Lessons - Balancing High Performance And Personal Life | Dr. John Delony - Bestselling Author, Podcaster & Mental Health Expert

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business and life and explore strategies for cultivating balance amid chaos so when you're looking at I didn't even realize that you were on on call so there was a different version of stress and anxiety in the first season of your career than it and an equally as potentially unhealthy although it feels great to work more and earn more but equally as unhealthy because there's a whole other problem with that entrepreneurial version of anxiety and stress so for those two people those are two very real avatars of people that are listening to this show there's the entrepreneur and there's the really hard working w2 maybe not all the time on call maybe what is the the work that you did to figure out how to exist in life and what is some work that you wish your w2 version of yourself would have done figure how to exist and operate in a healthy space in a healthy way that maybe now you're doing math I think that question is probably the most important question of this century right now and here's the showdown that happened and I'll answer the question because I've had to go back and say ask myself and be pre-reflected I had just was coming off the heels of a number one book and I'd never written a book before to the fact that it shot up and do what it did was amazing then I'm finishing this draft of the second one because a publishing team immediately wants to crank out another one right and now I'm speaking all over the country in that yeah and speaking for me is is at the time because the show hadn't exploded yet but that that was where I made a vast majority of my money and then the show started to take off and I'm sick I think I had COVID but I'm sick my family had just left after a week of Christmas at my house which it was one of those Christmas is just didn't go well nobody really wanted to be there it was just kind of awkwardly we've had some amazing ones this show wasn't the that one it was cold we couldn't do anything and I'm down in the gym working out because I have made my part of my self identity is I have to look a certain way doesn't matter how old I am how tired I am I have to keep doing this because you got to step into a flume gym and I'm sick I'm working out and my manager calls and says hey I got these two new speaking kicks and I start screaming these this it was shapeshifter money for my family right and by the way my dad was a cop my dad my wife's parents were schoolteachers so we didn't come from anything so all of this is a wild rollercoaster that we're on now and I'm screaming and hollering like like cheering so much so that my wife comes down the stairs into the basement and she's laughing she's like what are you doing and I told her I got this and I got this and she met me in the middle and and you have to know her she's very quiet and um she does not confrontational in that way and she came and got real close to me and said I'm watching my husband die and I'm watching him cheer every step of the way and it ended with her saying um John in the pie chart of how much I love you that pie piece that is how much money you make is full anything else you make from this point forward I told you I would never tell you know so go do whatever you want to do but you cannot say it's for me and for these kids this is for your ego and here is the the answer to your question I think that is super important for all of us especially entrepreneurs she turned and looked at me she was walking away she said John we have enough and then she walked away and dude I was so pissed and then as I got through the anger which at the anger was me covering up grief right that's how I was trying to find my ego is to get mad but I did not have a psychology for the word enough I didn't know what that meant because they either been on call 247 my whole there was this thing is enough you just do it until the jogger's done or this kid might die right you gotta keep just do what you gotta do and so when I meet with healthcare professionals or attorneys or first responders that's their world they get a paycheck doesn't matter and they just gotta keep showing up because if they don't somebody's gonna get hurt the other side of it was like I didn't have a psychology for enough I always operated from a position of lack and so in a weird way I am busier right now than I was then and my marriage could not be better my relationship with my two young kids could not be better but it's because my wife and I sat down at the beginning of it we sit down at the beginning of a season now and we say what is enough for this season what's it gonna look like you got a book coming out you're gonna be on the road okay here's what must be true relationally for our marriage here's what must be true for your interaction with the kids so here that means you're gonna have to get up earlier because I'm gonna take my kids to school in a few days a week because that's where the only time I'm gonna have to connect with them we're gonna go to breakfast and that means I'm gonna have to alter my workouts for the next four months right I can't do it all but it's answering that question what's enough and not forever but what's enough in the season I think entrepreneur is having it's a cancer because you get five million in revenue and immediately your friends go to go what are you gonna go to 10 or your next question is all right wins the next book coming or wins the next sale or wins the next deal and a ten million dollar business is a radically different business than a five million dollar business and that might not be you and if you make five million dollars you have won the cosmic lottery you won but it's not in this in the entrepreneur world it's only gonna get 25 you're gonna get to 100 and it never stops and so asking yourself okay we have enough do we want to go do something else so what's that gonna cost us to go do that I just call it the cancer of enough man dude I don't think anybody has that conversation with themselves I speak to a lot of entrepreneurs speak to a lot of entrepreneurs and I see so many burned relationships burned out people sick people unhealthy people and it's sad because they realize it when they when they sell when they when they achieve what everyone would dream to achieve as an entrepreneur they sell their business for 20 million 30 million 40 million 50 million plus wife is gone health is down the shitter then they start working out then their kids don't want it all the kids don't want to talk yeah yeah like in yeah yeah this is this this is can be unpopular but I remember watching that amazing documentary on Michael Jordan um that ESPN put out uh forgot the name but it was it was incredible it was incredibly well done but there's a scene halfway through that series where Michael Jordan is sitting on a couch inside of his hotel room and he looks at the camera he's all by himself and he he can't go to the bathroom in the lobby because he didn't get mobbed and he looked at that camera and he says you don't want my life and he just signed like some 90 million dollar deal which back then was a 80 billion dollar whatever for us but I remember I kept thinking as I watched that documentary the greatest player of all time there were six pieces of cloth hung from that gym right the six world championship banners and as I watched that thing more and more I kept asking myself what for what you know there's your kids and your family and your life and your ability to move around every human that's with you is on a payroll I give no close friends who just think of you with laughter and joy and warmth nobody when they have something cool to share thinks of you to call like for what and I that that's a sensational example right the greatest basketball player of all time but the picture was sometimes to be the greatest it cost you everything and I always want people to ask like just know the count the cost man go do it if you want to do it but it's gonna cost you your soul and you're gonna get that 20 million dollar deposit and dude I remember that when my first book hit number one I called my mom I called my wife Dave Ramsey called me was cheering the screaming into the phone and then I went back to the hotel room and I had nobody to call and it's one of the well-enliest like like now what right and so I just want entrepreneurs to ask that like for what what am I what am I about to miss x y and z4 and it might be worth it dude it might be worth it I miss a lot of stuff because it's so it's an end game that I'm playing but for what a huge shadow to bank on yourself for supporting today's episode entrepreneurs here's the retirement secret that Wall Street doesn't want you to know while you are pouring everything into growing your business they want you gambling your future in their 401k casino with no guarantees as a business owner you already take enough risks y gamble with your retirement too it is time to discover the financial strategies smart 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report that's bank on yourself dot com slash Scott bank on yourself dot com slash Scott or what when your wife asked you or told you rather you know we have enough this is not for me is not for us is not for the kids so then how do you now set how do you now set objectives and and what's your new north star because that's a tough pill to swallow you realize that everything you're doing is now for your ego if you if you believe what she said if you consider what she said to be true and curious if you think oh she's a hundred percent right hundred percent okay so how do you go into the next meeting the next week and set an objective when you know that it's just for yourself um because now I solve the first the first um goal the first um the first variable I'm solving for is peace that's it what will bring me peace in the next six months and sometimes that's going through halacious times right navy seals train really hard so they can have long seasons of peace right and so solving for peace doesn't mean you cash out solving for peace means I'm gonna be on the road for five months I'm gonna be home three nights a week and speaking and without doing stuff the other four nights a week so that right and so I'm always solving for peace and then I will solve for accomplishments and then I'll solve for money and then I'll solve for the other things dude get your second house get your third house buy that farm in that town and like do that stuff but have it be for a purpose right and as long as I'm solving for peace I'll have chaotic seasons but they're going to be intentional um and and otherwise you're trying to find peace amidst chaos and the alcohol works really well yeah yeah I was gonna say this is it this ex x works well sleeping with somebody else brings you guess for a second and then it destroys every it just has more chaos to the fire right or and so let's solve for peace and let's reverse engineer realize that I love it I just I'm listening to this story and I and I love that you know you're writing a book for other people and you teach for other people but you're also teaching yourself I'm living it yeah give me a sound shot maybe a sound shot but I think like everything that you put out into the world this is how I operate well I tweet something or when I put out a post like yeah maybe people think it's cool they retweet it I'm like bro I'm just talking to myself that was a note is myself did I have to be learning yes yes I mean anytime I write like a never yell at your kids again you that's a note to myself right that's not any lecturing y'all that's me you know it here's the other here's the how that story ended I left I went and checked into a hotel for about 10 days seven to 10 days I'm around it was over week and I started the book over again because I realized in that moment um I was not living the principles of the book I was right I was lecturing people and so I left and I went set in a hotel surrounded by a bunch of gummy candies and I pulled up a seat at the bar and said hey me too let's figure this thing out and I was emitted for a totally different experience because I wasn't living the things I was lecturing America about and I'd created a very very anxious home and my wife and my kids and I we all deserve more than thanks for tuning in if you found this valuable don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and if you want to dive deeper into this conversation check out the links in the description to watch the full episode see you in the next one