Amberly Lago, Speaker, Author and Podcaster | How to Live a Life of Grit and Grace

Welcome to Success Story, the most useful podcast in the world. I'm your host, Scott DeClaire. The Success Story podcast is part of the HubSpot podcast network. The HubSpot podcast network is the audio destination for business professionals to seek the best education and inspiration on how to grow a business. HubSpot podcast network hosts, acts as on-demand mentors to entrepreneurs, startups and scale-ups through practical tips and inspirational stories. Listen, learn and grow with the HubSpot podcast network at HubSpot.com slash podcast network. Today, my guest is Amberly Lago. Amberly is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, podcast host and health coach. Her speaking career started after her life was dramatically altered in a life-defining accident when her legs were almost crushed beyond repair. Through her recovery process, she found a new voice, being a former professional dancer, athlete fitness trainer. She was not only determined to save her leg, but her career, her dreams and her dignity. She has over 23 years of experience and fitness and wellness. Yet this absolutely floored her. So we're going to speak about her, basically, her event that changed her life, her recovery process, some of the things that she went through. She's going to tell everyone on this show, her story, and then she's going to speak about some of the things that she learned from going through that. So the tenacity, the perseverance, the grit that she had to embody to get through this. She's going to speak about some of these lessons that she's learned and how they can apply to you. She has been featured on NBC's Today Show, The Doctors Hallmark. Good morning, Lala Land. She's contributed to a ton of magazines, including Shape Health, Disability Magazine, Fit Pregnancy, and she has key-noted globally. She also has a best-selling book, True Grit, and Grace turning Tragedy into Triumph. And of course, she has her own podcast where she interviews incredible people to bring out these personality traits and habits that will sort of bring anybody to the next level regardless of what they're trying to accomplish. So let's get right into it. This is Amber Lee Lago. Well, thank you so much for having me here. I'm excited to share some hopefully some tips and tools that people can apply into their life on how to build resilience and grit, and especially entrepreneurs, because that's not always an easy thing to do. Yeah, you know, we were talking before we started recording, and I was saying how I'm out here in LA, but obviously you can maybe tell a little bit by accent, I'm originally from Texas, but I always knew I started dancing when I was three, and I knew from a really young age probably for as long as I can remember that that's what I wanted to do when I grew up was to be a dancer. And the place to do that was in Los Angeles. So I learned a lot of grit growing up because I come from a family where we didn't have much money. My parents divorced when I was young. There were so a lot of things that happened that it was used to be really hard for me to talk about, but now through lots of therapy and lots of work around trauma, I've healed a lot of those parts where I was sexually abused by my stepfather, and it really taught me that if I wanted to do something in life that I really wanted more out of life, I had to be willing, I had to decide and commit, and I think a lot of those things have carried me through a lot of challenges in life. So I moved to LA when I was 18. I was a life guard and a dance teacher and I got a baby sat for a lot of different families and scrubbed toilets. Whatever I could do, and I saved up $1,200, packed up my little Suzuki Samurai, and I think you know I'm so thankful I was naive because I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I remember sleeping in this hotel and the next weren't well, it was a motel and I really had to be completely transparent. And I remember waking up the next day going, what's different about my car? And the very first night I was in LA, the top to my car was stolen, and I was like, okay so the first year I lived here, I didn't have a top, I drove around with a convertible, and I learned a lot, I learned very quickly that I was not a great dancer. I may have been a pretty good dancer for this small town, but going to LA where there was so many incredible dancers, I learned that if I wanted to succeed and have a career in dance that I was going to have to really work hard, and I think Angela Duckworth says that success is not necessarily about talent or title or money, it's really about grit. And so thank goodness we can all work on ways to build grit, and those lessons that I learned as an athlete growing up, as a dancer really prepared me for the most difficult moment in my life, so I had a successful career in dance. I had a successful career in the fitness industry, I was doing info marshals, I was sponsored by Nike, I was nationally recognized as a fitness coach, and I thought wow life is good, I'm living the California dream, everything changed in a blink of an eye, when I was coming home from work on my motorcycle, I was hit by an SUV, and I'm sliding down the interval of our down asphalt, and I remember thinking please you know I couldn't tell what I was sliding into and I thought please just don't let another car hit me, and when I finally stopped I looked down at my leg and I only looked down at it once because it was completely just broken into pieces, and there was blood everywhere, and I remember thinking one of my first thoughts was oh my gosh I'm not have to train clients on crutches for a while, I had no idea how serious it was, I had no idea that my funeral artery was severed, that I was literally bleeding out on the street, thank goodness I had a guy that came over right away, he made a tourniquet on my leg, he saved my life really, and paramedics got there, I was rushed to the hospital, and the hospital room was chaotic, some of these moments that you know I've had people say do you remember the accident, I was like I remember every single detail from the moment that I was hit from the moment that the nurse leaned over me and she said we're going to give you something to make you feel all better now, and that was the last thing I remember before they put me in induced coma, when I woke up out of a coma the first thing I learned was the doctor said well we're going to have to amputate, you have a 1% chance of saving your leg, it's like a war wound, there's nothing we can do for you, and I said well wait a minute, you just said I have a 1% chance, so there's still a chance, I need to find a doctor who's willing to take that chance of makes, I want to save my leg, and it took a lot of grit by the grace of God, and some amazing doctors, 34 surgeries, months in the hospital the first time, and then years of in and out of the hospital, and I had my last surgery about two years ago, but this journey has been an experience that has taught me a lot about things that I needed to heal, things that I needed to unlearn, and it's really taught me about the power of the human spirit, I was diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome when I was released from the hospital, and the pain just wasn't getting better, and that took me down the darkest road, I think that going through a horrific accident like that was hard, but living with chronic pain every day has been my biggest teacher, and so I'd love to share some of the tools that I've learned about that, because I think we all have pain, whether it's physical pain, emotional pain, especially during this last year and a half of COVID, we were talking about that before we started reporting, just how it's changed so much of how we connect and how we work, and how our relationships, and so that's a little bit about my journey, and I'm amazed that it's led me, I want to pinch myself when I think that I have the opportunity to be here with you and share with your audience, because it's truly a miracle, and I believe in miracles, and so it's so important what we focus on, and that 1% chance has been the glimmer of hope that a lot of times I remind myself of to keep me moving forward. That's an amazing, it's obviously an amazing story, and I think that you have a lot of insight that you can teach and help people, you can help people because over the past year and a half, two years, there's been various degrees of traumatic events, people's lives, not to the same extent as yours of course, but still the status quo has been displaced, everything's been shaken up a little bit, and everything that we thought, you know, again, not to diminish the story, but that you went through, but everything that we thought was safe and secure and normal is no longer, from people dying, like friends, families, loved ones, to the job that you've had for 20 years, being ripped out from under you and you being furloughed, right? So these are all things that have happened over the past year and a half, but these are the people that hopefully will take a little bit of my goodness, if she can go through this with a 1% and still come out in this way, then how can I apply these things to my life? But let's keep going on your story before we start to teach out some lessons for people. Well, and I'm glad you brought up about the jobs and stuff, because that is that's really scary. I mean, I was out of work for a year and a half, and I had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses. We had a lean on our house. I was the main breadwinner for the family, and I'd always had a savings in case of emergency, and we went through that savings so quick, and I thought, well, I remember laying in the hospital bed in my house because I couldn't make it up and down the stairs, and I had a friend that I worked with that she came over and she goes, and thank goodness I had a fitness business where I had clients, but I also had trainers that worked with me. And so I had a fitness business where I taught trainers how to become trainers, and they worked for me. So they were able to keep my business going a little bit, but me as far as being on the floor with people and sessions, I was out of work. And remember this friend came over and she goes, well, what are you going to do now? I can't be a trainer. And I just burst into tears. And I think a lot of questions like that, well, what do I do now? And I'm here to say, you can do anything that you set your heart and your mind out to do and accomplish, and you're never too old, you're never too young, you're never too dumb, you're not, I mean, if you have a strong enough why, you can get through almost any hell. And is that what, and you just didn't wake up one day and just come to this realization? This is probably over months, years that you figured out that you need to have this why. So walk me through even the psychological state of you realizing that you are never going to really work in the same capacity or doing the exact same thing as you did before. How did you overcome that? What were some of the steps that you took to just not just go down this really dark path that I think a lot of people would probably go down? Well, I did go down that dark path. I gotta be real with you. I'm stubborn. I'm so stubborn. And I'm like, to hell with that, I can't be a trainer. Watch me like, I'm, I, some of my most motivating moments have been when people told me I can't do something. Like, I was so excited to be released from the hospital and one of the last things the doctor told me, not not worth a beat at doctor. He was a pulmonary doctor. He said, I said, I can't wait to get home and run again and train clients like those were my lists like I had a list of things to do that brought me joy. And he said, well, I don't know if you'll ever run again and you'll never wear shorts again with all the scars that you have because my leg is completely scarred up. It's deformed. You know, my ankles fused. I've got a metal rod. But you also own it, though. I want to talk about that in a bit, but you own it now. I see it. Thank you. It took me a while to own that because I had a lot of shame. And, but I was determined to get back to working with me. I love working with people. I've been, I started teaching dance when I was 13 and I transitioned that into fitness and teaching, you know, clients and classes and that and so on. So I thought, at this point, I needed my clients more than they needed me. And I think that when you're going through something really hard, that it's so important to have a purpose or reason to get out of bed. And it doesn't have to be a client or a job. It can be as something as simple as you have a dog that needs to go for a walk. You have a child that, you know, needs you to be their mom, whatever it may be. Maybe if you have a garden and you need to water your garden, but there's some sort of purpose that helps you that sparks that sparks a little fire under you that gets you out of bed. Because I was really in a place where here I had survived this horrific accident only to when I couldn't get out of pain. And I'm telling you, Scott, I was trying everything to get out of pain. I had a spinal stimulator where they put metal leads in your back, the nerve disease I have is ranked highest on the pain scale and it's dubbed the suicide disease because there's no known cure and you're just in pain all the time. And so I was trying everything and anything and I was always thought, well, if you work for enough, it's something and you just keep pushing through the pain then everything's okay. Well, I learned the hard way that you can't just keep pushing through and not acknowledging the pain. And that goes for whether it's physical pain or any kind of pain, any kind of feelings. We have to let those feelings rise up to the surface or else they come out and everything we do in life. They come out in our relationships and our career and the way we love and the way that we lead. And so I had never dealt with a lot of emotions and that took me down. I mean, I went from being this athlete and healthy to when nothing was working for the pain and I was on 73 homeopathic pills and 11 different prescriptions a day. And none of it was working. And so I remember having a glass of wine and going, oh, well, this kind of helps. It helps me stuck down the pain, the feelings of being inadequate, the shame. Yeah, but the dangerous path. Yeah, and it worked until it didn't and mild and luckily it took me down and it took me down fast and I had a moment where I think we all have this light inside of us and it never goes out. But mine was barely a flipper and it was just enough to give me the courage to ask for help. So I would say anybody that's struggling in any area of their life. Sometimes you feel like you're alone, like you're the only one that no one would understand. Maybe you get caught up in your ego like I did and you're like, oh, I don't want to admit that I'm in pain or I can't do something. But when you want something and I think there's a gift and desperation and I was desperate to get my life back, I wanted more out of life. I wanted to be the mom that my kids deserve. I wanted to be the wife that my husband married. And so I prayed to God, ask God for help. And so whether you believe in a higher power or good God, nature, whatever, anything bigger than yourself, know that you're never alone. There's always something bigger than you that can help guide you and support you. But it really transformed my life when I took a good hard look at what was going on. And I think that's what we have to do is stop, you know, take the blinders off, really accept what's going on in our life, take accountability for it, then have the willingness and the courage to ask for help, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Now it's easy for me. Now I'm just like, I don't know how to do this. I don't want to do it alone. I don't think we're meant to do things alone. I think that we're as humans were meant to connect and support and love each other. And so if you're struggling with anything in your life, I think the first thing to do would be to take a look at that and ask for help, ask for help from somebody who we trust or maybe somebody that you know has already been through something and they've gotten through the other side of it because that was transformative for me when I actually am humbling to ask for help. I just want to take a second and thank the sponsor of today's episode HubSpot. HubSpot is the CRM platform that is easy to implement and is even easier to get your team to a doc and ask anybody that's implemented new technology in a company. The biggest issue is not finding it or buying it. It's getting your team and your company to actually use it and adopt it. And when it's a piece like a CRM, one of the most critical pieces of your business infrastructure and your tech stack. 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You get a free silicone ring, worldwide shipping, 30 day exchange, the best damn ring you'll ever buy. Period. Alright, let's get back to the show. And what was your what was your ask for help? Who was the person that that helped you through this the most? And what did they do? Well, I will say the first person I reached out to, um, well, I've asked for help in in business. And I asked for help in my personal life when I was trying to get soberized help from a client, which was very humbling because here I was her fitness trainer. And I knew that she had overcome or recovering alcoholic. So I thought, well, she will know what to do. And just like, yeah, I'm going to help you take you to a meeting, a recovery meeting. And I didn't hear back from her for a week. And the only reason I share that is because sometimes we ask for help and the people that we ask, maybe they just aren't able to help us at that moment. So it's really up to us to be willing to help ourselves and not depend on someone to help us. It's great to have help. So after that, I was like, no, I'm going to die if I don't, I mean, I wanted to die, but I was just too scared to die. Um, if that even makes, I don't know if that makes sense. But I knew that I, this was a liver die situation. Like either I was going to get help or I was not going to live. And so I googled recovery groups. And I found the first available recovery group that I could go to that my husband wouldn't have to know about and my daughters would be in school because I hid a lot of my drinking from from everybody. I didn't want anybody to know. And so that really helped me. But in business, I've always asked for help. I remember, you know, honestly, four years ago, I didn't even own a computer. So technology, writing a book, starting my own podcast, building a business online, having a mastermind online, that's truly a miracle. But that's why, you know, I had such a strong why, but I had to go, you know, I remember asking my help. I got asked to speak at this inspired series by Lauren and Jane and they wanted me to send them a headshot. And I didn't even know how to attach a picture. I borrowed my husband's computer. And I was like, honey, I don't know how to attach a picture to an email. Can you help me? And he was like, Oh, what do you need again? And I was like, I just burst into tears. And I was like, I will figure it out. I'm going to the Apple store. And I went and bought myself a computer. I signed up to take a class. And in that class, I raised my hand over and over and over and over. And the guy stopped the class. And he's like, I have to tell you something. I've never taught a class where someone has been like you and not embarrassed to ask so many questions, some are which are very basic. And I'm like, I know, I don't know how to do this. And I really need to learn how to do it because I have a message that I want to share. I have an impact that I want to make. And so I'm still learning, you know, I learn every day. And sometimes it's hard. And I think through COVID, a lot of us have been forced to either learn and grow or stay stuck. And I'm here to say, if you want more out of life, there is a way. If I can write a book that became a best seller. And the only reason I'm sharing that is because I had so many people like, oh, you write a book, you're the fitness girl. You can never write a book. You don't even own a computer. And I think it's really important when you want to do something. Stop asking people who have never done it before that everybody's got their opinion. And that's fine. But go to someone who can give you good counsel. That's why I think it's really important to have a mentor and coach be involved in a mastermind. Because when you go to someone who's already done it before, they're not going to say, oh, yeah, right. What you can't do that. They're going to get excited for you. They're going to say, you know what? That's awesome. This is what you need to do. This, this, and this. And that from experience, you know, and so I think it's really important. And so, yeah, I've asked for help from in my personal life, for my marriage, you know, it was a lot. I didn't, this isn't just my story. This is our story. He went to the hospital with me every single time through 34 surgeries. Now by the end by like surgery 30, he'd like drop me off and say, I'll pick you up later. He's like, slow down the car and drop me off. But you know, he's been alongside me. And so I think it's important to ask for help in in every way and every aspect of your life. And especially as an entrepreneur, how did you pivot your entire career from you were you were teaching and maybe it's the the fitness personality of wanting to help people be better. But how did you think to pivot your career when you're at the lowest point in your life and turn yourself into somebody that's helping other people when you're still struggling internally, mentally, physically. Why would that be the place that you would go because it seems to me like that's so far from if I was to I'd be like, I just need to find a way to make money. I don't want to put myself out into the world. Like I'm just thinking through the de facto how I would react, which is probably not the best way. So you put yourself out and now you're doing all these things. Well, you know, that's such a great question. And I think that I feel very blessed that I knew that movement moves your mood and it releases endorphins and it makes you feel good at movement. Those endorphins combat pain. And so even when I was in the hospital, the doctor thought I was crazy and that I am, you know, that's my loving term of endearment that my husband calls me as crazy and I kind of like it. But I told the doctors, I said, I need to get a bullet bar installed over the bed and I need some dumbbells and they're like, okay, I knew that if I could keep moving, however I could not that I was in there trying to get muscles, I was just doing that because it made me feel productive. It made me feel good like I was moving forward. And I thought, how can I still be of service to people while I'm in the hospital bed? And so I was setting up exercise programs for people to do on their own. I was even given the nurses in the hospital exercise advice. Once they knew I was a trainer, they would come in my room and they're like, hey, girl, what can I do to get my booty up? Like, like, it was and it made me feel good. And I think one of the things that has really been a blessing to my life in my life is being of service because it's easy to get in that victim mentality and feel like a victim. But you have the ability and the choice to be the victor of your life. And when you're of service, it makes you feel it gets you out. It puts you in the driver's seat of your life and it allows you to to do things to take action to feel better when you're being of service to someone. And so I knew that I wanted to get back to work as a as a trainer because that really is is my joy and so for anybody that's listening and it's like, well, I'm struggling and I don't know how to reinvent myself and I don't know what to do. I would really suggest that really write down a list of 100 things that bring joy to you. Like, just write a list, make a list of all the things that bring you joy. And then you can make little buckets in that list and think, okay, this is the bucket that is my adventure bucket. This is the bucket that's my family bucket. This is the bucket that is like what I like to do for work or whatever those buckets may be. And for me, I tried to get back to training clients one-on-one on the gym floor and one day I was at the gym and my husband was like, get off your leg now. You're bleeding out. And I had surgery in my stitches that come open and I was bleeding across the gym floor. And like I said, I'm stubborn. It took that for me to go, okay, I'm not really being the best to myself and I'm not really being the best to my clients. But how can I still serve people and have that that purpose and make an impact? And I thought, well, I can do that not be on my feet. I can be a life coach. And so that's when I went and got certified to be a life coach. And I feel like fitness coaching and life coaching go hand in hand because you're working. It's just a little bit different skill set. And one thing led to another and I really wasn't thinking about the money part of it to be honest with, yes, I needed to make money. And thankfully that has come along. But I really focused on what brought me joy and what drives me. And I think that it's important to do what you love because times are going to be hard. Look, I spoke for free. When I got into speaking, I spoke for free to any place that would have me in coffee shops at the Betty Ford Clinic, at networking events, at online virtual summit anywhere that they would have me. And I spoke for free. And now I do it. And I would do it for free. And that's how I know I really love it. Thankfully, I do. I can pay the bills now with my speaking. But one thing leads to another. And it really just takes that being persistent, being consistent, like keep showing up and keep focusing on your why. Why are you doing what you're doing? Because it's really easy to get in your ego of what people think. And maybe they won't like my message or maybe I'll look like a fool or maybe I'm going to look stupid. I, yes, of course, there's that part of me that's like, I want to look stupid, but honestly, I'm to the point where it's not about me. It, you know, yeah, there's that part of me that ego comes in. I'm like, oh, I said too much. I don't sound right or, you know, I've got brain fog because of the pain that day. And I'm a little slow in my speaking. But I think, you know what? It's not about me. It's about the people that I serve. And if I can impact one person with my message of determination and grit and, and your ability to tap into your own resilience, because we all have that ability to tap into our resilience and thrive. I would tell you, I would say, I'd say one more thing too, even when you think you're at your worst and you do have that brain fog, the ability for you to self sabotage and get in your own head is remarkable. And the perception that other people have of you is probably still incredible. Even even when you're at your worst and you put yourself out into the world, the fact that you're putting yourself out into the world is just astounding to most people who can't even imagine themselves ever doing that. So even you operating at 75% and delivering immense value is still better than you doing nothing. And I think that I think that that's really the take away that I want people to understand as well. Thanks. And you know, you mentioning that, I mean, I appreciate your kind words so much because gosh, I can be so hard on myself. I think I have that the meanest inner critic. And we have the ability to be our own cheerleader, our own best friend. And so I try to knit those limiting beliefs right away. And I always try to remember that just stay in my heart and stop, you know, get out of my head and just go be of service to somebody. And I think it's important to share also to when you do decide to share your message with the world or your mess that you've turned into a blessing and your message. I think it's important to share from a scar and not an open wound. It took me a long time. I mean, for years, I was just healing. I wasn't on social media. I just got on social media. I think I started my Instagram like four years ago, basically, to stalk my oldest daughter. And then I don't think I would have been able to handle some of the messages that I get, like, especially on TikTok. I had, you know, my youngest daughter was like, oh, mom, you're too old to be on TikTok. So I was like, oh, then I'm definitely getting on TikTok. And I was like, I'm going to do a little tap dance. And so I got my tap shoes out. And I was like, okay, I was trying to stick my foot in there. And my foot's not going in. I haven't worn tap shoes since my motorcycle accident. And she's like, mom, I don't think your foot's going to fit in that shoe anymore. I'm like, oh, it is going to fit. I flipped the camera off. I love your attitude. It's going to fit. I'm going to do this. And flipped the camera over. We were in the garage. And I just did a little tap dance. And I put on their first time tap dancing. I've had 34 surgeries. And I can't believe I can still tap a little bit. You know, I was running that video got over 600,000 views. And some of the comments were like, oh my gosh, I was in shorts. And so my scars were showing. And some guy was like, oh, don't ever post anything like this again. I was eating and I almost threw up. Now I could honestly laugh. It's it was pretty funny. But, you know, years ago when I was just getting over the shame of the way that I looked and trying, you know, learning to love myself again, that would have crushed me. So I think it's really important that when you do decide to share a message that you'd be really grounded and make sure that you are sharing from that scar and not an open wound because it's going to be hard to hear comments like that if you're still in the middle of feeling. And I'm still healing. I don't have it all figured out. And I'm not perfect. And there's still things that I think I've healed from and something will trigger me. And I'm like, oh, where'd that come from? You know, I guess I need to do some work on that. But it can be brutal sometimes on social media with comments if you allow those haters to to bring you down. But I was really upset one day with a hater. It was like a first hater comment that I got. And I was like, oh my gosh, honey, look at this. They hate that they hate me. There's I got a hater. And he was like, congratulations. That is awesome. It's about time you got some haters. Now you know your message is getting out there. That's it. Congratulations. And I was like, oh, perspective is everything. Perspective is everything. You have somebody who now cares enough to go out of their way, which means that you've touched a lot of people that haven't voiced their opinion either way, right? So good and good on. Yeah, that's very smart. I love that. So the second you start getting haters, you know, you're doing something right. Not always easy. Not I'm not saying it's easy. It was like, I remember, oh my gosh, Scott, I was like on the doctor's TV. I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe they want to have me on the doctor's TV. I did this interview. It was like a 10 minute interview that they edited down to like, you know, they edit how they want it to seem. Look and they edited, edited out the part where I talk about all the different things I've gone through to try to get through CRPS. And it just made it sound like I get through pain with my mindset. And I have this formula called the pace method. And I do these steps and I'm miraculously better. And the haters were coming out of the woodwork from my own community from CRPS. They were like, you're a disgrace to the CRPS community. How dare you make it sound like you can just use your mind to get through pain. And I'm like, these were people that didn't really know me, that didn't know that I had gone through all these procedures and spent, you know, thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars on medical treatments. But I do believe that it all starts with our mindset. And at that moment, when you have a hater, it really will make you, it's a great opportunity for you to really look at your message and believe in it more. And truly know, is my message, does it do I believe in it 100%. So when I started getting that people saying that you can't get through pain with your mindset, I was like, Oh, no, I believe in my, it made me believe in my message and more. 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Well, I think that especially with everything going on right now and here in California, we've got our mask mandate back and times are uncertain and just figuring out being an entrepreneur is that our work hours are different. Things are always changing. We usually have several different hats that we wear for a few different businesses or more and so I think that it's so important to work on our resilience and that's something that we can do every single day and it's something that we can do in a moment where we feel tired or we feel anxiety or we're starting to feel like we're going to hit a wall. And so for me, I have something called Pacer and it stands for perspective, acceptance, community, endurance and rest and we've talked a little bit touched on that a little bit throughout the conversation but perspective I think is really the quickest and easiest way to change the way you feel about your situation and I think that that can be in any way whether it's your financial situation, whether it's your getting caught up on comparing yourself to someone else on social media or how much success they have versus that what you have or if you're anxious about something a big event that you have coming out up, I think it's important to get grateful and when you're in gratitude, it's alchemy, it changes what you don't have into what you do have and what you can't do into what you can do and just last night, I will share with you, we went out on a date for our anniversary and it's the first time I've tried to put heels on, now my ankles used and my foot's deformed but I managed to put this little heel on, it's only about that big but I was like I want to feel like sexy for our anniversary and we get home and I fell getting out of the car by the way just to say but I wore the heels and I tried my best to walk the right way okay listen there's people that haven't had accidents that fall getting out of the car wearing heel so you're good okay my husband just like he just shook his head he was like oh gosh why didn't you just wear your boots you know but I'm like I'm doing it and it's these little small accomplishments that we do even if we don't do them well that they start to build our confidence and make us feel good but when we got home I sat in the middle of the bathroom floor and I was taking the strap that looked like more of a tourniquet around my swollen cankle and I'm like oh my god and I just was looking at my leg kind of and discussed and he goes when I look at your leg I say oh my god what a miracle it's a miracle you have your leg and that shifted my perspective like yeah it is a miracle I went from disgust to gratitude real quick and sometimes I think that if we have a hard time shifting our perspective it's important to surround ourselves with people that can help us do that and in order to have resilience or any kind of transformation leads me to the next part of pacer which is acceptance and that's sometimes easier said than done for me it was really hard I was in denial about being diagnosed with a nerve disease I had to accept that I could no longer run the way that I used to I can run to chase after my daughter and I did just beat her in a contest running from a stop sign to the car she's always competing with me and my husband's like you had a little old lady beat you to the car and I'm like that's right and so I still can run it's not always pretty but I can do it but acceptance I felt like it felt like defeat and I had to shift my perspective on that acceptance is really your it's freedom it gives you the choice to take action steps to make your life the best that it can be and when we are in acceptance and we're authentic with our feelings and what we're going through oh my goodness that's when we can start to have the life that we've always imagined and that's what really changed things for me and it led me to a community of people on Instagram and my sobriety community you know in my life and I think communities you know is the next part of PASER and I think it might be the most important part of PASER because when we have community it's powerful and sorry if you can hear the gardener he just got here no I can't you're good that's the life of being in COVID right I go or yeah home office but community is so powerful I felt so alone when I was going through some of the darkest moments of my life and I can guarantee you that if you're feeling alone right now and you're listening to this and you're feeling like well nobody understands what I'm going through nobody's going to get me I don't know where to turn I guarantee you there's somebody more than one person that's going through exactly what you're going through and so reach out reach out to someone and you know what that doesn't even have to be somebody that you know I connected to a community of CRPS warriors when I started looking at the hashtag CRPS warrior I wanted to be connected with people that were had passion and drive and so I think it's really important to take a look at the people that you surround yourself with and that doesn't just go for the people that are in your family in your life I know we can't get rid of family members but we can limit the time that we spend with them if they're bringing us down or they're not they don't believe that our vision or our dreams and and that's okay people won't always believe in your vision or your dreams it's important that you do and that that you find people to connect with that are passionate and that's those for social media too somebody that you're following brings you down follow follow people who are paving the way who inspire you and because it takes a lot of endurance and that's the next part of pace or endurance I think is when our grit and our passion come into play it's where you know we're not always going to be motivated but if we look at why we're doing something we focus on our why then like I said before it gets us through almost anyhow but I think that we have to in order to have endurance I think it's important to set up really healthy habits and not rely on motivation or willpower because let me tell you that willpower is out the door if we are overtired if we haven't eaten if we haven't taken care of our health so set up those healthy habits and that's why I think I've been able to get through COVID in a pretty graceful way because I have set up healthy habits not to say it's been easy but because I have the strong foundation of habits of non-negotiables in my life that I do I know that I have that foundation to tap into my inner source of resilience and which leads me to the last part that I'm horrible at like oh well I'm going to rephrase that I'm getting better at it it's rest and I when I was explaining what I do every day to be more resilient to my husband I said honey I've got a quick word that's going to help me get through every day if I just remind myself of these things and I'm explaining it to him and he's like I get to the word our rest and he's like you are so foolish it can I cut some here and I don't usually cut but he does and I was like what do you mean he goes you don't rest he goes yeah you do all that other stuff but you don't rest and it was really a wake-up call and I had to learn the hard way of being hospitalized after going septic from not looking at what was going on in my body and pushing and pushing and I was good at the grit but I think it's so important to be resilient we have to strategically stop sometimes in plan times to rest and recover and however that may look like that might be taken a break after zooms and going out in nature taking your shoes off walking through the grass and getting grounded taking time to play you know scheduling out times where you do have some time off to be create like if we don't rest it's hard to spark creativity when I'm rested and I can get out there and do some of the things that I love and I mean I love my work but how I can keep moving forward with my work is if I do things to take care of myself if I do set an alarm on my phone for okay it's time to shut off the devices and go to bed the emails will wait till tomorrow the text messages will wait till tomorrow the social media is done for the day and I think as an entrepreneur with our hours being all over the place that it's really important to schedule out those times to rest very very good advice very good advice and that's one thing that I want to reiterate you've used all these tools and strategies to come from such a a dark place and now you're thriving but many people if they just applied an ounce of the grit that you had to go through to the business or starting or the side hustle or the project or the the new job because they were laid off I think these the the same framework can be applicable to a variety of circumstances and that's really what I wanted to to double down on a reinforce oh for sure I mean because look I remember you know when I wanted to start a podcast I had people go oh it's really hard to do podcast and so I just want to say first of all what an honor it is to be here on your podcast you're you're doing an amazing job I love your podcast it's so successful oh my gosh you're amazing and I know what goes you know behind planning it and doing setting aside for a side time for it and and if I didn't love if I did not love what I did and I didn't have a strong why for the reason why I do my podcast which is to share stories of resilience and struggles to success that I think I don't think I could do it so I think that it's really important to set up those habits and anything you do whether it's your podcast it's a new business it's going after clients it's so important you have to be consistent you know a lot of times I go and speak at other people's masterminds on how to build your social media because on Instagram I started from like zero I mean we all start from zero but I literally had nothing and I had you know my book publisher was like well we don't do any marketing or branding so if you want to get your book out there you're going to have to do it yourself and I'm like holy cow I don't know how to do this but I'm going to have to figure it out so I set aside time every morning to make sure that I could do a post and I didn't post in ghost I would post and I would connect with people who commented on it and I leave those posts that were horrible by the way because I was learning I didn't know what I was doing I'll leave those up on my Instagram because I want people to see that we all start from from very little or nothing and we just start nothing yeah and the more things that you are it pays off and it was the same for my podcast you know I was like I'm going to be consistent every single week I'm not going to let a week go by that I don't release a podcast to show people that I'm showing up for them I'm consistent and to build that integrity and that trust because me that to me that's everything trust integrity your word I mean I'm sure you can relate to this because I think that people from Canada are very similar from people in Texas that I grew up where your word was everything like you did things on handshake and so that's very important to me my brand is important for people to know that I'm going to show up for them I'm going to be honest with them I'm going to keep it real and it takes you know consistency and I promise you that if you stay consistent that it does your hard work but you where your blessings can find you and I just found out I didn't pay attention to to numbers or any of that I didn't need to know how to launch a book properly and I got to the best seller list my book on Amazon was right beside Wayne Dyer Dr. Wayne Dyer and Brenne Brown who are my two favorites well I didn't pay attention to downloads or numbers or anything I just can't put in focusing on my message focusing on my purpose my podcast got to be my girlfriend sent me a link in a screenshot my podcast true written grace was top 1% on Apple I'm like holy cow I know I'm not the best podcast but I'm consistent and it that is not necessarily success is not necessarily the talent or the title or the most money it is grit and I promise you if you just keep showing up and you stay consistent and it's going to be hard and it's going to suck it first especially you know I'm like have I had no technical skills whatsoever and I just learned I learned from my mistakes I switched my failures into transformed failures into okay well what's this teaching me if I was you know rejected I thought well I'm being redirected and so just keep showing up and I tell you it it pays off amazing I wanted to I have two more questions just from your story and then I want to use some rapid fire I'm out on of your spectral your time as well and to be honest most people listen for about an hour so we'll try and try and start to wrap it up but this has been absolutely amazing it's been absolutely amazing no it's been just it's been nonstop just just inspiring messages and I really appreciate I really appreciate what you speak about and I want to just I want to ask one more question about your book actually title is two words grit and grace grit makes sense keep speaking about great why grace what does that mean to you why is that important oh grace is a huge part of my journey because number one it was about a grace of God that I'm sober it was learning to give myself grace being so hard on myself and hating the way I looked and hating that my leg was deformed and scarred and didn't work properly and gave me so much pain all of that shifted when I gave myself some grace and I started to look at my leg as wow it's a miracle this is the leg that had a 1% chance and doctors saved it and I can walk when I was told I'd be at a wheelchair forever so I think it's important to give ourselves grace and the grace that my husband has given me through this wild journey of ups and downs and you know me spiraling into a depression and get climbing my way out of that and so grace is through the journey is really important I think we can all have that inner critic that kind of beat us up and it's so important to just in some moments go you know what let it go for me I'm like let go let God and but yes it's grit and grace amazing and and my my last question is how are you doing today are you still in pain how how is how is amberley how is life I think goodness we're from the from the waist up video because no I'm still in pain I still have my leg my shoe my shoe is off today yeah it's a little swollen and hurting but you know I have managed ways of getting through those moments and that starts with a morning ritual of getting grounded with the gratitude list I text my sponsor every morning and we share what we're grateful for with each other I do some reading every morning and I write out my intentions and then I make a phone call to somebody and it doesn't have to be a long phone call this morning phone call was about an hour it was a lot but when you can do those things it really shifts your perspective and it shows you you know what a miracle it is I could easily go and be depressed because I'm in pain or that my ankle swollen it hurts today but instead I'm like oh my goodness you're were at the top of my gratitude list today that I had this opportunity talk with you and be on your show and so I think it's important to start every day and end every day with some gratitude amazing and and that's that's it it's I guess just incredible that as you just progress in your life like people have to realize like it's not over it's not over for you so when you go check out amberley and you see the book and the podcast and the social and you listen to this like this is all still live in real-time dealing with the effects of of what happened and that's that's incredible it's not like you know one day you wake up perfect and then all of a sudden oh now I can start a podcast now I can write a book there's all been throughout yeah I'm glad you said that I mean it's start just start and you know everything I've done I didn't feel ready I didn't feel ready at all when I did my head talk I was scared to death yeah yeah I had him foster syndrome and then I thought what this isn't about me this is about the people that I serve and so just start it when that I don't know if you ever feel ready I think it's important to just start and you learn along the way yeah agree okay um I'm gonna get uh tell everybody where they can connect with you your socials your website where they can get your book where they can check out your podcast and I'm gonna do some rapid fire questions for you so where do people go thank you so much Scott well you know we've talked about the Pacermet that and I have a free downloadable um playbook where they can get more information on that if you just text the word grit so text g-r-i-t to 818 214 7378 again that's 818 214 7378 and that's me texting back you can get your playbook through that but that's me texting back so it might take me a minute but it because I really like to connect so you can just reach out tell me you heard the show Scott show and um I'd love to connect you can find other downloadable resources resources at amberleylago.com and some of our crazy shenanigans behind the scenes crazy life with me and my family on instagram at amberleylago motivation and you know reach out screenshot this and tag me and Scott so we can see it in our stories and I can say thank you amazing all right perfect okay so this is I have these questions that I ask everybody now the first question I feel like it's I'm gonna ask you anyways it seems like it's gonna be a little bit of a silly question the first question is biggest challenge you've experienced in your career so I know that I feel like we already have the answer but go ahead um well you know what I'll just keep it current since we've we've talked about other stuff I think the biggest challenge I've experienced in my career is an entrepreneur when you grow he wants to delegate things out and it's the trust is the most important thing for me and I think what I've learned the hard way is um I've been really trusting and had some people on my team and it didn't work out and if somebody drops the ball sometimes the whole production doesn't work out the way that it should or it just adds more stress so I think that's tough as an entrepreneur it's like to be able to have a good team you really have to trust the people on your team and so that's the most important thing for me that's been a challenge that's been kind of a disappointment that but how do you how do you fix how do you find the right people what's that what's the fix for that um I think the fix for that for me has been to slow down to ask more questions to look at how I can have better communication and to always check um references check the references and sometimes even at it doesn't go as well but I think it's really important to look at your part in it so for me the first thing I do is I look at my part in it how could I have been a better leader where did I go wrong where did I miscommunicate what did I do what can I do next to make sure this doesn't happen again if you had to choose one person or multiple people in your life personal or professional that had a major impact what did they teach you and who is that person I would say um my dance instructor growing up you know I started dancing with her when I was three years old and she was always really hard on me and I mean harder than the other kids and I found out it's because she had a lot of um she had faith in me that I was going to do something someday and so she really pushed me but she taught me more than just dance um I learned how to run a business through her I learned lessons in my how to show up and one of the most important lessons that she taught me was it doesn't matter what's going on in your life I remember she told me I was a dance instructor and she said I don't care what's going on in your life she goes when it's time to teach that class you put the needle on the record you turn around and you teach your class with a smile on your face and I was like oh and putting the needle on the record that just shows how old I am because nobody even chooses records anymore but that's what I was taught it wasn't like go teach a class and be mopey and have a pity party and say how rough life is it's like when you're a leader your team doesn't want to hear about all that stuff they want they yeah we have oh they want a leader through those things but how can you switch it to positivity how can you think more positive how can you inspire positivity for your team I love that that's that's good advice very good advice um uh source could be a book a podcast an audible something that you'd recommend people go check out um definitely check out this podcast y'all check it out that's a cop my podcast the cop out your podcast the cop out has to be another um I love the book I love the book um the four agreements has been a a book that I love of course I have a book on my desk right now I've got a stack of books that you could see my rain right now that go all the way through or all the way up the scene we're just about then I have this book on my desk right now um because I'm revisiting my steps through sobriety and it's called a women's way through 12 steps I think 12 steps are a great way to live a good life it didn't matter if you have addiction problems I think it's just a really good program if you're on a spiritual journey especially um so yeah that that's what helps me but I love to read I think at the top of my list of favorite things to do would be to have some quiet time to read yeah just reset amazing um if you could tell your 20-year-old self one thing what would that be uh trust your gut I think that you know being sexually abused as a child um and having someone that you trusted tell you that no this is the right thing this is you're crazy this is what dads do it it really makes you question your gut and what's right or wrong and I tell you what my gut has never been wrong and I think that our gut you know our hearts might say something our heads say a lot but our guts never lie so listen to your gut follow your heart stay on your path um celebrate your small victories along the way amazing and then last question what does success mean to you? success means being the ability to do the things that you love and be with the people that you love um and that's really I'm pretty simple I think that being able to do things you love and be with the people you love is success to me