her when we got they're an divorced her mother as it's you and me against the world kiddo and I just lead with lots and lots of love now it doesn't hurt that I'm 220 pounds of frickin solid muscle and I scare the boys away but I have talked I have conversations with her I told you when I said I'm flying back and I'm gonna have dinner I have sit down dinner we have breakfast together every morning and dinner I mean that time is valuable it's it's her time and I let her talk and and even though at 16 the conversation is about now that oh this was so funny and somebody did this and and then I say what did that make you feel what did you say what do you and I don't lecture so it's it is a work in progress she does not have that maniacal drive that I do and it scares the crap out of me because she thinks dad's always gonna be there to pick up the pieces so I so I had to put the like I do in business I put the stop where I said okay here's she she turns 16 she didn't get a car I was like an afford a car she we had we made a deal she had to get this amount of grades she didn't get it she didn't get a car most parents would have got her car because they were said oh well it's easier for me yeah but this is the way the you with the world works it everything is earned privileges are earned she did not earn it she did not get it what do you what do you bring up about is sort of your past and your journey and how does it do you have candid conversations she knows everything about she's read the book so she knows every say like they've heard it so much she's heard so many times they've kind of you know numbed it out because it's insane Scott I can't wait my sister's nine years older than me and when I prove right in the book I had to call and ask her I was like this is what I remember she's like that's all you remember she's like it was a thousand times worse so there was part of me that blocked it out for for to protect myself she's nine years older so she was 16 17 and I was only nine or eight and and so she told me some things that I had forgot so the other day you know I just this is this is this is success to me is this is making sure when she turns on okay and and and full disclosure one of my number one concerns is that she doesn't live her fullest potential and that was the thought to magicalize she's gonna figure it out she's not gonna figure it out at 16 but she's gonna figure it out because she's got a dead we've got multiple companies she's gonna figure it out she isn't gonna be this this she I allow this and I beat myself up over that so I so I go kick get up you gotta get up you know it's so I'm not perfect in any regard not in any of this stuff but I am gonna keep showing up and showing out so yeah but I am proud that she we have a deal where she drops a pin and and if she's over in a situation we have done some role plays where I said you know you're gonna be in a situation someone's gonna hand you weed someone's gonna have you a beer and she's dead that came in handy you know I we worked out one that she didn't want to be the dork someone handed her weed she's I gotta go to the bathroom because we talked about it yeah and she and she went into the bathroom dropped a pin came and got her and just took her to her mom's house we and I said I don't know questions ask I'm not gonna make a scene this is the deal we have so she she's she's having a battle with she isn't fit in because she doesn't do all these things she's not boy crazy so she is that and I feel for her but at least I'm there man I'm there I didn't have those conversations when I was a child it sucked I was alone I never cried I cried more now for gratitude than they ever cried when I was a kid because if I did cry in my and my mother and my stepfather they'd say I'd give you something to cry about most of the time they weren't there they're out drinking so there's nobody to cry too loves alone yeah I think that listen you can't control everything but just being the the role model and having these super candid conversations with your kid I mean I don't have kids but that's the way that I want a parent just show up just show up just show up that's half the battle man you know she knows that I'm flying and everyone will make mistakes and you can't you can't hate the kid if they do make mistakes but already the the level of candor that you have between you and her and it's beautiful she's a blast yeah you know and frankly you know I made her mother was like my mother and and and that's the hardest part still supporting her mother when she doesn't make great choices you know and it's and and so my daughter will say to me hey dad I got I can't leave mom because you know she always wants to come out vacation I can't leave mom because I feel like I got to take care of her and I'd break my heart and I say it's not your job to take care of her but I will tell you mom loves you and she's doing the best she can and I got to stick up for even though some of the decisions she makes I'm like oh no but I've learned to separate that even you know given the opportunity to support me and my sobriety journey she chose to fight me yeah good luck with that I'm on defeated baby how did how did your sobriety journey obviously it's impacted you your relationship with your daughter in such a positive way how did it impact your business well at first it and hindered it in that my drinking body is quit doing business with me so we took a little bit of a hit I don't tell them it's weird but it did man people liked going out to Kelly and just knowing that we had a cover we're one of the very for sure things in life man we put our software in the service you're not going to get pop with any kind of ransomware I'm sure and you follow what we do which is the number one thing is I love myself so much I know that I have a standard and we have that we we've been still that standard at NTM and I get that we run EOS and I picked all the core values and that's how people get to do business they have to retain those core values it's really a standard that everything in my life I adhere to we never dip alone anytime we do I'm reminded so if we let somebody deviate and that comes with the confidence the quiet confidence that you have that you know I'm not going to drink today and everything's going to be okay and I'm going to succeed and I'm going to win and it's funny how you you'll push away deals that are going to be problem deals it's good so it's happened it's it's it's the choosing yourself and continuously choosing yourself that's what I laugh and I call myself the chosen one that's that's the other thing choose yourself it's also known as self love having a drink having some weed taking a freaking gummy having sex with randoms um scrolling is not choosing yourself getting up at freaking four a.m. doing gratitude doing meditation go into the gym go in and showing up and showing out and listening to your staff being there for my daughter those are all things that pick me it's men though we have a hard time choosing ourselves you know we got to look out for our wives our businesses our kids everybody else but us and that's what I'm helping the the people in my group choose themselves self care is not selfish they tell you on an airplane put your mask on before you help anybody else because you're no good to anybody else dead so you can be all this people please earn help everybody who's pleasing you who's pleasing that inner child who's making you feel hurt who's helping making you feel seen and that's where we unlock in the heart of the life nation that's what you get from my coaching is we identify what you need to feel seen and hurt and loved and then we freaking breathe into it as a team and as 101 and it's amazing I I'm going to have a guy in the podcast I want to steal his name this Friday that he is a bad-ass green beret and I asked him that question he burst out in tears that we hugged and that was the intimacy and we're gonna break it down the podcast but that's the kind of stuff that when you see a grown man who's a 275 pounds six foot three killer break down because he's providing for everybody else and nobody's right providing for him that's tough that's it that's what I love about now society Scott is it's okay for me to go Scott yeah it's okay to be vulnerable it's okay to cry and it's okay I got you you know we were taught and I was taught that you had to be tough and you didn't show your feelings that's that's all be asked man you know let's have a drink and it's free of feelings no no let's have a real vulnerable and authentic and really transparent conversation and I say to you I'm scared death of what's what this next generation of my daughter has to deal with I'm scared death of this but there's a duality there because I agree because you so to go to the other end of the spectrum where you don't provide and you don't work hard and you don't do things that are worth doing is also not the answer you guaranteed it'll happen if you don't do in action you almost but these guys are doing guys guys are on two ends are either too hard and don't show their feelings and our providers or they're not providers and they don't do anything and that's what you dance in the heart the heart of the life happier than life thing I harder than life when I first started this six years was probably was on that level and now it's oh as I freaking broke that down that tough guy yeah I became happy so guys watch my journey and when you see this perpetual smile it was because I I can connect with man like you and smile and be vulnerable and say you know I'm scared of these moments or or that this is something that I'm struggling with and I need your help biggest thing in the thing hardest thing for me to work words is asked for help and what I do first walked in I start asking you hey can you help me of course and you know what I know right away you're my people because you're like heck yeah bro because you know right on the other side of that is you're gonna be like hey can you introduce me so and this is what life is living yeah I think that that and that's the important thing like many ideas can be true at the same time so you can be a provider and you can be you can be in touch with yourself and and take care of yourself and you can you know you can tie into your emotions and you can be taking care of your wife and also be vulnerable at the same like all these things are true at the same time I think that what we end up doing is you just sort of we become this sort of this simple version of what we think we have to be and then we can't be anything else my girlfriend is the best she's ever she's ever felt more seen more heard and more safe yeah and and that's by me putting myself first yeah because I can be all there's a funny thing about it guys guys I'm a little right in the camera and so it's really like this is just listen twice as much as you talk your your wife doesn't you're significant other doesn't need you to answer and neither does your staff this is a business advice to yeah they don't need the answers they see you listen and they need to be heard and ask a question about it I have a thing and a guy's got it from Dan one three one role what's the one issue what are your three freaking recommendations and then what's the one you picked and then we unpack it and they it's amazing how somebody feels that they're a part of the solution or the decision that they'll they'll get behind it so it just listen man to God gave you two freaking ears and one mouth for a reason the more I listen probably heard that from Chris fossil up too the more you listen the more people tell on themselves but the more that they feel heard it bonds you it's it's the you know the the first person that speaks loses the person who speaks most loses how do you differentiate between ego driven goals and purpose driven goals all is so good for me I'm going to I can give you the the the canes where I'm going to be my is my answer is purpose driven goals I feel in my heart and it's easy and I'll have to think about them ego driven goals I have to work at I have to actually think about and I usually I usually know that they're ego driven if I have to ask if they're ego driven that's funny it just purpose driven fuels you up it's it's part of that book this the second mountain it's it just comes God's plan for you happens I could sit here and use for another hour and tell you the last year breaking down how I know I just told you about the airplane I could give you 50 freaking 90 times for that happens that happens to me there is a purpose for you when you fall out of line that is God putting you back and we ignore that that is energy the source it's you're on your path to where you're supposed to be and then you start derailing and then bad things start happening like get back to what you were doing and just it's just it's like what Mel Robbins let them it's let it happen every part you don't have to force what's meant for you you don't we have to set up guidelines and parameters and standards to push the things away that are bad for you everything above that that's that's literally you an ego is external it really is that's external well I'm going to have a big house you know I got to have all he said do you need it or do you want really boils down to me as as I've grown and gotten a bigger reach and made it bigger that the less I need it is another thing too man they're not drinking I don't want choir much that's why we're going to donate most of this charity I'm going to take care of my staff people that helped us build this we're going to take care of them they're going to be rich beyond all wilds beliefs and then we're going to donate the charity because I don't I don't need it and watch the more give away the more we make yeah it's funny how that works seem so it lights you up man what lights you up is is just is purpose driven you know coming full circle I think that that's when when people are again along with their own thoughts they're sitting inside what was that silence stillness solitude or were you're going to go full silence stillness solitude yeah and when I would add to it is significant you'll end up being significant yeah you can sit in there yeah so the full circle is who do your best equipped to help the person used to be I was a scared beaten little boy who was scared to death and now I have very few fears I said I was scared but I'm not it if I'm ever scared we're in a bad situation bro because I've used it all up and so but that's the portal to and then the other thing to us whatever keeps happening to you that is that's your portal that's what you have to lean into got there we call them red flags look into those red flags for more likely what needs attention and I got a new flush mine was all about the drinking and as soon as I attached that then then a lot all the purpose who created that space that you spoke about yeah that's so key that's so so key um where well first of all you have a new book coming out so happier than life um that'll be available I mean you're gonna give it for free or we're gonna we're gonna give the electronic version away to free so just follow me on instagram when I announce it message me uh book or or just in the DMs and we'll have an automatically set up to send it to people now I'm not a big fan of those I read books books it'll be available on amazon and all of where books are sold so if you want to buy you can still buy and get a book but I will email the electronic copy when it's available I'm still in final proof truth be told I told you absolutely transparent I almost want to throw the darn thing out because in the last three months I've grown the most I think I've grown since I started this and I want to redo it but the meat and potatoes of it the daily habits and rituals that I'm given to people are the same ones I'm using today but the stories around it are changing every day like I can't I can't put in the airplane story because I've already read it yeah yeah yeah and it says things keep happening that you cannot say or have a stance you just can't when I ask a specific thing to God and it gets delivered to me like can you smooth this plan out so I can have a conversation with you when the pilot says we're gonna have nothing but turbulence for the next hour so I'm going to put the the stewardess in their seat explain that to me I can go on and on and on so those are the stories that I want to do so I'm going to release it and we're going to set it so if people follow me kelly dot seagull that's 71 on Instagram that's our preferred platform we're on everything Instagram tick tock yeah we just recorded a round of of socials that are going to blow people's mind you've learned so much in your life we've talked about a whole bunch of different great ideas they're going to help people on the show today if you could only pass on one lesson to your kids to your to your daughter what would that lesson be and why I stole this from Ram Das and it was love everybody and tell the truth and I say that because it hits me so hard because I've been lied to we've all we've all been lied to but I was lied to as a child and the truth hurts once the lie hurts forever so we just if I could pass one universal law would be always had to tell the truth not your truth the truth it wouldn't make this world a lot better place it would make it easy we could I can maneuver with the truth yeah and I could fix anything but death but you got to give me the truth so love everybody tell the truth that's what I tell everyone and the world could be anything you wanted to be in this world you just have to freaking out people and help yourself and work on yourself it becomes amazing